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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being paranoid about childminder? Bruises on DDs face.

81 replies

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 30/03/2022 10:03

I went back to work after my second DD in January. She turned one in February. I decided to use a childminder this time (my parents have always kindly looked after my first DD but they’re getting on a bit and didn’t think it was fair to ask them to do so much again). They still look after youngest DD once a week and the childminder does it twice a week. I found her on the childcare website but turns out we had a friend in common and so was able to ask her all about the childminder and I got verbal references from the mums of the other children she looks after. GLOWING reports from all. The friend in common worked with her for years when they worked in a nursery together and she said she’s the person you’d want looking after your children. I was so happy to feel at peace about finding the right person to look after my DD age just one.

It’s been going well. There’s just been a couple things and I don’t know if I’m being really paranoid. I should also add I work with children in a healthcare setting, and therefore am exposed to lots of sad social cases so I know I see it go on more than most and it probably makes me a bit paranoid. I’m also uptight about grapes having seen one too many choking incidents and have asked her not to give her grapes until I say so, even if she cuts them up. I know many will disagree but that’s my choice. Notice she gave her grapes the other day so I very politely asked her not to just yet. Also, I asked her about the car seat she uses as we are about to change hers in the next few months and I had totally forgotten to ask before she started looking after DD - I admit, my bad. I asked it if was rear facing. She said no, it’s her preference that it’s not as she thinks they’d get bored and can’t see the other children as well. It was all said a bit stroppy like I’d dented her professionalism a bit. I don’t honestly care if she’s bored - it’s the law to be rear facing til she’s 15 months. I didn’t say anything as wanted to keep a good relationship and we are about to change the car seat soon in about 2 months time anyway to be forward facing.

Anyway. That was about a week ago and she’s been with the childminder for the last two days. With me today. I have noticed today a new bruise over her eye and cheek. It looks like the same bruise. I’ll try to add a photo if I can hide the rest of DDs face in the photo. My husband picked her up last night and the child minder did say that she seemed to have a bruise on her head but she didn’t see her hit her head or didn’t cry out loud at any point like she was hurt when she wasn’t looking.

What should I do? I’ve just noticed the bruise is quite bad today. Would have known if she’d done it here and would like to think the childminder would have noticed something like that happen. Obviously I’m thinking the absolute worst too…..

OP posts:
KatsuKatsu · 30/03/2022 10:33

Find another childminder. If she's not following the law re car seats who knows what else she is doing

Kellykukoo · 30/03/2022 10:36

Trust your instincts and find another childminder

Onlyhuman123 · 30/03/2022 10:39

agree with PP. Trust your instincts.

sweetbellyhigh · 30/03/2022 10:40

The bruise thing... at that age they are prone to banging their faces and heads and it's awful, but only you can decide on this.

I once picked up my baby from daycare to find a hand-shaped bruise on his arm 😞

The car seat thing is weird.
It's not negotiable. Of course she must position it correctly.

I cannot imagine why she would do this 🤔 but it would be end of the deal for me.

rainbowegg · 30/03/2022 10:41

I'd expect a childcare professional to be at a minimum up to date on car seat laws so that would ring alarm bells for me.
Id be looking for a new childminder or even considering a nursery regarding the bruise.

Lunificent · 30/03/2022 10:42

I think you have enough reason to change childminder as all told you’re a bit concerned. The car seat thing is enough to make the change.

SmallestInTheClass · 30/03/2022 10:44

I expect the bruise is just one of those things but putting your child in an illegal car seat would be an immediate no for me. You'd be in your rights to report to Ofsted, but I have to admit I wouldn't in your position.

Hiddenvoice · 30/03/2022 10:44

It’s a tough one, you weren’t calling on her judgment with the car seats so I think a sarcastic remark in return to you is rude and not professional.
As you said, you know children well through the health care setting. In child care setting children regularly trip up and can hurt themselves but I’d hope it was spotted and acted upon. How many children does she care for at one time? Could it be that she was busy with another child when your dd may have bashed herself or got hurt?
Trust your instincts, if it doesn’t feel right to you then maybe change child minder.
You could always ask her when you next see her if she spotted the bruise before and if she noticed your dd upset. Nothing wrong with checking in and asking!

October2020 · 30/03/2022 10:46

Trust your gut. It may well be nothing but the guilt would live with you forever it it is something... and you won't rest easy now anyway.

JuneOsborne · 30/03/2022 10:46

The car seat would have had me changing childminder. The grapes too.

Go with your gut. Find a new one.

Excited101 · 30/03/2022 10:46

There’s no way in hell I’d have a child of that age forward facing, I’m fussier than the parents I work for on it and often keep them rear facing for longer. Grapes she should be doing what you’ve asked (regardless of what she thinks about it) but bruises happen such a lot at that age and you often don’t see it happen.

Fairyarmpits · 30/03/2022 10:50

Change childminder.

She is working for you not the other way around.

Findingneeemo · 30/03/2022 10:54

My kids still rear faced at 5. I would not be happy if my 1 year old was forward facing. This would be non negotiable until 4 at the very earliest.

I also cannot see why facing the back of an adult chair is more interesting. Surely rear facing means they can see other forward facing kids faces easier? Or if they are all rear facing, with the same level of ease.

Chimchar · 30/03/2022 11:00

I knew a childminder who was really well liked by her school parent friends. They all thought she was great. They sung her praises and recommended her to all.

She really wasn't.

Go on your gut feeling.

Gonnagetgoing · 30/03/2022 11:06

Find another childminder.

Your gut is there for a reason.

BingBangB0ng · 30/03/2022 11:09

@Findingneeemo

My kids still rear faced at 5. I would not be happy if my 1 year old was forward facing. This would be non negotiable until 4 at the very earliest.

I also cannot see why facing the back of an adult chair is more interesting. Surely rear facing means they can see other forward facing kids faces easier? Or if they are all rear facing, with the same level of ease.

Can I ask how? I switched my 18 month year old forward because there was no room for her legs. Would happily have kept her rear facing otherwise
BourbonVanilla · 30/03/2022 11:09

I think the grapes story and the car sit one are red flags. She should respect your wishes regarding your child and the law, and not just do whatever she prefers.
I'd find a new childminder.

KatsuKatsu · 30/03/2022 11:10

Can I ask how? I switched my 18 month year old forward because there was no room for her legs. Would happily have kept her rear facing otherwise do they sit crossed legged? That's how I get my 2 year old to rear face.

RoseGoldEagle · 30/03/2022 11:12

The likelihood is she had a fall or banged into something and the childminder didn’t notice. That does happen, for me it wouldn’t be a deal breaker in itself. The car seat issue would be though-it’s such a simple thing to do and outrageous someone would chose to take that risk with someone else’s child. I’d move your DD OP.

Derbee · 30/03/2022 11:12

Trust your instincts, and find new childcare. The grapes is annoying, the car seat is enough to end the childcare arrangement. But as you care about car safety, it doesn’t make sense to change to a forward facing car seat in a couple of months

PeekabooAtheZoo · 30/03/2022 11:13

I had something similar in january. I felt OTT when I hoiked my son out of there but it was definitely best for him. Trust your gut. Also my son is 2y7mo and still rear facing so if someone tried to put him in a front-facing at 12 months I would have been shocked.

RegardingMary · 30/03/2022 11:17

YANBU she honestly sounds severely lacking if she thinks it's okay to break the law because 'they'll get bored' being rear facing.

bumpermom · 30/03/2022 11:19

Yea trust your gut. The car seat and grapes would have been a red flag for me. Bruises you just can't tell at that age, I mean if it is a big one then you would at least have thought she would heard your DD cry out from it. Either way if your not happy then find somewhere else.

MyDcAreMarvel · 30/03/2022 11:21

Confused as you appear to care about car seat safety abs are planning on forward facing on two months! Why on earth would you do that , keep her RF until at least four years.

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 30/03/2022 11:26

My 3 year old is still rear facing - he has one of those swivel cat seats that you can switch which way it faces. And I always let him choose which way to face since he was 2.5, and he prefers to rear face because of the views and seeing the other cars through the rear window. But even if rear facing was boring, it’s still safer and that’s a deal breaker.