Annoyed at friend - ill neediness

[Claddinghell]

Lighthearted and probably my cold filled brain not thinking correctly.

My male friend and I have a flirty vibe. Always there for each other and had a few days out that we each commented felt like dates. He lives 30 mins drive away so only see each other every few weeks, but text daily.

He had covid a few months ago and said he had no one close by to ask for a food drop. Lives in a remote area and couldn’t get a delivery slot. I picked him up food and dropped it off.

I was in a risky covid situation at the weekend. Basically someone I knew collapsed and I helped until ambulance arrived. Had a mask on, but the person tested positive for covid. I have been lateral flow testing daily but today gone downhill rapidly, so went for a PCR.

Jokes today on text I was feeling needy, rough and running out of food. He replied you are needy and I live too far away. Feel utterly annoyed at him. No nice text or I can I help or any sympathy. Just live too far away and stop being needy.

My reply thanks and ignored. Feel annoyed, but think my ill head is clouding my judgement. Think I need to vent.

I do have friends close by who would help. Just wanted a nicer text from my good friend.

So you took him food when he had covid, but now he won’t bring you food when you’re ill? Twat.

Doesn’t really seem fair on you.
You helped him when he needed it surely he could of at least offered.
Even if he knows you have people closer to you, he could of politely said if you need anything let me know.
Don’t blame you for feeling a bit annoyed over this!

I think he's shown his true colours. I'd be re-thinking just what sort of friend he is and if you can count on him in any sort of crisis...

He is not a good friend tbh he is a selfish twat

I hope that was the last favour you ever do him!

This guy is NOT a good friend.

He’s shown you what he is. I would pull back from the friendship now to be honest.

It’s almost like he doesn’t realise it’s the exact same distance to your house as it is to his house. Hmm… 🤔

I’ve found that male friends where there is a flirty vibe rarely turn out to be true friends. They’re there for the flirting/attention and potential for more, not for the nitty gritty of friendship.

What a horrible guy!

Yanbu.
The fact that you mentioned that there's a flirty vibe between you though, males me wonder if you'd like the relationship to be something more than it is?

@SparklingLime

I’ve found that male friends where there is a flirty vibe rarely turn out to be true friends. They’re there for the flirting/attention and potential for more, not for the nitty gritty of friendship.

So true.

I had a male colleague that I thought was a mate, no hint of flirting (I'm happily married) but we had a great working relationship and chatted now and then on the phone, I was supportive when his daughter was poorly in hospital. Long story short, he sent a text that was overtly flirty (I think he was drunk) and I replied very much saying that the text wasn't acceptable etc, polite but firm, and he started blanking me at work and spread rumours that I'd come onto him.

Thankfully no one believed him but I still felt stupid thinking he was nice/normal but really just wanted what he wanted.

I agree with pp, your friends on his terms only.
I hope you feel better soon and when you recover put more effort into texting, calling and meeting up with the friends who would respond with sympathy and offers of help now.
If you would like someone to flirt with and date find a new someone who hasn't demonstrated what a shit romantic partner they would be.

30 minutes drive away doesn't feel that far to me. I suppose it's all relative.

Maybe he will text in due course to check you are OK OP. If not then he's not much of a friend and not living up to your style of friendship.

Not to derail but this seems to be quite a pattern with some blokes. Knock ‘em back and they’ll spread rumours it was the other way around. Pathetic.

He’s not a friend OP.
You’re just convenient sometimes.
Not atm though.

Sorry, I had a quote fail replying to @DenverDoer

He's showing you his true colours here. I'd take note and certainly not go out of your way to help him in future.

Helping friends in their hour of need is the bare minimum in a friendship, in your place I'd reconsider the relationship. It doesn't matter if you have other friends who can help, he should at least have offered, especially considering you were there for him when he was in a similar situation.

wow what a git.

I would have texted back,

Thanks for your support when I am ill, after everything I did for you. Dont bother asking for my help next time, you can starve

Then I would ignore for a while, he’s not a friend

Text daily...are your sure he's just a friend to you?

Always there for each other
Or… I’m always there for him

Just wanted a nicer text from my good friend.
Or… Just wanted a nice text off my friend that’s a user

Couldn’t be clearer, could it?

You helped him when he needed it.

He has absolutely no intention of helping you when you need it.

The flirty banter and vaguely-suggestive-of-actually-caring levels of closeness will never feel the same again, will it? Because he doesn’t care about you.

Fuck him. Waste of your time. Feel better soon OP

He certainly used you.

Learn from this.

Hope you feel better soon.