To be upset that my 12 year old didn’t make a card?

[Lennon80]

I’m wondering if your older children did anything for you? His father isn’t around to prompt him but he knew it was Mother’s Day and didn’t bother to make a card or do anything at all. Just said happy Mother’s Day. My five year old made loads of effort.

I really don’t understand this. When I was a kid I did chores and saved up money and bought a gift for my DM. Or my dad would take us to buy something for her. I don’t understand some kids and partners these days.

I think it’s worth speaking to him. Not in a mean way but maybe saying before birthdays and mothers days etc have you thought about cards. It’s part of training them to think of others.

I always speak to mine before Father’s Day and I’m pretty sure DH does the same on Mother’s Day. Otherwise you never know, could he have been embarrassed to give a home made card but no money for a gift? Or maybe just thoughtlessness. Either way I think it’s worth making sure he knows you want a card for birthdays and such.

I would ask too if he gets any pocket money. If he doesn’t I can understand how he ended up in an awkward position feeling too old to make a gift or card and too embarrassed to ask for money to buy you something.

It’s going to be a long life if you think that cards =love.

Thanks and respect must be earned and not given because a parent expects to be thanked or praised. It really irritates me

Give over! Do you have children?? Even if you 'earn your' DCs respect it doesn't follow that they'll remember to thank you, same as it doesn't follow they'll do their homework or chores despite meaning to! .. Sleep, TV, playing in their phone , just seeing a friend, Washing their hair gets in the way...

Its hardly a secret that children growing up in comfortable lives, generally take things and people for granted!

Most DCs have to be reminded to thank their mother on Mother's Day. As they actually want to/ meant to (but "got distracted/ forgot/ or were too busy having a lie in/ procrastinating...") because they do love and respect their parents. They just forget to show it.

@Nelliephant1

Completely. No children owe any parent anything in terms of thanks just for being their parent. Parents are there to parent, and who says any of us are doing a great job. I hate the fakery of this whole palaver where children and some adults are made to feel that they must thank the parent when they maybe don't want to for whatever reason.

Thanks and respect must be earned and not given because a parent expects to be thanked or praised. It really irritates me as you probably can gather 😆 And breathe!!! 🤯😄

I agree. I find MD difficult (estranged from my mum) anyway but all the handwringing on mumsnet about cards and whatnot yesterday was just...

I never forgot MD. Not once. Because it was drilled into me from an early age that my mum expected to be showered with gifts, to have love and thanks recited to her on the hour, and that any lack of enthusiasm would be weaponised for the remainder of the year. She considered that having done us the decency of birthing us, that this was the least she could expect. It was exhausting. I know that none of the mums posting on MN are doing that but a part of me does see the handwringing and guilt-tripping and feel a bit like MD has become totally overblown now.

YABU imo. He acknowledged the day = he knows about it but stuff like cards or gifts may not be his love language. I wouldn't give it much thought. My teen nephews aren't into making cards either, they are into digital stuff though and they may do occasional Clipify vids for birthdays but it's not something any of us adults expects since they are interested in video editing today and tomorrow they probably won't be.

12 is a tricky age for things like this - they're too old to have school or a grown-up do all the actual work for them, but they aren't yet in the habit of having to be responsible and take initiative themselves. A bit of prompting and reminders is how they learn the skill - it sounds like once you got him started he was willing enough to go along, just not yet at the point of going through the logical steps of knowing the day actually being converted into acting on it.

I agree with the pp about its a commercialised day. All those mothers having to remind kids to make/buy cards, even giving them the money to do so are surely missing then point. Forced appreciation surely is just a mockery of what the day is meant to be. We don't do mothers day here, I would rather my kids appreciate me anyway and show random acts of kindness all year rather than a forced day and be forced to show appreciation.