The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

I agree with a PP the charts need updating to a degree. We know children are now on average hitting puberty earlier. My DD started period 2 days before her 11th birthday. My mum similar body type was 15. DD is now fully grown and has an adult body shape and type. Over weight on child charts bu normal on adults. Peadiatric team who she sees for something non weight related have confirmed she's fully cooked at 14! And a healthy weight.

I agree with a PP the charts need updating to a degree. We know children are now on average hitting puberty earlier
The current girl's growth chart (introduced in 2009 in England, so not exactly the Dark Ages) states the normal range for the start of puberty is 8 to 13 years and has a shaded area to allow for variation in normal height according to whether a girl is prepubertal or in puberty during those ages.
I doubt there has been further significant change in the last few years.

@lljkk

The parent I knew buying age 9-10 yr trousers for her 6 & 7 yr olds -- that parent said she paid £8/pair to shorten the trousers.

I do an activity where I help kit kids out (non sport activity). I wear (loose fit) a men's medium size shirt -- there are yr6s & yr7s who need larger size shirts than me . They are much shorter than me. We struggle to keep larger sizes in stock.

Iv'e been this parent. And agree, it's a problem that should be recognised. DS has sensory issues and being overweight seems to be a common complaint for children with SPD. Doesn't change the fact that he was wearing clothing 2-3 years too big for him and it was too long because his waist to length ratio was wrong.

On plus side, I've barely bought him clothes in ages because as he's lost weight heading towards the teenager years, he's gained some height but most of his clothes still fit him - just in a different (better) way.

My middle child has always been 99th percentile weight, height etc. His siblings are more around 75% and the oldest is about 55% now. He's always been massive compared to classmates, not particularly fat, just huge.

He is 16 now and 6ft 4" and still growing. He weighs about 245lbs which I know is overweight, but honestly he doesn't have much to loose - his bones, head, shoulders etc are all proportional. He's just built like an ox.

So long as you know the portions are fine and she's healthy, don't stress.

I had the letter when my daughter was in Y6. She’s always been solid (like me) and muscular (did gymnastics) and when they weighed/measured her she was an adult size 8 with bust and hips, had started her periods and looked like a small, petite woman. Not fat in the least! I never told her, didn’t change anything and she’s still got a lovely figure now she’s 16 and has no body issues.

Take no notice!! You know if your child is “overweight” (as in chubby) and if you have no concerns, ignore it. The BMI system is out of date.

@AgeingDoc

I agree with a PP the charts need updating to a degree. We know children are now on average hitting puberty earlier The current girl's growth chart (introduced in 2009 in England, so not exactly the Dark Ages) states the normal range for the start of puberty is 8 to 13 years and has a shaded area to allow for variation in normal height according to whether a girl is prepubertal or in puberty during those ages. I doubt there has been further significant change in the last few years.

I might be wrong, and have misinterpreted, but I understand that the new charts from the WHO only go up to 5 years, and that the years after that, the `"curve" follows the same trajectory as the original system, and therefore does not reflect the "modern" era for children older than 5.

@BigWoollyJumpers

A 16 year old should not be their full adult weight yet and I would expect one that looked like you on their 16th birthday to be on track to become an overweight adult

This is so wrong. I would suggest (looking at DD's set), that most of her cohort are indeed fully grown at 16. I think this could also be an issue in the modern world. These charts have not been updated since the 1950's. Children and teens are completely different from that era. There will always be difficulty in using "averages" as well, as there will always be outliers. From personal experience again in both DD's cohorts (and in leafy Surrey), more girls are underweight than over, and many of them are 5'10" and completely fully formed adult women by 16.

It is not wrong! Fully grown and full adult weight are not the same thing! Yes, most 16 year old girls will have stopped growing, but they usually continue to gain weight slowly until they are in their 20s. Not many adult women will weigh the same as they did at 16, even though they may be a perfectly healthy weight. 16 year olds on the whole will weigh less than women in their 20s.

We had that letter about DS when he was about 10, although it didn’t say we had to take him to the GP. He was a bit chubby/solid but not excessively so, I wasn’t remotely concerned. It lasted maybe a year and then he shot up and became a long streak with a 28in waist, broad shoulders & a six pack. BMI measurements should only be a very rough guide, not gospel.

Not RTFT, no intention of, I really can't be doing with stuff like this. Bloody Big Brother watching us all, trying to cover their backs.

You have a healthy child, OP, throw the damn thing (letter, NOT child!) in the bin, & no more worrying. Hugs.

Agree with @TheyCallMeJune
I have tall siblings who are now overweight but also looking back at pictures they always were.
My kids are very tall but skinny and their weight is more or less the average for their ages and are lighter than some children who are shorter.
I think some parents, including mine, always fall into the: oh but he or she is tall and they'll stretch out trap. It doesn't always workout that way.

I would tell them to get stuffed. My 19 year old asd son was at a hospital just before Christmas to get his teeth sorted and when they took his height and weight I was told he was over weight. He is 6ft 2 and 11 stone and looks like a stick insect!

I wouldn't worry, I've always been 'heavier' and BMI has generally always been in the overweight section, however I'm very active and a size 10. My doctor said i have 'heavy bones' and not to worry about charts. They are and can be quite dangerous things.

Chuck it in the bin and carry on with her healthy eating and exercise.

Ignore it. You know she has a healthy diet and takes exercise so it’ll sort itself out. Above all don’t get into calories & weighing all the time as she’ll develop body issues. My no 1 son was always chubby and we didn’t make an issue of it. He’s fine.

It is not wrong! Fully grown and full adult weight are not the same thing! Yes, most 16 year old girls will have stopped growing, but they usually continue to gain weight slowly until they are in their 20s. Not many adult women will weigh the same as they did at 16, even though they may be a perfectly healthy weight. 16 year olds on the whole will weigh less than women in their 20s.

I think actually lots of girls have reached their adult weight by 16. I have weighed the same since 12. (Well apart from half a stone gained during pregnancy that I haven't managed to shift). I would say I was fairly normal amongst my peers. Different for boys, they usually do remain fairly skinny until they are older

This strikes at my heart
I was "diagnosed" as overweight at age 5, put on diets and lots of pressure. I was fostered with my mum's sister as mum was single and was not coping well financially.
This diagnosis made me conscious of my weight at such an early age, gave me phobias, etc. This continued until by the age of 11 I was ten stone, although the tallest in my class
I had developed comfort eating, felt the loneliness of being an only child with adult family members only and had experienced bullying.
By the time I was 19,I was a size 16 which looking back now wasn't that bad but in 1981 felt huge!
I've been up to 22 stone but now weigh the same as I did when I was 26 pre childbearing , so I'm happy with that.
As I've gone through adult life I've had lots of mental health problems and in some part tracks back to this diagnosis when I was five. It made me feel yet again not good enough when already feeling vulnerable in my family situation.
What I'm saying is, please leave the child alone and ignore the "professionals" ....to a certain extent
You sound like you give the child a fun and active life and fitness is important. Different health professionals disagree about diet....that's why we have so many pressures about weight!
I'd say the child is growing, it's a very early age, so concentrate on fitness and a good mixed diet, maybe lower carbs if anything. Keep a diary subtly to show the professional xxx
Good luck and my heart goes out to you and your child xxx

We get told DS is underweight all the time. I just ignore them - he’s a perfectly normal weight for a 5 year old, but it gets wildly skewed as he’s the height of a 7 year old. He eats large adult portions and 3 snacks a day, it’s just the way he’s built, and the letters are pointless.

Similar here, praised for very good breastfeeding then as soon as onto solids overweight. I've spoken to HV, Dr, paediatrician etc and now refused to have my daughter weighed as there was no medical reason. Good diet and plenty of exercise. Raising my son exactly the same and he is a lot smaller.

BMI for anyone below 1.50m or above 2m can’t be done as weight increases disproportionate to height.

Also muscle is heavier than fat so a slimmer person could be heavier than a chunkier person of same height.

chuck it in the bin and take no notice my grandaughter is very slim and quite tall she got a letter saying she was overweight she's 11 , if we were to tell her that and she lost weight she'd be a bag of bones. you know your own child and she dounds like she has a good diet , chuck it in the bin

You don’t HAVE to do anything. Ignore letter. Make sure food she eats is healthy and give her as much of it as she wants. My DD was the same Re: centiles and I thought the letter was bonkers - she has never been “overweight” or pudgy in her life, except as a gorgeous cuddly baby! Now in secondary, absolutely no weight issues. Stressing about it will only give you both anxiety around food which is far more dangerous than being a 99th centile 4 year old… ignore

I refused permission for the school to weigh and measure my dcs after we had to attend monthly appointments with a dietician because they said my daughter was underweight (she was just tall for her age). The grossly overweight dietician told us to add butter, cream and yogurt to everything she ate to increase calories. I told her no as I didn't want to give her a heart attack before she was 10. She's still slim 10 years later but eats well and is very active and healthy.

Hi op, I weigh heavy for size. I am over weight at the mo but even at clothes size 10 I still weighed 10st10lbs. I’m 5’4” tall. I have muscle, but not huge- I just think I really do have heavy bones. 🤷‍♂️Perhaps this is what’s going on?