The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

We just had one of those letters. I have twins, both look the same weight wise but one is 12 pounds heavier!!! One twin fine in healthy range other classed as overweight!

Your dd is active, eats healthy - stop worrying honestly.

@Bookworm20

Absolutely
My dear friend got a letter two years ago.
Her daughter was no overweight it definitely “solid and sticky”
My friend dismissed
M the child did eat well because what she ate was all from mum and school
However I could see the appetite of the girl was huge and she was the one hovering around the birthday buffets rather than playing
She too did dance, gymnastics etc

Now? Categorically overweight

This graphs are an indication that a problem could be on the horizon

As obesity is one of the primary causes of conditions (or contributory factor) needing NHS treatment

Makes total sense that they are trying to get involved BEFORE the situation escalates

And the Dozens saying “just ignore” are being a little reckless with their health advice I think

Opt out of the school weighing, it’s horrendous. My daughter is overweight for her age, she’s 6. But her height and weight are the average size for a 10 year old so her bmi does balance out, she’s big for her age, tallest in her year, often gets mistaken for being much older than she is

There's a very sensible study from one of the Scandinavian universities which shows that the more worried you (and the people around you) are about your weight in childhood (especially if you're not overweight) the more likely you are to become obese in adulthood.

If you're all getting plenty of family exercise and eating sensibly anyway there's nothing to change. Diets don't work, balanced lifestyles do. If this is how her body functions at a balance lifestyle, then so be it. I'm assuming she's not struggling to play with other children, not wearing clothes several years above her actual age? If so, just ignore it. BMI is a measure designed to be used on populations, not individuals.

@Workinghardeveryday

We just had one of those letters. I have twins, both look the same weight wise but one is 12 pounds heavier!!! One twin fine in healthy range other classed as overweight!

Your dd is active, eats healthy - stop worrying honestly.

I don’t understand your point

They LOOK the same
But very very clearly as 12 pound difference in twins is indicating something may be amiss

@NdefH81

Op

I recall your recent thread about your fairly extreme anxiety and worry about friendships for your 4 year old DD.

And now this.

And on another thread, you allude to not being happy with your DH (and interestingly * there was no Nutella left as DH has eaten it all out the jar over the past month * - does he overeat!)

I think perhaps you need to be honest with the school about your generalised anxiety and ask for support

@NdefH81

How rude & intrusive to go trawling through the OP's other posts.

& no the school is not the place to go if she wants to discuss her anxiety & get help. Weird suggestion.

I'm assuming she's not struggling to play with other children, not wearing clothes several years above her actual age?
OP says she wears the right size clothes. And if she's doing dance, swimming and gymnastics, plus walking to school, going for long walks on a weekend, running around the garden etc, I doubt she's struggling to play.

Ignore. I had the same letter about my lovely DD when she was in reception and I honestly just threw it in the bin. She was 10 lbs 3 when born so was always 99th centile and always tall, well built as you describe your DD but no one would ever call her fat. She’s 10 in a few months and perfect weight.

You know your DD doesn’t overeat and exercises a lot so that’s honestly all that matters.

@LittleGwyneth

There's a very sensible study from one of the Scandinavian universities which shows that the more worried you (and the people around you) are about your weight in childhood (especially if you're not overweight) the more likely you are to become obese in adulthood.

If you're all getting plenty of family exercise and eating sensibly anyway there's nothing to change. Diets don't work, balanced lifestyles do. If this is how her body functions at a balance lifestyle, then so be it. I'm assuming she's not struggling to play with other children, not wearing clothes several years above her actual age? If so, just ignore it. BMI is a measure designed to be used on populations, not individuals.

Thank you for this reassuring post.

I had the same letter- I was really upset and also angry. You only had to look at my DC to see they were healthy and fit. Play sport constantly. If you saw the size of their dad you would understand they are very broad build. I felt my parenting was being judged. My youngest DC is even broader- I'm sure I'll get the same letter. If I'd known, I would have refused him being measured and weighted to avoid him being a government statistic!

I really sympathise because I have a son who was born just over the 99.6th centile for weight and has remained there ever since. He’s lower for height - 91st centile. And the BMI chart puts him as obese. Like you say his weight was a cause for applause from the health visitors when he was a baby. It confuses me to be honest - are babies who are born on the 91st upwards supposed to fall down the centile lines before they turn two?

Anyway, he’s now 2.5 and I took him to the health visitor and the GP recently about it and neither of them were concerned. They said you have to look at the whole picture. My husband is over 6ft 5 and I’m not short at 5ft 8. My son’s head circumference is measuring off the chart and the head is one of the heaviest parts of the body. And he’s tracking the line he’s always tracked. Are you or your husband unusually tall? Does your DD have a large head?

Also, you say she’s on or near the 75th for height. The HV told me that they don’t get worried unless there’s more than two lines difference between the height and weight (so in my son’s case, being on the 91st for height and above the the 99.6th for weight is fine). On that basis, if your daughter’s on the 75th for height and the 98th for weight, that checks out doesn’t it?

Can you see her ribs op? With a 4/5 year old you should clearly be able to. I don’t agree with weighing children in school but I do think we have lost sight if what a healthy weight should look like. Google some imagine of school children in the 1970’s/1980’s she should look like the majority of those will.
Healthy food is great but not too much, a 4/5 year olds dinner should not fill much more than a side plate. The melamine plates toddlers use with characters on are the perfect size.

I would just throw the letter out. Stop weighing her and don't make a big deal about food - it may well cause problems down the line.
If she eats well, exercises regularly and fits into clothes made for her age group or thereabouts then she is absolutely fine. As a family you can set a good example for lifelong healthy eating by eating together, encouraging her to help cook meals, make smart food choices and having fun exercising together. Have treats occasionally and don't make them seem naughty or secretive.

Post babyhood I have no idea how much my DC have weighed or where on the growth charts that would put them. Once I got worried when DD1 bulked up about 11 years old but then she suddenly stretched.

Everyone is different, but whatever body type and metabolism you have, it's attitude towards eating that is important. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. Don't fill up on empty calories or sugary drinks.

Trust yourself. The GP has seen her and says she's absolutely fine. She's fine.

@Bostonbullsmumma

I had the same letter- I was really upset and also angry. You only had to look at my DC to see they were healthy and fit. Play sport constantly. If you saw the size of their dad you would understand they are very broad build. I felt my parenting was being judged. My youngest DC is even broader- I'm sure I'll get the same letter. If I'd known, I would have refused him being measured and weighted to avoid him being a government statistic!

Why would you get so defensive about it, perhaps as you know deep down its true?

DS was always less lean looking than his friends and nudged into the overweight category at times. At 15 he is tall and slim, almost skinny.
If you're confident she is active with a good diet, don't worry.

I am only expecting my 1st so I haven't had any experience in this yet. I think doing the food diary is a good idea. Keep track of what she eats in a typical week. The aren't sending out these letters to me mean/ cruel/ give children complexes. They are sending them because a shocking amount of children are over weight/ obese. Many studies show those traits are carried into adulthood.

@NdefH81 something amiss? Like what exactly?

One twin weighs 12 pounds more than the other but they both look healthy and not overweight.

What could be wrong?

OP are you or your husband overweight?

Some people are more inclined to being overweight than others. I don’t believe simple “calories in calories out” stuff - it depends on other things like gut flora, hormones, ratio of brown fat to white, etc etc.

But none of that changes the fact that overweight children will typically become overweight adults and their weight will typically impact their health.

So I’d keep a food diary over a couple weeks, (don’t make it obvious to dc that that’s what you’re doing!), then make an appointment to take her to the GP.

If dc is at a state school then I’d be surprised if the school meals were as nutritionally balanced and healthy as the LEA would claim - ours say all the right stuff, but then give them pizza and chips followed by a cake for school lunch, and the fruit that’s “always on offer” is very (very) far past it’s best.

You know what I'd do if it were me - throw the letter in the bin, don't see the HV ever again, and carry on with everything you're doing. Your daughter is fine, your GP has confirmed it. HVs are just box-tickers.

My sons are adults now, but Son2 was big from the start - 10lb 13oz born. HVs used to tell me to cut down on his milk/only feed him at set times, etc. I ignored all that bollocks and started him solids from the age of 6 weeks, on pureed apple. He stayed big (compared to other kids who'd been 7lb from birth etc) until he was about 5, and by the time he'd settled in at school, he was fine. He's now 38, tall and slim.

I know most people on here are saying ignore the letter, but in DD's class there were 2 children (1 girl 1 boy) who got that letter. The parents were outraged and everyone supported the in the same way as on this thread (big boned/will grow into it). Both of those children are now very significantly and very visible overweight. It's an early warning sign for you that shouldn't be blithely dismissed.

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@NdefH81 something amiss? Like what exactly?

One twin weighs 12 pounds more than the other but they both look healthy and not overweight.

What could be wrong?[/quote]
How old are they?

@Papayamya I get so defensive as why should my child be humiliated in to being given a letter in front of his mates saying he's overweight. No support was offered to me after either. What was the point in the letter? It's impossible to make a GP appointment and his HV, since we moved, never returned my calls. If he was overweight I'd have sucked it up and done something about it. Please do tell me what the benefit of the letter is?

I threw my letter out that said my DD was overweight. She was 75th ventile, although not for height, and from age 10 has leaned out, and now aged 13 is a completely normal weight and height.
The only suggestion I will make, is have a critical eye on portion sizes and don’t allow too many snacks.