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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother’s Day

65 replies

Autumnleaves4 · 27/03/2022 08:29

AIBU to think that it’s nice for a husband to buy his wife flowers on Mother’s Day?

Listening to the radio and the presenter just said it’s Mother’s Day to any men out there who’ve forgotten it’s not too late to put things right.

Just wondering how many husbands buy their wives flowers on Mother’s Day?

It took me back to a conversation I had with my very unpleasant ex who coercively controlled me for 20 years. I once suggested in the early days when my children were very young that’d it would have been nice to for him to have bought me some flowers, to which he replied you’re not my mother why would I buy you something which made we think I was in the wrong (as he always did) but it still hurt as we had 4 children close together, it was hard work and as thought for him to show his appreciation of me as the Num to his children would have been nice but then he never showed me any appreciable so not sure if it was just an excuse.

OP posts:
Howeverdoyouneedme · 27/03/2022 08:33

I think the whole Mother’s Day thing is a bit of a crock to be honest. I have three children and I don’t expect anything from them or for their dad to do anything. It just seems to be a set up for a series of unmet expectations and obligations and I can’t be bothered.

LittleMG · 27/03/2022 09:10

My toddler told me about all the stuff ‘in daddy’s car’ for me. I text my husband and told him he said ‘he can do his own bloody Mother’s Day shopping next year’ 😂

Unsureaboutit9 · 27/03/2022 09:16

It’s nice for men to think of the mothers of their children in Mother’s Day, particularly if the children are very young. But not necessarily buying flowers, not everyone likes flowers and many men will just do that because they’ve forgotten to do anything else and it’s a quick after thought. Flowers on Mother’s Day doesn’t make a good husband, treating your family right all the time does.

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2022 09:19

I've got a card and that's all. Which is enough really but I do sometimes get miffed off at seeing what attention and love other mothers get lavished on them, when I'll be making my own dinner later too Hmm Second DH too, maybe I'm just not good at picking them Grin

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/03/2022 09:21

I'd rather men steppes up all year round tbh. Like valentines day.

You wanna see us as a skivvy every day then exoevt thanks and appreciation for a cardband some flowers that die after a couple of days.

How about u show you value someone every damn day

blubberball · 27/03/2022 09:23

My ex was exactly the same. Didn't bother with valentines day or anniversaries either. It was a miserable life.

Mumoblue · 27/03/2022 09:24

It’s nice for a dad to buy something for mum on Mothers Day if the kids are too small. I personally wouldn’t want flowers, because I don’t like them, but it’s nice to be thought of.

I’ve had absolutely no indication if my ex is going to have something from “DS (2)” for me today, but I don’t mind either way. Whatever he does or doesn’t do today I’ll take his lead on Father’s Day. Grin

BakewellTart01 · 27/03/2022 09:24

My children are little and make me items in school. My husband will take them downstairs early, let me lie in and will bring me a coffee in bed. There does seem to be a huge amount of pressure on lunches and lavish gifts but I am always happy with just a little time to myself and a warm coffee. I agree with your post, the appreciation is the most important thing.

sashagabadon · 27/03/2022 09:24

I love Mother’s Day! Got a nice olive tree ( small) which I am delighted with.
Happy Mother’s Day to all Smile

fortheloveofcheesecake · 27/03/2022 09:25

I get nothing...my ex and father of my children arranges nothing, and my current DH also does nothing to help the DC get anything organised. Bit shit all round really.

ExtraOnion · 27/03/2022 09:26

When DD was younger he would .. she is in her teens now so sorts it out herself.

It’s a nice little thing to do 😊

MarinoRoyale · 27/03/2022 09:31

I don’t expect my DH to get me anything from him on Mother’s Day as he’s not my child, I wouldn’t think to get him anything from me on Father’s Day either. I do expect him to make sure the kids have organised something though.

Chestofdraws · 27/03/2022 09:33

Agree when th kids are too small. But not when they are old enough to do for themselves, you are not your husbands mother.

CJay81 · 27/03/2022 09:34

I get home made cards and chocs. I've got Covid this mother's day, so having plenty of me time🤣.

MargaritasOnMe · 27/03/2022 09:34

A thoughtful, token gift is always appreciated. I don't like flowers as they take up too much space that we don't have in our very small house, but dh bought me a lovely framed photo of the dc all together to hang on the wall, plus I got the usual handmade bits from nursery and school. Lovely!

Whatsmyname100 · 27/03/2022 09:37

My ds 5yo has been so excited for Mothers day. He has been whispering with dh about plans and telling me to not do any work today. Grin. They both made me breakfast in bed. I completely disagree that partners should not do anything because it's a day for their own dms. Who else is going to show the dc how to make the day special? Same for birthdays. These are big days in our house, so we love making each other feel special. A card made at school is just a bit sad if there isn't any effort made at home too.

Bailey48 · 27/03/2022 09:38

My son made me a flower at school which is the best present and my toddler a card at pre school but my partner bought me perfume and I said to him not to bother to buy me anything as a card and a homemade flower from my children are enough

DomPom47 · 27/03/2022 09:39

Got a lovely card from my two which is lovely. There is also a horrible overpriced necklace which I will never wear as i hardly ever wear jewellery and when I do it is never EVER gold and I
only wear silver. He asked me a few times whether I really liked it and then I honestly said no and asked him when he saw me wear jewellery and when I did when he saw me wear gold jewellery. Then he gave me a lame excuse saying oh but they picked it - hmmmmm. Would rather he got me some daffodils that could bloom at home. Can’t get refund for necklace as he got it ages ago. I sound really ungrateful but he always gets gifts wrong - over spends on things that are not needed or liked by me in the slightest. Anyway my card is lovely and my kids are lovely and so all is good.

thewhatsit · 27/03/2022 09:40

I suppose it’s one of those things that all families do differently. I enjoyed my lovely school made card and portrait of me this morning by my oldest, I don’t expect anything off my youngest as she’s not yet at school.
If my DH does anything it should be for his own mother.
I don’t do anything for Father’s Day either other than give him a bit of a lie in and make sure that the card DS made at school is presented.

I know some families that go all out though and that’s also fine if everyone is on the same page.

HairyScaryMonster · 27/03/2022 09:40

Officially decided I wish mother's Day didn't exist. There was a fight over who takes the breakfast upstairs (I made overnight oats to make it easier) so now my 8yo is eloquently explaining why she wishes she didn't have s little sister, talking about buying a lock for her room and throwing away the key, and being generally really rude to everyone. DH has covid so have canceled the lunch out. And my mum is dead and there has always been an expectation I buy a card for my not so nice stepmum, so that's fun.

soundsystem · 27/03/2022 09:41

@Howeverdoyouneedme

I think the whole Mother’s Day thing is a bit of a crock to be honest. I have three children and I don’t expect anything from them or for their dad to do anything. It just seems to be a set up for a series of unmet expectations and obligations and I can’t be bothered.
Oh bah humbug! It's nice to be spoiled.

I'm having tea and a chocolate brioche in bed, surrounded by cards painted using children hands, feet and - possibly - noses, and have been gifted a candle which - in size shape and colour - most resembles a dildo. What's not to like?!

(My husband hasn't bought me flowers, but he has made and carried several cups of tea as my 3 are too young to be left in charge of a kettle)

Greyarea12 · 27/03/2022 09:42

My Dad has always bought my Mum a gift on Mother's day. Not sure I would expect it though.

My 9 year old though asked for money to go buy sweets but went and bought me choclates. I just think it is so thoughtful and sweet that they done that Halo

BeaLola · 27/03/2022 09:50

First year my DS 14 is on his own with no input from DH at all and as he hadn't asked DH for funds I thought he had forgotten .... however he has bought me some lovely roses and lovely bath products from his pocket money - really touched - but more importantly he gave me a lovely hug Smile

M0rT · 27/03/2022 09:53

My poor DM who rises with the sun used to have to stay in bed while we made her breakfast. Cold tea and burnt toast, sometimes picking flowers she had grown in the garden too 😂
My parents were never really into stuff, didn't buy each other Christmas/birthday presents most years. But teaching children the enjoyment to be found in doing things for others is an important part of parenting.

Inyourhonor · 27/03/2022 09:57

I got a really shit overpriced hamper. 20 quid and a load of crap in it that I dont want and will never use. Its not even thoughtful because they only picked it up in the shop yesterday when I was getting jewellery for DM. There were other baskets there with actually useful nice things in them and if they bothered looking or being thoughful then they would have seen that.

Sorry if i sound ungrateful but I have 2 kids, one has sen and the youngest is going through the terrible twos. Ive had MH issues ongoing since I had 2yo. DH also works away monday to friday so I have to do everything for DC in that time while working FT + more in a really stressful job. And to top it all off, Im out with the kids doing 3 loads of washing this morning because our washing machine is broke - and im sure hes prpbably still at home in bed.

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