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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's Day disappointment

82 replies

isurvived3under2 · 27/03/2022 16:41

When DH had asked what I wanted to do today, I suggested a place for breakfast. Or I said anywhere really for a nice breakfast/lunch.

Of course he didn’t think of booking early so everywhere is fully booked. Instead he organised a lovely river BBQ/picnic, which is something he and the children love doing. We never eat out so I was looking forward to a proper meal out.

Am I an ungrateful, unreasonable cow for being a bit disappointed?

OP posts:
Od130990 · 28/03/2022 13:42

YANBU
He asked you but didn't give you what you wanted. If he was going to do what him & the Dc wanted, why did he bother asking.

Partyatnumber10 · 28/03/2022 13:59

@DaffTheDoggo

How can somebody be unreasonable for feeling disappointed? It's a feeling that op is entitled to.

Not sure anyone's saying she's not entitled to her feelings.

The OP is saying AIBU to be disappointed?

(Have I missed the bit where she did something other than feel disappointed? Eg cry, shout at dp, refuse to go)

Loads of people are telling her she's unreasonable to feel disappointed because they prefer picnics or they split up with their ex recently and didn't get anything.

So yes people absolutely are saying that a feeling is unreasonable 🤷🏽‍♀️

Barrawarra · 28/03/2022 14:45

@Partyatnumber10

I find it fascinating and depressing that so many people on this site (not just this thread) are happy to berate one another for having real emotions.

How can somebody be unreasonable for feeling disappointed? It's a feeling that op is entitled to.

If op's comment is included that fact that she refused to go or lay on the floor crying then fair enough I'd expect different answers but it depresses me that as mothers we're somehow expected to smother our sad, disappointed feelings, slap on a smile and be grateful for anything we're offered.

Well said, completely agree. Women should smile and not complain.
PurpleDaisies · 28/03/2022 14:50

I can’t believe these replies (in the most part).
The op said what she wanted.
The op’s dh didn’t bother to sort that out early enough to make it happen.

Yes, he came up with something good on the day but the op is not out of order or ungrateful for being disappointed that he stuffed up doing what she’d asked him to do.

PurpleDaisies · 28/03/2022 14:52

Op you should get him to organise a meal out this weekend instead.

DaffTheDoggo · 28/03/2022 14:56

@Partyatnumber10 You keep equating saying her feelings were unreasonable with saying she's not entitled to them.

I do think it's an unreasonable thing to be more than passingly disappointed about. However, OP is obviously entitled to feel whatever she feels- not all feelings are rational.

charchar79 · 28/03/2022 14:56

you are really lucky he thought of a picnic - such a lovely idea!

Even though it wasn't what you wanted - it was still a really nice gesture! - I wish my OH was as thoughtful.

I understand you are disappointed - but he did make you feel special.

I would have loved a picnic yesterday! But seeing both my kids - who gave me a card and flowers was enough (i cooked dinner and washed up - as i always do :) )

PurpleDaisies · 28/03/2022 14:58

Even though it wasn't what you wanted - it was still a really nice gesture! - I wish my OH was as thoughtful.

It wasn’t thoughtful. It was emergency back up because he wasn’t thoughtful enough to do what the op actually wanted.

Littlemissprosecco · 28/03/2022 14:58

YANBU
I’m sure the picnic was lovely. But you didn’t get what you asked for, if you’re family’s anything like mine you probably never do, and that’s the point.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/03/2022 15:01

@PurpleDaisies

I can’t believe these replies (in the most part). The op said what she wanted. The op’s dh didn’t bother to sort that out early enough to make it happen.

Yes, he came up with something good on the day but the op is not out of order or ungrateful for being disappointed that he stuffed up doing what she’d asked him to do.

Why do you need someone else to organise it though? If you want to go for a meal out just organise it yourself. Why be a martyr and never go out any other time? I don't get all this waiting around for one day of the year to do something you want to do.
PurpleDaisies · 28/03/2022 15:01

This should be written without Mother’s Day.

I told dh what I wanted to do for a special day. He couldn’t be arsed to book it early enough so we had to do something else. AIBU to be disappointed? The answers would be totally different.

GreenApplePear · 28/03/2022 15:08

I think its reasonable to be a little disappointed. Would try not to hold it against him for a long time- can you book the breakfast you wanted for another week?

I was disappointed my partner didn't book anything too- we did go out for lunch in end - but showed up and hoped for a table (which I was surprised we got). I'd have been really happy if my partner had made the effort of putting together a picnic or anything.

RedHelenB · 28/03/2022 15:26

It would be called a " thoughtful picnic I'm glorious weather with nice ham" if the OP had done this for fathers day and he would be being berated for not being appreciative
You got a meal out, where you didn't have to prepare or cook so I think yabu.

use257 · 28/03/2022 15:37

YABU

charchar79 · 28/03/2022 15:37

@PurpleDaisies

Even though it wasn't what you wanted - it was still a really nice gesture! - I wish my OH was as thoughtful.

It wasn’t thoughtful. It was emergency back up because he wasn’t thoughtful enough to do what the op actually wanted.

Maybe he was busy and forgot? or thought she would appreciate the picnic idea? Cost saving?

What some people perceive as thoughtful is not the same to everyone. It may have been the back-up - but he tried to make her have a special day.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2022 15:43

This place is so weird.

OP was asked what she wanted. She said what she wanted. She expected what she wanted. She got what he wanted. But he's 'thoughtful' and she should be grateful?

What a load of old bollocks. It takes about 2 minutes to online book a place. You can do it from the bath if you want. On the toilet. He didn't and she didn't get what she was ASKED about.

OP make sure he goes out to a lovely restaurant for his Father's Day, birthday, just because. Time to ask for your wants to be met.

Cleopatra2022 · 28/03/2022 15:45

Not unreasonable at all in my book.

My DH thinks I'm ungrateful because I was not thrilled to receive the flowers he ordered for his own mum but accidentally put the wrong delivery address on. (He ordered her more when he realised).

WimpoleHat · 28/03/2022 15:46

YANBU. Picnics are lovely….if you like picnics. I don’t! It sounds like he wasn’t organised enough to sort out what you wanted, so you got to do what he wanted. Okay - these things happen, but you should get your restaurant breakfast another weekend….

Cheesechips · 28/03/2022 15:50

YABU. Sounds like he made an effort.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2022 15:55

I hate coriander. If someone spent hours making a coriander filled meal for me, even though they knew I didn't like it, that wouldn't be 'making an effort'. Especially if I specifically asked for basil. And love basil. And never get basil.

Plantstrees · 28/03/2022 16:00

YABU. My adult daughter gave me a card and some flowers, nothing from my son, and no offer of a meal from either of them. I was very disappointed. It was an all-round depressing day with other bad news so I would be grateful for what you got.

Staryflight445 · 28/03/2022 17:24

The only surprises my husband has ever given me is telling me that a family member has died (my side).

Never anything romantic or sweet.

I still don’t think yabu. It’s not your dig.

Sceptre86 · 28/03/2022 17:28

Yanbu in the slightest. People that think you are being unreasonable are those that set the bar so low for the men they call partners that if they get a greeting they will be happy. Well we don't all have to be happy with pittance. It was your day and you wanted to go out for breakfast or lunch so that is what he should have arranged. If he loves picnics so much he could have asked you to arrange that for Father's day. He made the best of a situation because he was too lazy or inept to think ahead and book something. I'd have spoken to him and said whilst you enjoyed the picnic you'd like him to arrange what you ask for next time.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/03/2022 21:43

@Sceptre86

Yanbu in the slightest. People that think you are being unreasonable are those that set the bar so low for the men they call partners that if they get a greeting they will be happy. Well we don't all have to be happy with pittance. It was your day and you wanted to go out for breakfast or lunch so that is what he should have arranged. If he loves picnics so much he could have asked you to arrange that for Father's day. He made the best of a situation because he was too lazy or inept to think ahead and book something. I'd have spoken to him and said whilst you enjoyed the picnic you'd like him to arrange what you ask for next time.
Why settle with a man that doesn't make an effort then? That's a low bar.
GetOutOfTheBathPlease · 28/03/2022 22:10

I’d have spoken to him and said whilst you enjoyed the picnic you'd like him to arrange what you ask for next time.

Christ, if my husband spoke to me like this after I’d arranged a day for him, I’d be absolutely appalled. How spoilt and rude.

If you want to dictate every aspect of the day, organise it yourself. Honestly, what’s the point of someone doing something for you if they’re only allowed to do exactly what you tell them?