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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's Day disappointment

82 replies

isurvived3under2 · 27/03/2022 16:41

When DH had asked what I wanted to do today, I suggested a place for breakfast. Or I said anywhere really for a nice breakfast/lunch.

Of course he didn’t think of booking early so everywhere is fully booked. Instead he organised a lovely river BBQ/picnic, which is something he and the children love doing. We never eat out so I was looking forward to a proper meal out.

Am I an ungrateful, unreasonable cow for being a bit disappointed?

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 27/03/2022 18:01

Yabu but one of the posters that won't agree they are.
I hope your dh and dc aren't aware of how ungrateful and precious you really are.

Natty13 · 27/03/2022 18:04

Your choices should matter more than 2 days of the entire year. Then it wouldn't hurt so much when days lile today happen.

What are you teaching your children? To martyr themselves when they have spouses and children?

sleeveho · 27/03/2022 18:04

I think if it's not the Mother's Day you wanted then you are definitely not being unreasonable.
An outdoor picnic if it isn't your thing and as another posted said could be on wet grass, food you don't want and I'm guessing you have to unpack it all pack it up again and then wash and put away containers etc wouldn't be my idea of a fun Mother's Day.
If you wanted to go out for a meal they should have booked something you would like ahead of time.
If they've decided to do a picnic because it's what they like, without thinking what you like then that's really shit.

Comefromaway · 27/03/2022 18:05

@ToxicBuns

What your Husband planned sounded awesome, especially since it's such a lovely day and the weather will be turning colder after today. I think YABU. I agree with others a Barbecue/picnic is much more personal.
He can choose something to do that he thinks is “awesome” on Father’s Day. The OP asked to go out for a meal.
sleeveho · 27/03/2022 18:06

@Natty13
100% agree!
If you cannot have what you like on Mother's Day when can you?
Martyring yourself is no good for your children and it's a role I am sure you do not want them to take.

Cakecakecheese · 27/03/2022 18:07

It is lovely that he organised something but it is mother's day so surely you do what the mother would want to do? I wouldn't take my mum for a curry that I like as I know she wanted to go to a garden centre and then get pizza, so we did that!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 27/03/2022 18:07

Yabu

Holothane · 27/03/2022 18:09

I’m with you OP it’s your day your choice why does everything have a go, she wanted a meal out ffs is that too much to ask for. These days I’d rather sit at home than have a meal out. No your right OP. Hugs.

blubberyboo · 27/03/2022 18:10

I get why you are disappointed but it does sound like he made an effort to actually make the picnic and acknowledge the day. In 20 years my DH has never bought so much as a card cos I’m not his mother.. different people have different approaches to the day and now that the kids are older they’ve started acknowledging the day for me.
I also get that Mother’s Day and valentines days etc are pretty shitty to go out for meals cos of crowds and Overpricing. Much nicer to go another day so why don’t you book somewhere you want to go next week and tell him he’s paying

Verybritishproblems101 · 27/03/2022 18:23

Yeah you do sound ungrateful. A picnic by the river sounds lovely, you even said so yourself. Anyone would be lucky to spend their day as you did.

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2022 18:32

A picnic by the river in July is lovely. A picnic by the river in March isn't a lot of fun.

Botanica · 28/03/2022 12:15

Massively ungrateful.
Being treated on Mothers' Day is a bonus, not an entitlement.

DearlyBeloathed · 28/03/2022 12:18

He can choose something to do that he thinks is “awesome” on Father’s Day. The OP asked to go out for a meal

I'm sure she'll live.

JaninaDuszejko · 28/03/2022 12:25

@CornishGem1975

A picnic by the river in July is lovely. A picnic by the river in March isn't a lot of fun.
But it was warm and sunny yesterday in most of the country yesterday. We considered having a picnic by the river but went to a stately home instead and relaxed in the grounds enjoying the weather. Pissing down with rain now so glad we took the opportunity to get outside while we could.
SartresSoul · 28/03/2022 12:26

YABU, I’d honestly prefer a picnic by the river to an overpriced packed out restaurant.

Limer · 28/03/2022 12:30

You're being a bit U because he did put thought and effort into the picnic.

But I never do anything on Mother's Day, because everywhere is packed with families and places are far too busy. I do the equivalent either the weekend before or after. When he found everything was booked, he should have arranged something for the following weekend.

Nsky · 28/03/2022 12:34

He needs prompts sooner, cold here yesterday no sun, at least he made the effort

DaffTheDoggo · 28/03/2022 12:37

Had a similar thing- I'd suggested a pub lunch when DH asked what I wanted to do but he organised a picnic instead, which was fab and actually nicer than what I'd asked for.

I think a passing thought that you'd have preferred a restaurant is fine but being properly disappointed is a bit daft. It's just a token of appreciation, isn't it? It's silly to dwell on the specifics.

If you want to go for a meal out, book one. It doesn't have to be Mother's Day.

Partyatnumber10 · 28/03/2022 12:57

YANBU the picnic sounds nice yes, but you were asked and specifically said a meal out because you do that less often. Mother's Day is your one chance to get a little bit spoilt so I completely understand your disappointment. Ultimately he chose what suited him and the children rather than you (just like every other sodding day of the year I'm guessing?)

Partyatnumber10 · 28/03/2022 13:02

I find it fascinating and depressing that so many people on this site (not just this thread) are happy to berate one another for having real emotions.

How can somebody be unreasonable for feeling disappointed? It's a feeling that op is entitled to.

If op's comment is included that fact that she refused to go or lay on the floor crying then fair enough I'd expect different answers but it depresses me that as mothers we're somehow expected to smother our sad, disappointed feelings, slap on a smile and be grateful for anything we're offered.

DaffTheDoggo · 28/03/2022 13:09

How can somebody be unreasonable for feeling disappointed? It's a feeling that op is entitled to.

Not sure anyone's saying she's not entitled to her feelings.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/03/2022 13:12

YABU.

I don't get this whole "my day" thing. If I want to go out for a meal, I do it. I don't need to wait for a certain day. Why do women constantly martyr themselves?

lostandlonely21 · 28/03/2022 13:12

My and my partner split up in January, so my dad took me and the kids out. You're very lucky x

HerLadySheep · 28/03/2022 13:13

At least they made an effort!
My teenage son gave me a small scented candle, unwrapped. I had given him £25 to go shopping with and I know he spent £10 because the price was still on the candle. I didn't get a card and eventually I ordered and paid for a chinese takeaway last night when it was clear that nobody would eat dinner unless I organised it!
I am really upset and next year I will book something for myself.

Jumperlark · 28/03/2022 13:27

You're not being unreasonable in that he knew what you wanted and failed to sort it.

But I would make a big distinction between somebody trying to do a good gesture, making a mistake, and making a decent effort to correct it. It's not as though he doesn't value you or can't be bothered to make an effort, he actually got himself into a situation of making more effort, so I would let it go.

Maybe a postponed meal out would help as you didn't really get your treat?