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Am I being a princess?

205 replies

namechange165 · 31/03/2022 11:02

DH and I both earn decent salaries but have had a tight few years financially, with a couple of kids in full time childcare, a bit of debt to pay off, taking on a higher mortgage and a house that needs some work, etc. So although we have managed, we've been on an economy drive with no spare cash for fun things - no holiday since 2014, only the very occasional dinner out (maybe once every 3 months) to cheap places with the kids so we don't have to pay for a babysitter, no birthday/christmas presents for each other. Finally, the youngest child is now at preschool, we've paid off the debts, remortgaged at a better rate and finished doing the most expensive jobs in the house. We now have an extra £600-£800 per month, and will have even more come September when the youngest starts school. DH will also receive a 4 figure bonus at the end of April.

We both turned 40 during lockdown and had our 10 year wedding anniversary, but didn't do anything to celebrate. Now that we can afford it, I suggested going out to a fancy restaurant that we have both talked about going to for ages. It's not cheap, £70pp for 6 courses, but given it is to mark a total of 3 special occasions I thought we could push the boat this once. But he has reacted as though I have suggested blowing £50k on a faberge egg or something.

Apparently we absolutely cannot afford to do something so extravagant and it is a ridiculous suggestion to waste so much money on just one meal. I now feel like an unreasonable, spoilt princess for even suggesting it. But I also feel really deflated. What is the point in working so hard to have this spare cash if we can't enjoy at least a bit of it? We don't spend any real time together between the kids, work, housework and aside from the treat of going out for dinner I thought it would be lovely to reconnect a bit. AIBU?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Rob1010 · 04/04/2022 12:02

This thread rings so many bells as my wife does exactly the same thing - Compulsory enjoyment whether I like it or not. I do not enjoy a meal out at the best of times but when the meal is to celebrate an event or set of combined events it puts the fear of god in me. I can accept the reality that my wife is effectively spending £140+ on herself and I can live with that, its the constant questions that I know I will have to endure as she justifies the outing. Are you enjoying yourself? aren't you glad you came? wasn't the food great? And you thought this wouldn't be fun? - Just thinking about it is sending me into a panic.

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namechange165 · 04/04/2022 12:54

@Rob1010 i think you might be projecting a bit! You might not enjoy a meal out but as I said earlier, this is somewhere he specifically said he would love to go to and in the many years we have been together he has always enjoyed going out to expensive restaurants. It's just we haven't been able to do that for a while so seemed to me it would be an ideal opportunity to do something we both enjoy.

@timeisnotaline I get what you are saying, it is a bit of a jump to start worrying about compatibility. But I started the thread because I couldn't work out why him saying no was bothering me so much, it is only a meal after all. But now that I've thought about it more, it was the instant dismissal, the fact that he didn't even mull it over and then decide it was too expensive. That worries me because it feels like he has shut himself off from ever spending money on non-essentials. He is becoming quite like his parents who never allowed themselves to have any fun - we used to talk about how miserable their life must be as they didn't ever go out and enjoy themselves.

I am finding the debate about the price of the meal interesting. I think it is certainly an extravagance and I wouldn't be spending that amount of money every weekend. But I think a couple of times a year, if eating out is your thing and if you can afford it, then it is perfectly reasonable. And £70pp for something that (I hope) would be really special seems better value to me than £40pp at somewhere less interesting or memorable. I guess it is just what people choose to spend their money on. I'm not really bothered about stuff so I'm quite happy to continue not buying each other birthday/christmas gifts, but would rather spend the money doing something nice together.

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Rob1010 · 04/04/2022 14:16

Appreciate your response, maybe I was projecting. Please be aware (if you are not already) that the daily Mail has picked up this story.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10673285/Miserly-husband-blasted-refusing-spend-70-meal-celebrating-wifes-40th-birthday.html

Probably the most interesting thing about this is how specific groups have such contrasting views.

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hungrymutha · 04/04/2022 15:22

Men find it hard to break habits
Imo

Suggest he finds and books a restaurant?

He may come round. £70 isn't that much. You'll probably end up spending close to that on 3 courses anyhow

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namechange165 · 04/04/2022 18:42

@Rob1010 oh for god's sake I hadn't spotted that. Thanks for letting me know. You"d think they would have more exciting things to write about than my marital finances!!

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