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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do?

85 replies

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 29/03/2022 08:00

I bought two bichon frise bitches 18 months/2 years ago. I have since learned that this breed is notorious to house train! Both settled in well with us, as a family, but the younger one remained quite anxious, started to develop some fear based aggression when out walking and was still having regular accidents in the house despite my best efforts. I also have to say that I think the older bitch was a bit of a bully, especially around food, but as soon as I realised I separated them at meal times and then for the most part they got on well. So... I get them professionally groomed once a month and I was telling my groomer about my woes with the little one and that I had started to consider rehoming and she said she would have her in a jiffy. I said that as I was only exploring the idea and have 5 year old twins who are most attached to her, we would have to have a weekend trial initially and then a period of reflection to which she agreed. I suggested Saturday to Sunday/Monday but the groomer asked for her on the Friday instead and so I took her to the lady's shop then. The family had a much calmer weekend and the older bitch seemed happier, the twins had a little cry but we're bolstered by the promise it was only a trial and no firm decision had been made. Anyway on Monday morning I texted to ask could we come pick her up and the reply was no I'm keeping her. I was genuinely shocked. She said her young son had become too attached over the weekend, she had settled and we were apparently treating her like a toy. I said the kids would be devastated if she didn't honour the plan especially as they are adopted and find it very hard when the ones they love just disappear out of nowhere. This had no impact on her whatsoever. She said we could meet halfway and they could come and say goodbye with her there. I refused this, I'm not taking my children to some car park to say goodbye to their beloved dog after 18 months with the 'new' somewhat aggressive family standing guard.

After calmly appealing to her and realising she wasn't going to budge, I phoned the police. Two policemen called her and she still refused to give her back. I was then told they could do no more, it's a civil matter and to get her back I will have to go through the courts which could take months and cost thousands. Also, she will have become attached to the new owners and I couldn't put her through the upheaval again.

My dilemma is this. She had no intention of honouring the agreement. She saw her and wanted her at any cost and the impact it will have on my kids is unforgivable. On the other hand, she is a real animal lover (former vetinary nurse, dog rescuer, dog groomer) and the dog will have the best life. I just feel sick at how she has gone about it. What do I do? I could send a solicitor's letter and I'm told I have a very strong case as I have all the evidence but I'm trying hard to think about what's right, it can't be just about winning.

OP posts:
incognitoforthisone · 29/03/2022 10:05

Honestly? I think both you and the groomer are wrong.

You bought two dogs you didn't really know how to train and then wanted to rehome the inconvenient one, and you then agreed to hand the dog over for a 'trial weekend' at an unfamiliar house with people she doesn't know, unsure whether you actually wanted her or not.

Your groomer, on the other hand, has absolute no right to take your dog from you on the grounds that 'her son has become attached to her' and regardless of whether she thinks you're a good dog owner or not, it is not her place to decide where your dog lives. And she cannot possibly know if a dog has 'settled' with her in two days.

Bananabutter · 29/03/2022 10:13

I’d ruin her business. See how successful she is when her clients know she steals their pets.

I would be absolutely relentless on social media and I’d make it very clear if was me.

Bananabutter · 29/03/2022 10:14

Oh and if she regularly speaks at crufts I’d tarnish her reputation in that community too.

Chely · 29/03/2022 10:27

The kids will get over it eventually.
You want the dog to have the best home possible, this woman has been a complete arsehole but it sounds like she can give it the stable home it needs to thrive.
I wouldn't waste your money trying to get the dog back if you are not 100% sure you can give it a lifelong home. Starting a SM war is never worth the stress that can result. Certainly wouldn't be using her grooming services again or recommending her to others.

Trixiefirecracker · 29/03/2022 10:31

I hardly think the kids will be traumatised! Jesus. And if they are then they have no reliance whatsoever. Pets die, pets need to be rehome. Yes it’s really sad but they will be fine. Trauma is something different altogether believe you me.

Babyroobs · 29/03/2022 10:37

Leave her where she is, she sounds happy and what is the point of disrupting the poor dog again only for you to want to re-home her again?

Trixiefirecracker · 29/03/2022 10:38

*resilience

Original poster
Hillsmakeyoustrong · 29/03/2022 10:44

@incognitoforthisone I trained both dogs in the same way as i consulted a dog trainer for both. Ironically it is the trainer who recommended the groomer! It's a small world where I live. The older one took time but it is now fully house trained, the younger one was improving but I was still clearing up after her daily and she would intermittently regress. I never understood why but I do think the older bitch made her anxious but that is just speculation. I have successfully trained and loved two labrador bitches previously but my son has allergies so that excluded a lot of breeds for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hillsmakeyoustrong · 29/03/2022 10:47

I won't keep repeating that the lady in question was known to me for some months. That she has a stellar reputation locally.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 29/03/2022 11:24

@Bananabutter

I’d ruin her business. See how successful she is when her clients know she steals their pets.

I would be absolutely relentless on social media and I’d make it very clear if was me.

Meh. I bet she could easily spin it so that she rescued this poor animal from OP who seems to have got lock down pets that she hadn’t over to a groomer in a casual conversation and can’t be arsed with it because toilet training is too hard.
Aprilx · 29/03/2022 11:24

*handed

Starlight86 · 29/03/2022 11:35

Ehhhhhh im absolutely astounded at the replies on here.

Taking out the fact that you were potentially toying with the idea of rehoming the dog THIS WOMAN HAS STOLEN YOUR DOG!!!!!!

The sheer arrogance and audacity of her is shocking.

Her behavior of I want it and now ive got it is completely unacceptable.

Im sorry OP i really dont know what i would do in your situation but i can tell you that i would do something purely to teach her a lesson. I would make sure i got your dog back if it meant taking it off her in the street.
People need to learn that it is not acceptable behavior.

OP is not in the wrong here!!

JudgeRindersMinder · 29/03/2022 11:39

@Natty13

You got 2 puppies without doing your due diligence on ghe breed (and presumably whoever you got them from too) therefore you've put yourself, your children, and 2 dogs through distress.

She has stolen your dog. You could phone the police again and tell them she has stolen your dog and leave out the trial etc. Or you could leave her to it because she sounds like she at least will be a responsible owner.

The ignorance here is honestly astounding. No wonder there are so many threads about bad dog owners. Did you just buy them because they are smal land you like the way they look?

The dog has not been stolen, this is an important legal point. OP handed the dog over willingly, the groomer has broken the agreement about the dog being returned, this doesn’t make it theft.
Starlight86 · 29/03/2022 11:41

@JudgeRindersMinder if you allowed me to borrow your car for 2 days and then i refused to hand it back would you report it stolen?

JudgeRindersMinder · 29/03/2022 12:13

[quote Starlight86]@JudgeRindersMinder if you allowed me to borrow your car for 2 days and then i refused to hand it back would you report it stolen?[/quote]
No I wouldn’t because it’s a civil matter because I lent you the car. I have in depth knowledge of this in my working life

JudgeRindersMinder · 29/03/2022 12:18

@Starlight86 the devil’s in the detail of having handed the dog over willingly, it wasn’t taken without permission. What’s at issue is a disagreement over the length of time the dog is being kept

Starlight86 · 29/03/2022 12:25

@JudgeRindersMinder this is really interesting.

Even though an agreement to hand it over was made i would assume that if after the specified time it wasn't handed back then essentially it has been stolen so i stand corrected.

I also take it that if OP saw her out a walk with the dog and she walked up and took the dog there would also be no legal repercussions?

JudgeRindersMinder · 29/03/2022 12:29

[quote Starlight86]@JudgeRindersMinder this is really interesting.

Even though an agreement to hand it over was made i would assume that if after the specified time it wasn't handed back then essentially it has been stolen so i stand corrected.

I also take it that if OP saw her out a walk with the dog and she walked up and took the dog there would also be no legal repercussions?[/quote]
As long as she can prove ownership of the dog, if the groomer decided to report “her” dog as stolen, then no.

As much as I disagree with the groomer’s actions it does sound like the best outcome for the dog

Original poster
Hillsmakeyoustrong · 29/03/2022 12:40

It is a civil case because I willingly handed her over, albeit for a defined period of time, which was agreed in writing. I handed her over to a lady who I know and trusted and is highly regarded locally. A lady who had shown kindness. She has groomed her (and my other dog) for a few months which means they have spent time with her, bichons take a long time to groom. Her actions have made me feel temporarily anxious that she isn't suitable to look after her but similarly it's shows she is wanted and ultimately I have to put her wellbeing first. I'm trying to figure that out.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/03/2022 12:57

You may have known and trusted her but she has lied to you and stolen your dog. And she has gone about it in a very underhand way. Your doubts about rehoming have given her an excuse to do this. It doesn't mean that her motives are honest, since she is clearly dishonest.

So what reason is there to continue trusting that anything she has told you is true.
She must know that the dog is not legally hers, that it has been chipped etc.. so she won't be able to insure the animal.
She may have a reputation in the dog world, but that just means she has loads of contacts.
She's basically taken a pedigree dog for nothing and there is no guarantee, apart from what she says, that she plans to keep the dog and not sell it on to someone else.
Since you don't know what will happen to your dog, I think you should try to reclaim it and rehome it yourself and not trust this dishonest woman.

Mama1980 · 29/03/2022 13:51

I am surprised by these answers. No way on earth would I leave a dog in the care of someone who can behave is such a dishonest and criminal way! Goodness knows what else she is capable of.
File a case with the police and begin civil action - also contact her at work, contact her via social media. Make people aware of what she's done.
You have proof of the arrangement - honestly op I'd be so worried about my dog in the care of such a person. I'm reminded of the exposure of criminal activities behind the scenes are crufts that were exposed many years ago whereby dogs were involved in illegal breeding and all sorts.

Technonan · 29/03/2022 15:02

It sounds as if the outcome is the one you wanted. You are happier, your other dog is happier. The children, ultimately, will have a better relationship with one dog rather than with two who are not getting on.

I understnad why you are angry - she didn't behave well at all, but I'd go with it.

JudgeRindersMinder · 29/03/2022 15:08

@Mama1980 File a case with the police

How many times?🙄

Mama1980 · 29/03/2022 15:18

Sorry I just meant make sure the police had it on file as a case, which is slightly different from just reporting it.

Frannibananni · 29/03/2022 15:18

She may be a really awful person and a thief but if she is going to be a good kind owner to the dog I would just let it go. Your life is better without the dog and the dog has a loving home. Not many people would take on a older non housebroken house dog. The way she has done it is bad and you get to hate her for it but if it is best for your situation acknowledge your feelings and make peace with the outcome.
If it isn’t best for your family or the dog call the police.