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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids not been in school for 2 years

75 replies

Tiredacheyandreadyforbed · 28/03/2022 07:58

Posting here for traffic.

A family members kids have been kept out of school since the beginning of the pandemic.

Kids are 12 and 15 now.
They've had no home schooling at all, they have just spent the last 2 years sitting around all down watching TV, playing on devices and eating.
They go swimming once a week but other than that, no exercise at all.

Kids arn't not in school because of fear of covid, mum just doesn't want to be on here own.

We have all been desperate for the kids to be back in school since they reopened but mum won't listen to anyone and just does as she pleases.

Does anyone have any advice, not involving speaking to mum as it gets you no where.
Why is no one policing this, I thought parents got fined and jailed for not sending kids to school or providing home education?

We all worry these kids will have no future and be reliant on mum forever (what she wants).

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 28/03/2022 08:01

I’d contact the school nurse for the school they went to and tell her of your concerns.
But there are many levels of home schooling, some have parents who actively educate and put the kids in for exams, some not.

BurntEnds · 28/03/2022 08:02

Hmm.. is there someone you can report your concerns to? The council?

londonrach · 28/03/2022 08:07

Sadly I know a family that's the same. There's nothing that can be done. Someone in the family has tried.

user1471443411 · 28/03/2022 08:14

How do you know in such a level of detail what they do all day? You should be able to find out from whatever source told you about their daily activities at least what the plans are for the 15 year old - do they want to go to college, aiming for an apprenticeship etc.
The local authority will be aware, as the mother will have had to deregister the children from school and will have had to convince them that they are receiving a suitable education.

MajorCarolDanvers · 28/03/2022 08:21

Social services would be the most straightforward place to refer your concerns.

orangeisthenewpuce · 28/03/2022 08:26

Tell your local council asap. They will have a person who monitors education at home who should've been in touch by now. Their mum will have to provide evidence that they are receiving some education or she'll be prosecuted. Those poor children. What a selfish woman.

DistrictCommissioner · 28/03/2022 08:27

There will be an officer at your local council who is responsible for monitoring (or attempting to monitor) provision for home educated children. Contact them. You’ll be able to find out who by going through the education welfare officer.

CharityShopChic · 28/03/2022 08:30

Social services education welfare department. Call the local council and tehy will put you through.

3WildOnes · 28/03/2022 08:31

She will likely have deregistered the children and said that she is home schooling. This is really hard to police as there is no requirement to follow any curriculum and lots of families ‘unschool’ for a year or so, which means not doing any formal learning. You could report to children’s services but i wouldn’t be confident of anything happening.

gogohm · 28/03/2022 08:34

Contact the educational welfare officer for your lea, might have changed name, it can be anonymous.

LIZS · 28/03/2022 08:38

You could report to the safeguarding lead at their (former) school? Even if not pupils they have a duty to follow it up and may also have history of attendance and behaviour pre Pandemic. Are they effectively her carers, does she have mh issues?

TomDaleysCardigan · 28/03/2022 08:38

How do you know they aren't 'deschooling' in prep for full on home Ed or have deschooled and now unschool? (Child led, exploring own interests, may look like spending a lot of time on devices)

TheyWentToSeaInASieve · 28/03/2022 08:53

Lots of incorrect assumptions about home-schooling here. However, you need to find out from the school whether she has removed them from the register (this is likely). If so, locate your local authority's elective home education officer, whose job it is to keep in touch with the home-educating parent and report on progress. In practice, a lot of them are useless, but you will have someone who knows what can and can't be done. The mum clearly has MH issues and health anxiety. It's really encouraging that someone is willing to fight the children's corner.

Please don't tar all home-schooling parents with the same brush. Some do much better than schools and many home educators are teachers themselves. This is obviously a different case and a serious problem.

EthelTheAardvark · 28/03/2022 08:55

No school is going to give out information to a non-parent about whether a child is on their roll. This simply needs a report to social services and/or the council's education department.

OutlookStalking · 28/03/2022 08:57

I think unfortunately these are the families that slip through the net and the children miss out. They can refuse visits from LA and they can say they are "unschooling." I'm aware of a few home ed families where "following the child's interests" badically did mean gaming and watching tv.

There is no requirement to actually prove they are learning something.

Original poster
Tiredacheyandreadyforbed · 28/03/2022 09:13

Hi all, sorry I'm at work now so will reply as I can.

So I know what happens day to day as kids as mum tells us.

I don't no anything about deschooling or unschooling but what I can tell you is those kids have not had a single day of either acedemic nor "life skills" education since March 2020.
Even if she taught them how to cook, clean, took them out on educational trips etc we'd be happier, but none of this. They live on takeaways and what they're doing on their devices isn't schooling unless you count playing pokemon/fortnite etc as academic.
They don't get dressed most days, stay on the same pj's and tbh rarely shower, maybe once every 2 weeks.
Kids did want to return to school last year and mum said she would sort it but never did. Now I doubt they want to go back, as its been so long. No friends as don't leave the house other than to visit relatives. Just very very sad.

OP posts:
SafelySoftly · 28/03/2022 09:25

Report to social services. To be honest I’m amazed you’ve not done already. This is child neglect.

user1471443411 · 28/03/2022 09:27

It sounds like it might be worth contacting the council's EHE officer - a visit from them could give her a wake-up call. It can't be good for any of their mental health to live like this for so long. It's good that they go swimming once a week though, maybe that's something they can build on? Eg combine with a visit to the library, or tutor groups, etc.

Crimesean · 28/03/2022 09:39

That sounds awful, poor kids - they needs socialisation at that age, and obviously academic learning too.

Please report to SS. If you're not sure how to do this, maybe call the NSPCC helpline?

Whatalovelydaffodil · 28/03/2022 09:41

@MajorCarolDanvers

Social services would be the most straightforward place to refer your concerns.
No, they don't deal with education!
crispmidnightpeace · 28/03/2022 15:50

Someone is policing it. They are known to the LA and are expected to be in school unless she's deregistered them to home educate? In which case the education officer would be coming out. I know there's a backlog though but did not think it was this bad. I've not been contacted by my LA about my elective home education but assumed it was because we had never registered her in school. I thought kids who were registered were seen very quickly.

Thing is this is down to backlog, they will be known and they will have the school asking about where they are. So there's not much could do to expedite this.

The council obviously is failing.

Moonface123 · 28/03/2022 16:01

When l deregistered my son the LA kept in touch and requested updates throughout, they weren't intrusive, l found them helpful, they emailed me groups in the area, and relevant activities, and would enquire as to what my sons plans were.
He has since passed relevant exams, working part time and studying for A levels.
l am sure my neighbours etc have said negative stuff about me and my son because they have no idea how home schooling actually works, they also don' t know my son was diagnosed with an anxiety and panic disorder that we also have been working succesfully on, alongside home schooling.

LuluBlakey1 · 28/03/2022 16:05

@crispmidnightpeace

Someone is policing it. They are known to the LA and are expected to be in school unless she's deregistered them to home educate? In which case the education officer would be coming out. I know there's a backlog though but did not think it was this bad. I've not been contacted by my LA about my elective home education but assumed it was because we had never registered her in school. I thought kids who were registered were seen very quickly.

Thing is this is down to backlog, they will be known and they will have the school asking about where they are. So there's not much could do to expedite this.

The council obviously is failing.

Not necessarily- you would think so but schools and LAs are quite overwhelmed by long-term child absence from schools (and short -staffed).
isittheholidaysyet · 28/03/2022 16:13

If you came to my house it would look like this. Because having people at the house means we drop our usual routine, so the kids probably would be gaming and watching TV.
But that's not a normal day, that just what happens when visitors come.

If they have been deregistered from school to EHE, then they should be known to the council if the school has done its paperwork properly. If you have serious reason to believe they are not receiving a suitable education then tell the EHE dept at the council.

If they are still on school roll, then it is the schools responsibility.

If you do not know if they are registered or not, then you probably don't know enough about the family to judge.

livinthedream1995 · 28/03/2022 16:24

They can get prosecuted for it, but it’s rare and often prosecution happens years after it’s occurred by which point, it’s too late and they’re of school leaving age anyway. Sadly I think contacting social services is probably your best chance at getting anywhere with this, but they’re so stretched themselves there’s no guarantee it’d be helpful.