Page 2 | Mothers' Day in Tears

Goldduck · 2022-03-27T16:41:58+00:00

My DH knows that I'm sentimental and really value days like this. I'd say we generally share childcare equally if our DS who is 3 but I do manage the mental load and most of the house admin, cleaning and cooking etc I'm part time and happy to do this as long as its appreciated. My DH got up today and and I had lie in. I had a shower at half 8 and DH still hadn't given DS any breakfast. I asked yesterday if he'd made bacon sandwiches for us all, he didn't. I then had to prompt him to book our day out that I had to think of as always. The house was a mess when I went downstairs and he clearly just been lounging on the couch all morning. I want bothered about presents but he knows how much cards mean to me. I'm so upset that instead of making me a card with our DS this morning and breakfast he just lay on the couch thinking of himself. He said he doesn't care about Mothers' Day when I explained to him why I was upset. I can't stop crying. AIBU?

Original poster

Goldduck · 27/03/2022 18:15

@MissRalux

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I also can relate. I came home this morning after a night shift. Being woken up by DH coming in and out of the house as he's doing DIY. I've had a card and flowers but only after I reminded him that today is Mother's day. No breakfast, no cup of coffee for me after only had 4 hours sleep and now I have to go back to work. Went into the kitchen to make myself a coffee bc he couldn't be bothered to ask but found out we run out. I then seen that DH bought coffee pods but only for himself. He drinks flavour lattes , I only drink black. I went out of my way last year for Father's day and booked a restaurant for lunch and also had his dad too and his partner. I paid for everyone. He couldn't be bothered to even buy me coffee. Only got the card and flowers last night bc I reminded him. I feel pretty disappointed, as I always go out of my way for him and also I buy for his family gifts on all occasions. Sorry about the long post, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Hang in there!!! Men are just generally selfish

So sorry to hear about your day 😞 Please stab little holes in all of his pods! 😅 Are all men naturally selfish or is it a reflection of the bizarre gender sterotypes that still seem to exist in 2022?

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 27/03/2022 18:18

maybe he feels that you're his partner, not his mother?

Original poster

Goldduck · 27/03/2022 18:21

@ThinWomansBrain

maybe he feels that you're his partner, not his mother?

This would be a fair comment if my DS was old enough to sort a card etc independently. There is nothing work with expecting your partner to make an effort for a day that they know you value.

OP posts:

ArtVandalay · 27/03/2022 18:23

Your husband has shown you he doesn’t care about you or appreciate you. Only you can decide if it’s worth staying with someone like this. I’m not going to post what mine did for me today as it’s not relevant. But, I definitely feel valued.

Can your child see you’re upset or unable to stop crying? It’s not his fault, so pull yourself together.

phishy · 27/03/2022 18:24

@Goldduck

I will do though because my DS's little face lights up when he has gifts and cards for the people he loves. I don't want to be in a marriage where we don't celebrate one another. I just don't understand how anyone could be so selfish and not feel any really guilt.

Your ds is young, he won’t know dad isn’t getting a gift. Get him to give a gift to his grandparents or aunt/uncle.

Don’t reward DH’s shitty behaviour.

You’re just teaching a new generation of men that women make effort even when men don’t.

phishy · 27/03/2022 18:25

@ThinWomansBrain

maybe he feels that you're his partner, not his mother?

Was that clever in your head?

BOOTS52 · 27/03/2022 18:26

To MissRalox he sounds so selfish and agree with Golduck about his pods. He should have brought you a coffee in bed seeing as you on night shifts and he should have not been banging about while you were trying to sleep. So selfish. I would buy yourself a lovely cake and sit and eat it in front of him and do not share it. Hugs to all the lovely mums.

britneyisfree · 27/03/2022 18:27

@Goldduck

I will do though because my DS's little face lights up when he has gifts and cards for the people he loves. I don't want to be in a marriage where we don't celebrate one another. I just don't understand how anyone could be so selfish and not feel any really guilt.

More fool you.

RJnomore1 · 27/03/2022 18:29

@NorthStarRising

He doesn’t need to care about Mothers’ day, he needs to care about you and the things that matter to you.

This is it in a nutshell

CPL593H · 27/03/2022 18:30

@NorthStarRising

He doesn’t need to care about Mothers’ day, he needs to care about you and the things that matter to you.

Very much this.

I know it doesn't help OP, but I'll share the story of The Mothers Day That Dad Forgot. Me and brother were quite small and not really able to do much. She went out, bought daffs and chocolates and a card, writing on it something like "to the best mother in the world". He never forgot again. This would be more than 50 years ago. I can still see the card and flowers on the mantelpiece (she did share the chocs)

Just to let you know you are far from alone, not being unreasonable and it is OK to expect things to be made nice occasionally.

doingmydoodie · 27/03/2022 18:30

I can't stop crying

Come on, OP. It's rubbish that your husband didn't bother today - but it is absolutely not something to keep on crying about. You're not the only one on here today - but why do women do this? All it does is perpetuate a "bizarre gender stereotype" of a different sort - namely that women spend our whole time fretting and crying over meaningless stuff (as many men would consider it to be). If you had a nice day with your husband and son, I'd say that was a good one on balance, and absolutely nothing to cry about.

As for those who say you deserve better: anyone can be a completely shit husband and father yet still make a fuss about Mother's Day, birthdays etc. Far better to be with someone who's generally nice and kind and caring but who isn't that bothered about "special days". So be careful what you wish for: "better" might be a mirage, and if you have a lot to be grateful for, this might be the time to remember it.

EasilyDistracted77 · 27/03/2022 18:31

Totally relatable OP. I too have been in tears today. I tried to keep my expectations extremely low but the complete lack of effort or acknowledgement has left me feeling totally unappreciated and really low. Even if DH doesn't do anything himself, surely it's his role to encourage/remind the children (age 10 and 14 in my case) in their efforts?
But the stinger was when DH asked why I'd been crying and I told him, he didn't say anything, just stared out of the window and then left the room. I just know he was thinking about his own feelings at that moment and once again failed to have any empathy for how I was feeling.
I am not a self-pitying person but this has made me so miserable today.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 27/03/2022 18:32

The coffee pods thing is really shitty. No excuse for that.

Does he do other things like that? Forget him being 'sensitive' - sounds more like he has an underlying resentment going on there that he masks as more acceptable traits.

Benjispruce5 · 27/03/2022 18:33

It all depends on your view of Mother’s Day. I have DC of 21 &18 so have some experience. To me, I enjoyed an acknowledgment of the day, so when they were little DH would organise a card and help them make me breakfast and a give me a bunch of daffs. This is similar to how Mothers Day played put at home for me. Some mums want all our pampering. It’s a conversation you need to have.

HellToTheNope · 27/03/2022 18:33

I don't want to be in a marriage where we don't celebrate one another.

I'm asking this seriously... Did you think that he would change after you got married?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/03/2022 18:33

So HE doesn't care about mothers day. How nice, even if it means something to you.
I'm guessing you've been in tears all day because this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I'm sorry OP. I had a selfish pig of a husband too. I'm glad he's gone.

gogohm · 27/03/2022 18:37

Only one of my DD's has remembered, the elder has no excuses, she sings in church do knows it's Mother's Day, she'll call me (having not responded to voice messages or texts for three weeks) later in the week and expect me to drop everything and fetch her from university, I'm thinking I might not, she can take the train. I didn't want a present or a card, just a text would have be fine

stepawayfromtheminstrels · 27/03/2022 18:38

Sending you lots of love OP. Relationships like this are death by a thousand cuts. Sometimes it's small things that tip us over the edge.
But this is good information for you in the long run. You said you won't be washing his clothes- quite bloody right! I think you should be shifting some of your love, attention and compassion from him to yourself- if he doesn't appreciate you, your child will grow up seeing a woman who knows her worth and values herself. No special attention for arseholes!!

Benjispruce5 · 27/03/2022 18:39

@gogohm @

My3cents1 · 27/03/2022 18:44

YANBU and cry as much as you want. Sending you hugs

BellePeppa · 27/03/2022 18:46

Poor you. The day is important to you and that should be what matters to your husband. He sounds utterly selfish and thoughtless towards your feelings.

1forAll74 · 27/03/2022 18:55

There are far too many people on here, who get in a state. and are crying about not getting what they want on Mothers day. It may create a bad atmosphere in the house, if you don't cheer up a bit.!

WonderfulYou · 27/03/2022 18:59

YABU
What time do you usually get up?

If someone said they were having a lie in I’d not expect them to be up by 8:30 so I’d not have done any breakfast yet.

LBFseBrom · 27/03/2022 18:59

@doingmydoodie

I can't stop crying

Come on, OP. It's rubbish that your husband didn't bother today - but it is absolutely not something to keep on crying about. You're not the only one on here today - but why do women do this? All it does is perpetuate a "bizarre gender stereotype" of a different sort - namely that women spend our whole time fretting and crying over meaningless stuff (as many men would consider it to be). If you had a nice day with your husband and son, I'd say that was a good one on balance, and absolutely nothing to cry about.

As for those who say you deserve better: anyone can be a completely shit husband and father yet still make a fuss about Mother's Day, birthdays etc. Far better to be with someone who's generally nice and kind and caring but who isn't that bothered about "special days". So be careful what you wish for: "better" might be a mirage, and if you have a lot to be grateful for, this might be the time to remember it.

That's a very sensible post, doingmydoodie.

Op, if you had a shower at 8.30am and then came downstairs, your husband wouldn't have been lounging on the couch all morning, it was still very early.

BellePeppa · 27/03/2022 19:00

I don’t really care about stuff like Mother’s Day or even my birthday but I know everyone has their own feelings about them. My son at uni sent me a text and my 17 year old who still lives at home gave me a thumbs up when I said it’s Mother's Day which was fine by me. If it’s important to you then that is what matters.