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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids not been in school for 2 years

75 replies

Tiredacheyandreadyforbed · 28/03/2022 07:58

Posting here for traffic.

A family members kids have been kept out of school since the beginning of the pandemic.

Kids are 12 and 15 now.
They've had no home schooling at all, they have just spent the last 2 years sitting around all down watching TV, playing on devices and eating.
They go swimming once a week but other than that, no exercise at all.

Kids arn't not in school because of fear of covid, mum just doesn't want to be on here own.

We have all been desperate for the kids to be back in school since they reopened but mum won't listen to anyone and just does as she pleases.

Does anyone have any advice, not involving speaking to mum as it gets you no where.
Why is no one policing this, I thought parents got fined and jailed for not sending kids to school or providing home education?

We all worry these kids will have no future and be reliant on mum forever (what she wants).

OP posts:

crispmidnightpeace · 28/03/2022 18:34

@TheyWentToSeaInASieve

Lots of incorrect assumptions about home-schooling here. However, you need to find out from the school whether she has removed them from the register (this is likely). If so, locate your local authority's elective home education officer, whose job it is to keep in touch with the home-educating parent and report on progress. In practice, a lot of them are useless, but you will have someone who knows what can and can't be done. The mum clearly has MH issues and health anxiety. It's really encouraging that someone is willing to fight the children's corner.

Please don't tar all home-schooling parents with the same brush. Some do much better than schools and many home educators are teachers themselves. This is obviously a different case and a serious problem.

Including that it is home schooling. It's home educating. It's nothing like school nor should it be.

Comedycook · 28/03/2022 18:38

This is actually horrific to read. I know worse things happen to children but how horrendous for them to not socialise or be educated for so long. I'm a person who very much minds my own business but I'd absolutely report that.

SummerDays2020 · 28/03/2022 19:01

@bofski14

You do know that you must deregister in writing and the local authority then gets in touch with you to assess your educational provision and only when they are satisfied, you get the green light to continue? If the local authority think that you are NOT providing education to the children they can and will apply for a court order to put the children back in school. If that isn't happening, then the people who NEED to know what they're doing already know.

This is very misleading. Yes, the LA may get in touch. They don't have a right to 'assess your educational provision' nor need to give a 'green light' for you to continue. Just because a court order hasn't been applied for could be relevant or could not atall.

I think the point is - this is not about home education. This is about a family who may be struggling and may need some support. Children's services can supply that, if necessary.

Makeitsoso · 28/03/2022 19:08

@OutlookStalking

I would personally raise it with SS - the combination of no school/ no showering/no activities/ not allowed school when they want it could be neglect. Sometimes it takes a few different flags for someone to be noticed.

I don't see how anyone can defend spending 2 years not leaving the house much/ not being clean/ not educating in any way.

My experience is similar to Smiley's, although I do know that there are some home ed kids that do really well. I am not convinced that what this family is doing is it though. The mum sounds like she needs some support and it may be that SS can provide that.

This is why you need to be very sure of the facts because all those thing -infrequent showering, not going out etc could apply to my friend's teenage son who has extreme anxiety and is autistic (sensory issues with showers/prefers PJs as softer). His mum is battling to get him the right support. Mainstream school was doing a lot of harm and a report to SS would be massively counterproductive. If you weren't a close friend you wouldn't know any of that though.

SummerDays2020 · 28/03/2022 19:15

@Makeitsoso - I don't really understand why a report to SS would be counter productive. Children's services could help him get the right support.

Nothappyatwork · 28/03/2022 19:18

[quote SummerDays2020]@Makeitsoso - I don't really understand why a report to SS would be counter productive. Children's services could help him get the right support.[/quote]
Because social workers just love a nice easy pop round for a cup of tea with the family that isn’t actually suffering from any real problems and they will waste four or five hours over a month period piss arsing about with the likes of this family when they could be rescuing the toddler from being battered or not being fed by their drug fuelled mother.

cansu · 28/03/2022 19:25

Unfortunately some people took advantage of covid to keep their kids out of school. There are also plenty of people who allow their children to mess about all day. Once a parent deregisters their child, the only people who could potentially do anything about this are social services. It would also take ages. EWOs used to have some teeth, I don't see much action taken against parents who are not educating their children.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/03/2022 19:31

I would also contact social services. These children seem to have been forced to stay at home and are receiving no education, not caring for themselves etc. I’d be concerned about their mental health.

Daffodilz · 28/03/2022 19:40

Lot of nonsense being posted. You don't have to have LA in your home nor do they get to tell you you can't.

Nothappyatwork · 28/03/2022 19:44

I know plenty of adults that don’t get dressed all day whilst on zoom and holding down jobs, earning an absolute fortune it’s not compulsory to put on a shirt and tie from the age of 4 to make it in life. Obviously nobody knows whether the shower or not because we can’t smell them but I have my suspicions, as long as they deliver my projects to time and budget I genuinely couldn’t care less.

OutlookStalking · 28/03/2022 19:45

MakeItSo - but isn't this the whole premise behind safeguarding? If it's because he has sensory needs and mum is coping - great. If its because he's autistic but not accessing support then SS can point in right direction.

It could be neglect and that's the point of safeguarding - you mention it if you are worried. Lots of worrys might lead to a bigger worry, or it might be grounds for more support. Or it might not. We certainly can't tell - but if OP is concerned for those children then she should mention it.

tttigress · 28/03/2022 19:56

That's really cruel, I hate to think how these kids are having their life prospects limited.

MelCat · 28/03/2022 20:01

Disagree with those saying don’t contact social services as it’s an education issue. A child not receiving education is also a welfare and safeguarding issue.

I would have concerns about mothers MH if she is keeping children home because she doesn’t want to be alone.

Care proceedings have been commenced where parents have failed to demonstrate a child is receiving an adequate education. Often as part of genera concerns about childrens well being:

Report to social services, they will contact LEA.

Femalewoman · 28/03/2022 20:04

Poor children. Stuck at home on screens. Swim once a week and limited social contact. Sounds like a form of abuse - neglect

KneadingKitty · 28/03/2022 20:05

She is breaching their human rights-to access education. She isn't providing it or allowing anyone else to provide it. That to me is therefore a social services concern.

EV117 · 28/03/2022 20:12

They live on takeaways and what they're doing on their devices isn't schooling unless you count playing pokemon/fortnite etc as academic.
They don't get dressed most days, stay on the same pj's and tbh rarely shower, maybe once every 2 weeks.

If an adult behaved like this they would be seen as mentally unwell or depressed. It’s a sad existence and certainly not a way any child or teenager should live day to day, or anyone for that matter. It’s incredibly sad and will have serious long term consequences if nothing is done. I would talk to social services but unfortunately I’m not sure what they can do. Children have a right to be educated - this is not home education of any sort, it’s not even much of a life to be honest, some kind of action should be taken.

Sleepyblueocean · 28/03/2022 20:32

LAs can't manage to sort out education for the children they are supposed to be providing it for ( those without school places whose parents have not chosen to home educate) so they won't have a chance of managing what goes on when parents choose to home educate.

1forAll74 · 28/03/2022 20:37

What do you really think the problem is with this Mother, except her being paranoid about covid. She must know that her children wont have the benefit of some education at school. or at home, as she isn't educating them either.. Do the children wan't to go to school. or have they now got into a pattern of being so used to staying home, that this is their life now, and nobody is remotely bothered about anything.

texasschmexas · 28/03/2022 21:25

Could someone please explain what unschooling and deschooling mean?

venusmay · 28/03/2022 21:32

Before you start ringing social services and the authority I think you should make sure you have your facts straight.

user1471443411 · 28/03/2022 21:41

Yes for one thing, you can't say they only shower once a fortnight when they go swimming once a week. Even if they don't shower afterwards, they are at least getting thoroughly cleaned.
texaschemexas: deschooling is the process after a child has left school under traumatic circumstances eg a mental breakdown, severe bullying. It usually lasts for a few months and maybe much longer and the child will be doing no formal education during this time - it is mostly a time for mental health recovery.
Unschooling is an educational philosophy which is child led so following a child's interests, the parent's role is to facilitate the learning, not act as tutor or teacher.

SummerDays2020 · 28/03/2022 21:42

@Nothappyatwork - but this family would probably referred to Early help rather than a SW. But SWs don't just deal with safeguarding, they also do Child in need plans. Those families still deserve help even though their children are not being starved.

SummerDays2020 · 28/03/2022 21:52

@texasschmexas

Could someone please explain what unschooling and deschooling mean?

Deschooling is a process where a child transitions to home education. Sometimes, there is trauma from school which needs to be recovered from. Sometimes, it is so everyone can find their feet and work out how home education will happen moving forward. It can take time to get used to the differences between home education and schooling - having to organise your own days and having self motivation, for example.

Unschooling refers to a type of home education. It is a child-led approach, where the education may not include formal 'work', but it very much depends on what suits the child. It was an approach I used when my DS was younger. I found it fascinating how my DS learnt to read (for example) with little formal instruction.

texasschmexas · 28/03/2022 22:23

Thank you both summerdays and user147, I had no idea! (Sorry to slightly derail the thread)

WingingItSince1973 · 28/03/2022 23:21

@orangeisthenewpuce

Tell your local council asap. They will have a person who monitors education at home who should've been in touch by now. Their mum will have to provide evidence that they are receiving some education or she'll be prosecuted. Those poor children. What a selfish woman.

That's not true and such a misunderstood part of home education. If the parent is electively home educating it is upto them whether they follow the curriculum or do something totally different. There are many ways to educate than the traditional sit down and do book work all day. I've been home edding for many years.

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