The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

I don't understand what you mean

'I don't think you can apply this to a lot of the population nowadays. Especially parents of overweight kids.'

Anyone can see someone's overweight. If you're saying people are in denial that's another matter.

Health professionals should use visual checks ref people being overweight and stop relying on an antiquated BMI system that does not account for muscle mass. Overweight people don't have muscle they have fat. It's simple!

You btw are not overweight as a size 10 unless you're under 5ft tall.

OP sounds like a sensible approach.

At the end of the day, not much else you can do in addition to what you're already doing, OP. You're aware, providing appropriate sized healthy meals, encouraging activity - there's really not much else that you can do at this age. Far better to end up with a kid (and eventually an adult) that's a bit overweight but who eats healthily, exercises and is active and is happy with a positive relationship with food than a normal weight one who eats crap and doesn't exercise (because weight is only one part of health and wellbeing, there's a lot more to it!) or is miserable and has a disordered relationship with food and exercise because their parents made it a massive issue.

*We now have a completely unrealistic view of what healthy looks like. And when it comes to overweight children there's such denial. Phrases like "puppy fat" etc.

I'm currently half a stone overweight. But I can still buy a size 10 in some shops (which would NOT have been a 10 a few years ago! I'm wearing some old 14s!) so my head is firmly in the sand until I can be bothered to stop eating crap.*

I agree with this. I'm 10 stone and 5ft 2 so at the lower end of the overweight category, my bmi is 25 I think. For me it's accurate, I look a bit chubby with some weight to lose. I have some size 12 and 14 clothes bought a couple of years ago which fit nicely. Yet recently in Asda I had to buy size 8-10 clothes as size 12 drowned me.

This could have been written by me!
My DS was bf and was on the 98th centil etc but we had same experience in primary (letter saying overweight) i phoned and told them they did not have permission to weigh him again.
We were under a consultant for another issue, who was so, so condescending about weight, even asking what was in my handbag and weather i brought "snacks" with me😳
Being honest, finding clothing was a nightmare for a few years as his waist was that of a 16 year old, yet leg length etc was that of a 9 year old. T shirts etc didn't fit and i bought adult clothing but neck etc would gape.
We eat salads, veg and lean protein, loads of exercise but i did remove sugary drinks and squash from diet...
At 12,DS sddenly started to shoot up and as a teenager is 6ft and all muscle. Grew into his body etc.
I never talk about anyhting being fat or overweight etc etc. We only talk about feeling good and healthy. Clothing now, we buya few key items that he likes and then by a few the same so that he always has clothing he feels good in (he is like a fully grown man compared to his tiny classmates) so we focus on self esteem etc. Hope this helps a little x

I had this issue when I took my daughter to the health visitor, she told me straight my daughter was obese she wasn’t, the woman who told me this was very overweight so I put it to her how could she advise about weight when she was the size of a sea animal, it was never mentioned again

Reduce her portions by a 5th she'll barely notice.
Portion sizes are a curse, if she is eating hearty portions albeit healthy you're setting her up for overeating when she is older and less active.
My DS didn't notice the 5th missing but its a full meal of calorie saving at the end of their day.

Create a food dairy and log calories for one week for a better idea of what is happening.
I get it I've 2 DC one is slim and long the other is chunky and solid but he has slim down by a little reducing the 5th.

@Airz83
Oh good for you. I would never be that brave ...

I had to endure a lot of crap with DS was a baby because he wasn't gaining enough weight according to HV and we had to go for weekly weigh ins etc. Every single HCP I came in touch with missed the signs that he was lactose intolerant (until GP listened to me and took action). It was also a relief speaking to the hospital consultant who told me not to worry that DS was still having a bottle of (non-dairy formula) overnight at 16 months and that he would just stop needing it when he was ready - which is what happened.

My ds would have to gain 1.5 stones to get to the 98th centile. That's a lot of extra weight for a small child. it's a lot of extra weight for an adult. There's a lot of "stocky" "big boned" "solid" children at school. When I was wee there was often only one very overnight child in the whole school. The same applied at secondary. Now normal sized kids like my middle dc are deemed skinny and teased. Dds peers are bigger than me. I'm short and pushing the boundaries of a healthy BMI but these lasses are huge in comparison. Body shapes have changed over the decades too. For young women anyway.

I wasn’t always this brave learnt that I was the one to stick up and speak out for my daughter as if she did she would be considered rude and hasn’t been bought up that way, I think is absurd that healthcare professionals that go on about weight and health eating especially with kids are the size they are pot calling kettle black me thinks

@Airz83 you just sound rude and obnoxious.

A health professional is telling you your young daughter is obese and your only comeback is “well so are you”?

Grow up. She’s not telling you your daughter is a hideous vile beast she’s making a factual statement.

My colleague had to tell a young woman recently her BMI was too high to continue on her contraceptive pill so she had to switch to a different one.

The woman wrote in to complain she’d been fat shamed. This is what we’re up against.

That's it isn't it. Telling someone that they're overweight isn't an insult.

If a dentist told you that there was a problem with your teeth you wouldn't dismiss it as them talking rubbish and insulting you.

If the optician says you need glasses you don't get angry and say well you're wearing glasses too so who are you to tell me I need glasses.

Addressing a child's weight doesn't mean that they're going to get an eating disorder. You don't even have to mention it to them. It's likely that their portions are a bit too big.

@Airz83

I had this issue when I took my daughter to the health visitor, she told me straight my daughter was obese she wasn’t, the woman who told me this was very overweight so I put it to her how could she advise about weight when she was the size of a sea animal, it was never mentioned again

Wow. That's not brave that's just nasty. She is required to advise and who knows why her own weight is not managed better. She's not slinging insults, obese is a weight category and health workers are obliged to raise it as the parents are best placed to have a degree of control. If you disagree with the assessment or there are circumstances affecting the situation why not just discuss this as one mature adult in the role of parent to another mature adult in the role of health worker. But no you likened her to a sea animal as though that was somehow a worthy retort. And you voiced this for your child so they aren't considered rude you say. Christ on a bike. Unless this health worker was pouring scorn and judgement upon you with her advice flagging up your child's weight, they're is no justification for this and even then why stoop so low.

@Airz83

I had this issue when I took my daughter to the health visitor, she told me straight my daughter was obese she wasn’t, the woman who told me this was very overweight so I put it to her how could she advise about weight when she was the size of a sea animal, it was never mentioned again

I’m surprised someone with a fat daughter would approve of throwing around insults to fat people.

@Airz83 I know you think you were being clever with what you said but it's actually one of the rudest, nastiest things I've ever read on here. I hope your daughter has better manners than you.

OMG. You insulted a HCP about their weight by calling them the size of a “sea animal” and you think others are “judgemental idiots”

Irony abounds.

😂 😂

I’m not trusting someone who flings insults at people doing their job to judge what counts as beautiful manners.

You ok there, Airz?

Sounding a bit over invested in this thread.

Chuck the letter and don't even give it another thought!!

@Airz83

My daughter has beautiful manners and has also learnt to stick up for herself when needed like I did for her a obese professional shouldn’t be educating anyone about weight especially if they themselves are obese but hey this is what’s wrong with society today full of idiots like yourself

She's a health professional, that's why she can educate you about health matters. Her own weight issues probably give her greater insight if anything.

Will you refuse advice from an optician if they don't wear glasses? A dentist, unless they also have fillings? A GP, unless they also take the medication they are prescribing you? It's illogical.

Calling someone a 'sea animal' isn't standing up for yourself, it's bullying.

Oh @Airz83 I hope you’ve reflected on just how mean you were. A poor woman doing her job, she’s paid for being called names by someone she’s trying to help. Just terrible. I hope for your daughter’s sake that other people don’t judge her for her obesity as it’s just cruel

Sorry I think there is something a bit hypocritical about a HCP lecturing someone about weight when they clearly have weight problems. In the same way i was a bit aghast when my GP informed me that she only breastfed her kid for 2 weeks after lecturing me about the need to breastfeed for longer. I wasn't rude but I did think that surely you are supposed to model healthy behaviour as a HCP?