To be furious with BIL?

[nfyz2880]

Me and DP have gone away for the weekend and we are due back home tomorrow, DS1&DS2 are staying with BIL, which I am grateful for. My eldest has suffered with mental health for a while and is under CAHMS. He's had 2 suicide attempts, the recent one last month. BIL knows this and has told DS that he can talk to him whenever he wants to and they are close. BIL messaged DP as DS has told him he wants to die and that he doesn't see a future for himself, apparently they talked and BIL made him see that he does have a future. DP asked him if DS is ok now and he told him that he's gone out with his friend.

I'm furious that he's allowed him to go out, and I am now 2 hours away from home and I'm worried about him. I have messaged him but I'm not sure what else I can do

AIBU?

If you don't trust BIL enough to make a judgement call about whether to let DS out with a friend, then you shouldn't have left him with him. Can't really have it both ways.

@nfyz2880
I hope your son is ok.

BiL sounds lovely.
Yanbu to need a break but yabu to be furious with him. He sounds like he's done a good job, and maybe he didn't make the call you would have made, but you've gone away and left that trust to BiL. If you want more breaks, I'd choose your words very carefully when you see him.

Hope you’re alright OP.

Have you heard from your son or BIL today?

I understand you will definitely need a break at times and how emotionally draining it can be when a loved one has MH issues. It can cause all kinds of emotions and worry.

However, YABU for being furious at your BIL. He’s done a selfless thing by watching him while you’re away under the circumstances and unless your BIL was mean/nasty/abusive to him then you have no right to be angry.

Emotions will be running high for all involved here. The main priority is your sons welfare and safety right now. If you believe him being out of the house and away from his BIL will mean he could harm himself then return home immediately. You are his mother. And you should not be putting that kind of responsibility on your BIL when you know full well your son is going through an obvious difficult and traumatic time of his life

Just because someone is or feeling suicidal it doesn't mean they will do something right away or at the first opportunity. Keeping him in against his wishes and when he actually wanted to go out and socialise wouldn't have done your son any good.

Your BIL made a judgement call based on DS demeanour, his words on asking, his overall mood etc . Is your son ok? Home safe? Did he have a nice time? Then BIL did the right thing.

@nfyz2880
I hope your dc is feeling better.