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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you do?

85 replies

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 29/03/2022 08:00

I bought two bichon frise bitches 18 months/2 years ago. I have since learned that this breed is notorious to house train! Both settled in well with us, as a family, but the younger one remained quite anxious, started to develop some fear based aggression when out walking and was still having regular accidents in the house despite my best efforts. I also have to say that I think the older bitch was a bit of a bully, especially around food, but as soon as I realised I separated them at meal times and then for the most part they got on well. So... I get them professionally groomed once a month and I was telling my groomer about my woes with the little one and that I had started to consider rehoming and she said she would have her in a jiffy. I said that as I was only exploring the idea and have 5 year old twins who are most attached to her, we would have to have a weekend trial initially and then a period of reflection to which she agreed. I suggested Saturday to Sunday/Monday but the groomer asked for her on the Friday instead and so I took her to the lady's shop then. The family had a much calmer weekend and the older bitch seemed happier, the twins had a little cry but we're bolstered by the promise it was only a trial and no firm decision had been made. Anyway on Monday morning I texted to ask could we come pick her up and the reply was no I'm keeping her. I was genuinely shocked. She said her young son had become too attached over the weekend, she had settled and we were apparently treating her like a toy. I said the kids would be devastated if she didn't honour the plan especially as they are adopted and find it very hard when the ones they love just disappear out of nowhere. This had no impact on her whatsoever. She said we could meet halfway and they could come and say goodbye with her there. I refused this, I'm not taking my children to some car park to say goodbye to their beloved dog after 18 months with the 'new' somewhat aggressive family standing guard.

After calmly appealing to her and realising she wasn't going to budge, I phoned the police. Two policemen called her and she still refused to give her back. I was then told they could do no more, it's a civil matter and to get her back I will have to go through the courts which could take months and cost thousands. Also, she will have become attached to the new owners and I couldn't put her through the upheaval again.

My dilemma is this. She had no intention of honouring the agreement. She saw her and wanted her at any cost and the impact it will have on my kids is unforgivable. On the other hand, she is a real animal lover (former vetinary nurse, dog rescuer, dog groomer) and the dog will have the best life. I just feel sick at how she has gone about it. What do I do? I could send a solicitor's letter and I'm told I have a very strong case as I have all the evidence but I'm trying hard to think about what's right, it can't be just about winning.

OP posts:
CoffeeAndDryShampoo · 29/03/2022 15:39

OP I have sent you a PM.

Bananabutter · 29/03/2022 16:06

@Hillsmakeyoustrong

I won't keep repeating that the lady in question was known to me for some months. That she has a stellar reputation locally.
And I would happily ruin that reputation.
Bluebluemoon · 29/03/2022 16:09

I'd just leave it. You don't want her back and the twins will get over it.

Aprilx · 29/03/2022 16:20

@Mama1980

Sorry I just meant make sure the police had it on file as a case, which is slightly different from just reporting it.
Again how many times?

It isn’t a case. Police deal with criminal matters not civil matters.

JudgeRindersMinder · 29/03/2022 18:07

@Mama1980

Sorry I just meant make sure the police had it on file as a case, which is slightly different from just reporting it.
That’s not how it works, as I’ve said numerous times and the OP herself has said, it’s nothing to do with police
Hillsmakeyoustrong · 29/03/2022 20:47

The police have it on record because I did call them in the first instance. I thought it was a clear case of theft. They didn't have to but two separate police officers called her and tried to talk her into returning the dog but she refused. They said unfortunately they had no enforcement powers in the situation and I'd have to pursue her through the courts.

My husband I have instructed our solicitor to write a letter to her in the first instance demanding the return of the dog which I think she will ignore. I have phoned twenty vets today within an hour's radius to explain what has happened and to say that if she needs treatment I will pay for it. They have all been brilliant. I have a few more to call on my list tomorrow.

This could take a long time and if there's proof that she is happy and being well cared for then I won't take it all the way. I will absolutely do what's best for the dog.

OP posts:
Wheniruletheworld · 30/03/2022 06:35

@Starlight86

Ehhhhhh im absolutely astounded at the replies on here.

Taking out the fact that you were potentially toying with the idea of rehoming the dog THIS WOMAN HAS STOLEN YOUR DOG!!!!!!

The sheer arrogance and audacity of her is shocking.

Her behavior of I want it and now ive got it is completely unacceptable.

Im sorry OP i really dont know what i would do in your situation but i can tell you that i would do something purely to teach her a lesson. I would make sure i got your dog back if it meant taking it off her in the street.
People need to learn that it is not acceptable behavior.

OP is not in the wrong here!!

The OP is wrong on a number of levels... Buys 2 dogs without doing proper research on the breed Decides behaviour of one dog is too much, so tpys with idea of giving it away; sends it for a trial weekend (lovely thing to do to your kids) Ok, the person she handed it to for the trial weekend is in the wrong in her approach, but I am not surprised given the circs. Let's hope the kids are housetrained....
Wheniruletheworld · 30/03/2022 06:42

@Hillsmakeyoustrong

I bought two bichon frise bitches 18 months/2 years ago. I have since learned that this breed is notorious to house train! Both settled in well with us, as a family, but the younger one remained quite anxious, started to develop some fear based aggression when out walking and was still having regular accidents in the house despite my best efforts. I also have to say that I think the older bitch was a bit of a bully, especially around food, but as soon as I realised I separated them at meal times and then for the most part they got on well. So... I get them professionally groomed once a month and I was telling my groomer about my woes with the little one and that I had started to consider rehoming and she said she would have her in a jiffy. I said that as I was only exploring the idea and have 5 year old twins who are most attached to her, we would have to have a weekend trial initially and then a period of reflection to which she agreed. I suggested Saturday to Sunday/Monday but the groomer asked for her on the Friday instead and so I took her to the lady's shop then. The family had a much calmer weekend and the older bitch seemed happier, the twins had a little cry but we're bolstered by the promise it was only a trial and no firm decision had been made. Anyway on Monday morning I texted to ask could we come pick her up and the reply was no I'm keeping her. I was genuinely shocked. She said her young son had become too attached over the weekend, she had settled and we were apparently treating her like a toy. I said the kids would be devastated if she didn't honour the plan especially as they are adopted and find it very hard when the ones they love just disappear out of nowhere. This had no impact on her whatsoever. She said we could meet halfway and they could come and say goodbye with her there. I refused this, I'm not taking my children to some car park to say goodbye to their beloved dog after 18 months with the 'new' somewhat aggressive family standing guard.

After calmly appealing to her and realising she wasn't going to budge, I phoned the police. Two policemen called her and she still refused to give her back. I was then told they could do no more, it's a civil matter and to get her back I will have to go through the courts which could take months and cost thousands. Also, she will have become attached to the new owners and I couldn't put her through the upheaval again.

My dilemma is this. She had no intention of honouring the agreement. She saw her and wanted her at any cost and the impact it will have on my kids is unforgivable. On the other hand, she is a real animal lover (former vetinary nurse, dog rescuer, dog groomer) and the dog will have the best life. I just feel sick at how she has gone about it. What do I do? I could send a solicitor's letter and I'm told I have a very strong case as I have all the evidence but I'm trying hard to think about what's right, it can't be just about winning.

I've just re-read this and seen your sentence about your kids being adopted and their anxiety. And you did this to them and their dog? You told them nothing was confirmed, yet you were happy to seperate them from their pet, and I suspect, had no intention of having dog back permanently. Unfortunately, the woman has behaved rather bizarrely and now you have to explain to the kids that she has buggered off with their dog
EarringsandLipstick · 01/04/2022 07:40

@Wheniruletheworld

Where does the OP say in that post that her DC are adopted?

Wheniruletheworld · 01/04/2022 08:05

[quote EarringsandLipstick]@Wheniruletheworld

Where does the OP say in that post that her DC are adopted? [/quote]
About 2/3 way down...

Quote:
She said her young son had become too attached over the weekend, she had settled and we were apparently treating her like a toy. I said the kids would be devastated if she didn't honour the plan especially as they are adopted and find it very hard when the ones they love just disappear out of nowhere

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