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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at friend - ill neediness

62 replies

Claddinghell · 28/03/2022 21:02

Lighthearted and probably my cold filled brain not thinking correctly.

My male friend and I have a flirty vibe. Always there for each other and had a few days out that we each commented felt like dates. He lives 30 mins drive away so only see each other every few weeks, but text daily.

He had covid a few months ago and said he had no one close by to ask for a food drop. Lives in a remote area and couldn’t get a delivery slot. I picked him up food and dropped it off.

I was in a risky covid situation at the weekend. Basically someone I knew collapsed and I helped until ambulance arrived. Had a mask on, but the person tested positive for covid. I have been lateral flow testing daily but today gone downhill rapidly, so went for a PCR.

Jokes today on text I was feeling needy, rough and running out of food. He replied you are needy and I live too far away. Feel utterly annoyed at him. No nice text or I can I help or any sympathy. Just live too far away and stop being needy.

My reply thanks and ignored. Feel annoyed, but think my ill head is clouding my judgement. Think I need to vent.

I do have friends close by who would help. Just wanted a nicer text from my good friend.

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 28/03/2022 22:47

Firstly, I hope you recover asap.
Secondly, your illness isn't clouding your judgement. It's really shit that he won't help out.
I wouldn't bother with him in future. Sorry.

AfterSchoolWorry · 28/03/2022 22:51

He's a user

Original poster
Claddinghell · 28/03/2022 22:52

Thanks guys. He texted to say good night and hope I feel better.

Was hoping for a bit of sympathy. He is very direct

Has done some lovely things in the past. He has dropped off treats during covid isolation.

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 28/03/2022 23:03

He texted to say good night and hope I feel better.

That’s just dialling it in. When you could have done with some help, he said no and was actually unpleasant. That’s what counts, not a few words.

Makeitsoso · 28/03/2022 23:08

@RiojaRose

So you took him food when he had covid, but now he won’t bring you food when you’re ill? Twat.
I don’t this is helpful. When someone goes over and above for you it doesn’t bind you to do the same. The problem is that you want him to act like a bf would and he’s not.
EmmaH2022 · 28/03/2022 23:15

"I don’t this is helpful. When someone goes over and above for you it doesn’t bind you to do the same."

This is why I have partly given up trying to help people. We still have a group in my block of flats who do this, but I have helped out some "friends" a short distance away and found they won't do the same. So cba anymore.

andysgirl22 · 28/03/2022 23:50

I think he's a shady !! Okay for him to ask you for help but he brushes you off when you need help! Presumably it would be even easier for him to help you as if you don't live rurally he could simply order a takeaway to be delivered to you or something?! Calling you needy was a bit on the mean side i think too. I'm sorry op you deserve better and you sound a fab friend xx

USaYwHatNow · 29/03/2022 04:59

Voted YABU, but only because you're using feeling unwell as an excuse for your clouded judgement. He's being a total dick.

Pandypuff · 29/03/2022 05:03

Sounds like he's trying to set up a FWB situation where you're there when it's convenient for him but with strict boundaries on his part to prevent you from getting the wrong idea about it turning into a relationship

Sally2791 · 29/03/2022 05:10

That would be the end of it for me. Concentrate on your real friends, he’s a user.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/03/2022 05:11

He has just revealed himself as a tosser. He is not your friend.

And thank god things didn't get romantic.

Any friend would have offered to drop off some food/check you're OK.

Bin him off.

UsernameInTheTown · 29/03/2022 05:16

Boundaries and self respect OP. Tell him of your dissapointment then distance yourself if you don't like his response. I hope he paid you for his groceries?

LunaLights · 29/03/2022 05:27

I agree with PP, remind him that it would be the same distance from yours to his that you travelled to drop him supplies as he would have to go to you. So if he thinks it is too far, he shouldn’t have asked you, and he needs to damn well not ask you to assist again!

oakleaffy · 29/03/2022 06:02

He’s a selfish twat.
Unreal that you helped him and he can’t be arsed to help you in your time of need?

He ain’t no friend to you .

oakleaffy · 29/03/2022 06:04

@Pandypuff

Sounds like he's trying to set up a FWB situation where you're there when it's convenient for him but with strict boundaries on his part to prevent you from getting the wrong idea about it turning into a relationship
Yes, this.

What a user!

SoulOfPaddington · 29/03/2022 06:16

He wants FWBs but not the day to day care and love of a relationship. He's shown you the colour of his cloth, and its mostly Red if you want to makes any flags

billy1966 · 29/03/2022 13:26

@Pandypuff

Sounds like he's trying to set up a FWB situation where you're there when it's convenient for him but with strict boundaries on his part to prevent you from getting the wrong idea about it turning into a relationship
This.

Total user.

Don't be used again.

LuaDipa · 29/03/2022 14:13

Sorry op but he’s not your good friend.

sueelleker · 29/03/2022 16:33

YANBU. And now you know what to say next time he wants help, don't you?

user1471538283 · 29/03/2022 16:49

That would be it for me. I had a male friend for decades and when he was going through a rough patch I treated him to a lovely long weekend. Within a few months i was very unwell and i text him. His response was for me to "look to a brighter tomorrow". So nothing then. Not even sympathy or a phone call. Ever.

He has told you that you are a convenience.

Original poster
Claddinghell · 29/03/2022 17:12

Thanks guys. Now tested positive for covid and feeling rough. He told me to rest and said he can’t drop anything off till Thursday - he has his young kid next 2 days. But ask my friends close by.

All he said was bugger I better test. Don’t work and rest.

OP posts:
stripeyflowers · 29/03/2022 17:21

I'd text back

'Short memory. Last time I help you out.'

I really would.

Agathawispy · 29/03/2022 17:32

I think you liked him more than a friend op, daily texts etc he doesn’t see you like this. If he did like you he’d be rushing over to you.
Time to move on from whatever this was
I hope your covid is mild, I just had it and was not as terrible as I expected. Just rough feeling for a day or two. Hope you feel better

incognitoforthisone · 29/03/2022 17:36

You are clearly a hundred times more invested in this 'friendship' than he is. He has a big significance in your life. You do not have a big significance in his, and I suspect you never will.

Basically, however much you say you are 'friends with a flirty vibe', in your head you are acting as if you're his girlfriend. You're making an effort to see him frequently, texting daily, flirting, taking him food when he's ill, analysing his messages to try and work out how he feels, expecting to be looked after by him.

In reality though, you are not his girlfriend. I doubt he takes food to his male friends when they're ill, so there's no reason he'd be taking food to you either.

EmmaH2022 · 29/03/2022 17:44

@Claddinghell

Thanks guys. Now tested positive for covid and feeling rough. He told me to rest and said he can’t drop anything off till Thursday - he has his young kid next 2 days. But ask my friends close by.

All he said was bugger I better test. Don’t work and rest.

Confused by this So is he offering to drop things off on Thursday?