Page 2 | Do you believe in 'soul mates'?

SummerDays2020 · 2022-03-29T09:32:20+00:00

Influenced by The Wake Up on Headspace this morning. Do you believe in 'soul mates'? I don't know if anyone else feels this. But, I believed my ex-husband was my soul mate. I feel that my current partner is my soul mate. Perhaps, as my split from my ex-DH was amicable (although, very painful and still is a bit) and we are still good friends, I still see him as a soul mate. Not sure if that makes sense. But the time I was with him was very precious and our co-parenting relationship is still very important to me. We were together for 17 years. But my current DP I love so much and hope we are together for a very long time. Our relationship is equally precious to me.

housemaus · 29/03/2022 12:18

No, I don't.

Not in the sense of being someone you're fated to be with or uniquely designed to be perfect together with, anyway - because statistically, as a PP has pointed out, the chances that most people meet that 'soul mate' within a 100 mile radius of where they live is nonsense.

I do think there are people who are very compatible on a kind of indefinable level - my parents are a good example. They've been divorced 20 years but nobody lights them up like each other and they will always adore each other. They are two people who are just... on the same frequency, I guess? (Sounds woo, isn't meant to!).

But even then, I wouldn't call them soulmates, because I think that suggests that that kind of chemistry is more important than the hard, necessary work of a truly good relationship - my parents may still be drawn to one another and clearly very compatible in some sense, but they weren't able to make their marriage work. They couldn't do the daily, weekly, yearly work of loving someone when stuff is hard or you don't like each other much or whatever. The idea of soulmates makes a truly good relationship sound like chance or luck or fate - and I'm firmly of the belief that while that spark and chemistry and compatibility is important, the true beauty of a good relationship is showing up and doing concrete things to make it work. That's romantic to me, not the hard-to-define spark.

Ideally you have both: DH and I are very compatible, he is the person I feel most myself around, I still get excited to see him after he's been at work for the day after almost a decade. But we also put the work in and actively commit to our relationship and that's the bit I'm prouder of, not that we happen to click chemistry-wise.

Soffit · 29/03/2022 12:20

Yes, but you don't just have none or one or you can have a few and they are not all based on romantic relationships.

I think it ties into what your beliefs are regarding reincarnation. If you don't believe in some version of reincarnation (there are many) then you cannot believe in a soul that existed in a different physical body before you were born and will transfer into a different living body after your body 'dies' on the physical plane. It is about a memory cycle over many, many years where people may have soul memories regarding having met somebody in a previous incarnation which relates how they relate to the person in this one. Without that belief, it is just about getting along well?

There would be very little point in believing in 'a soul' if it is merely seen as being for the duration of one earthly lifecycle and not on transference of the soul between different incarnations on the physical plane over many lifetimes. That is more like a compatible life partner.

Mummyratbag · 29/03/2022 12:28

Not sure what I believe, but there are certain people I have met during my life (not necessarily romantic partners) where I have just thought "I already know you". I'm sure there is a rational explanation, but it feels like instant recognition.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 29/03/2022 12:28

No..: I believe there are lots of people you can be compatible with at different stages of your life. For a life partner: you have to be careful who you choose: but they don’t need to be your “soulmate”. Kindness and mutual respect is much more important to me.

For example; there have been guys I have been strongly attracted to, pre DH. But to marry and have kids with them would have her a complete disaster

incognitoforthisone · 29/03/2022 12:41

Well ... I think it depends how you define 'soul-mate'.

I definitely think DP is my 'soul-mate' in the sense that we completely understand each other and have a connection and an affinity that neither of us have ever had with anyone else.There is nobody in the world I'd rather spend time with.

But I don't believe that were 'destined to meet' or anything like that - it's pure luck. And if we hadn't met, there's nothing to say we wouldn't both have met other people and been happy with them too.

WoolyMammoth55 · 29/03/2022 12:41

Hi OP, I'm a woo-woo spiritual nutter :) and I believe we have souls that are Divine and immortal. I believe in reincarnation and that we have many lifetimes before moksha (translated as "liberation") when we become part of the One-ness and stop reincarnating.

I actually believe in Soul Family - that there are people whose souls are linked to ours and we will meet them and love them in multiple lifetimes. I feel this way about my platonic best friend, and some other close friends, and about my children and (some of!) my siblings. I feel this way about my mum who passed away; I believe her soul is with me often.

I also feel it about my DH. It's very comforting and it helps me to connect to 'big picture' thinking when I get the niggles about the small stuff :)

Obviously I realise loads of people think this is irrational nonsense/ stupidity/ whatever. It's just what I believe. It's not like it can be proven either way! But it makes me very happy and I LOVE getting the Soul Family feeling when you meet someone you've never met before and your soul just goes "OH HELLO AGAIN!" :)

ComDummings · 29/03/2022 12:45

In a way yes but also no. I believe there are people who we just gel with and just ‘fit with’ and I’d say that’s a soulmate to me even though I don’t believe it’s some spiritual thing. It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner but it could be a friend - someone who you just feel like you’re home with and you have a natural connection with. It’s rare but there isn’t just ‘one’ for us.

Mummyratbag · 29/03/2022 12:48

@WoolyMammoth55 - yes, that's the feeling!

junglejane66 · 29/03/2022 13:01

I defiantly believe it. I was really lucky, with 7.7 billion people in the world I found my soul mate, who it turns out only lived 3 miles from me

blobby10 · 29/03/2022 13:02

Yes I believe they exist for some people - my parents definitely and possibly my siblings with their partners but I haven't met mine and don't expect to.

blobby10 · 29/03/2022 13:03

*@WoolyMammoth55 * I love your post!!! x

Maddiemademe · 29/03/2022 13:08

I didn’t until I met mine. It was like I knew her my whole life. Speak at the same time about the same things, have the same thoughts, and the energy between us after almost a decade is electric. Time literally flies by every day especially when alone. We never stop talking to the point of never watching tv shows properly because even though we work on our business together we still never run out of things to say. I often feel like we could have been together in a past life, or our energy is previously connected. Felt nothing like it before and no matter what people believe, I believe we were just meant to be. She completes me and I her.

crosstalk · 29/03/2022 14:42

With Tim Minchin.

LethargeMarg · 29/03/2022 14:54

No and I think it can be a bit of an emotional blackmail, love bomb type of description which keeps people trapped in unhealthy relationships. I'm very happy with dh but definitely think I would be just as happy had I not met him .

Babdoc · 29/03/2022 15:07

DH was and remains my soulmate, despite the fact that he died 30 years ago.
I still love him and miss him, and have never remarried. He is irreplaceable. As a Christian, I hope that God will reunite us after my death.

Hugasauras · 29/03/2022 15:14

No. How convenient that so many people manage to meet their apparent 'soul mates' in the tiny sphere of their own lives. The numbers don't stack up.

I think there are plenty of people in the world you could fall in love with and have a happy life with. That doesn't mean it's any less special to have found one of them!

ToxicBuns · 29/03/2022 15:43

Most certainly do! My husband and I are definitely soul mates. We are so in tune with one another and we feel like we've known each other our whole lives.

May seem silly, soppy to some but we personally love the thought of it.

emmetgirl · 29/03/2022 15:49

No

MangyInseam · 29/03/2022 15:54

No, I've never believed in that. I think that there are any number of people any of us could marry successfully, and it would involve hard work in every case.

I think the idea of soulmates, even if it's not articulated that way, makes marriage harder, tbh.

LadyMacduff · 29/03/2022 15:57

No.

As Tim Minchin says:

Our love is one in a million, you couldn't buy it at any price
But of the nine point nine nine nine
Hundred thousand other possible loves
Statistically some of them would be equally nice

TweenTrauma · 29/03/2022 15:58

No I think there’s probably thousands of people out there we’re compatible with.

That said, I’d never had a particularly successful long term relationship until I met my current partner. I only shagged him because I was pissed, didn’t even really fancy him, but then we started hanging out and after about a week I just knew that I couldn’t not have him in my life, and I’ve never felt that way before.

On paper, we make no sense at all. We’re like chalk and cheese. But it just works, and two years on we’re still so happy, laugh constantly and have never had anything approaching an argument. Which is amazing because in previous relationships I’ve been irritated so easily, but just don’t get that at all with him.

User838960 · 29/03/2022 16:11

I love what you've said OP. I've always felt a deep, protective, loving bond to my ex P even though I fell out of love with him and ended our relationship. I've never stopped reflecting on what an amazing partner he was and connection we had.

I love hearing you've found that again. I hope for the same!

I know 'soul mate' is a romanticist term to a lot of people. But I do believe we find our 'penguin' once or twice.

Original poster

SummerDays2020 · 29/03/2022 16:30

@housemaus

No, I don't.

Not in the sense of being someone you're fated to be with or uniquely designed to be perfect together with, anyway - because statistically, as a PP has pointed out, the chances that most people meet that 'soul mate' within a 100 mile radius of where they live is nonsense.

I do think there are people who are very compatible on a kind of indefinable level - my parents are a good example. They've been divorced 20 years but nobody lights them up like each other and they will always adore each other. They are two people who are just... on the same frequency, I guess? (Sounds woo, isn't meant to!).

But even then, I wouldn't call them soulmates, because I think that suggests that that kind of chemistry is more important than the hard, necessary work of a truly good relationship - my parents may still be drawn to one another and clearly very compatible in some sense, but they weren't able to make their marriage work. They couldn't do the daily, weekly, yearly work of loving someone when stuff is hard or you don't like each other much or whatever. The idea of soulmates makes a truly good relationship sound like chance or luck or fate - and I'm firmly of the belief that while that spark and chemistry and compatibility is important, the true beauty of a good relationship is showing up and doing concrete things to make it work. That's romantic to me, not the hard-to-define spark.

Ideally you have both: DH and I are very compatible, he is the person I feel most myself around, I still get excited to see him after he's been at work for the day after almost a decade. But we also put the work in and actively commit to our relationship and that's the bit I'm prouder of, not that we happen to click chemistry-wise.

Ah, that's nice. Some good relationship advice there, I think.

OP posts:

Velvian · 29/03/2022 16:32

Not since my ExH (then BF obv.) tried to convince me at 14 YO, I was dubious then and luckily I'm not 14 anymore.

It is just a concept invented by people that wish to treat you like shit and get away with it.

Original poster

SummerDays2020 · 29/03/2022 16:33

@Mummyratbag

Not sure what I believe, but there are certain people I have met during my life (not necessarily romantic partners) where I have just thought "I already know you". I'm sure there is a rational explanation, but it feels like instant recognition.

I know what you mean! I definitely felt that when I met one of my best friends!

OP posts: