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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother’s Day

65 replies

Autumnleaves4 · 27/03/2022 08:29

AIBU to think that it’s nice for a husband to buy his wife flowers on Mother’s Day?

Listening to the radio and the presenter just said it’s Mother’s Day to any men out there who’ve forgotten it’s not too late to put things right.

Just wondering how many husbands buy their wives flowers on Mother’s Day?

It took me back to a conversation I had with my very unpleasant ex who coercively controlled me for 20 years. I once suggested in the early days when my children were very young that’d it would have been nice to for him to have bought me some flowers, to which he replied you’re not my mother why would I buy you something which made we think I was in the wrong (as he always did) but it still hurt as we had 4 children close together, it was hard work and as thought for him to show his appreciation of me as the Num to his children would have been nice but then he never showed me any appreciable so not sure if it was just an excuse.

OP posts:

Erictheavocado · 27/03/2022 11:33

As I said in my earlier post, I don't expect dh to give me anything from him on Mother's Day. And no, I don't give him anything for Father's Day either. Maybe because when we were children, Mother's Day was much less commercialised than now, it just wasn't something we experienced growing up. My dad would take me to buy flowers to give my mum - nothing fancy, just a small bunch from a small nursery near the park we lived by, and from what I can gather, DH's dad did very much the same. It was a simpler time. My DH will cook dinner today, as he does pretty much every day. I know it is something I particularly like, he will do the ironing so I have clothes for work, and when I pop out to take my mum her card, he will run the vacuum round and have a quick tidy ready for when my DS and dgs pop round later. But he does those things all year round. Yes, he could have bought me a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates, but it isn't something either of us does or sees as necessary.

lollipoprainbow · 27/03/2022 11:36

Why has Mother's Day suddenly got so over the top?! Isn't a small posy and a card enough. A boasty acquaintance on Instagram has been given a huge bouquet of flowers, chocolates and a huge rare piece of art ffs !!!!!!

MrsBerthaRochester · 27/03/2022 11:42

Ds1 got me a £1 bottle of perfume,a bar of choc and a Happy birthday card. I bought my own present from younger two, a mug and chocolate lolly. If I get some hugs will be happy. X twat h used to always make the comments about my not being his mother. Im betting he got his gf something today though.

Happylittlethoughts · 27/03/2022 11:46

Well every single celebration we all fo, whatever our culture or religion was made up at one point!
I absolutely think mothers should be appreciated on this day- in whatever way they feel is appropriate for their family.

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 27/03/2022 12:09

I hate it

My mother is dead
Everyone is with their Mums
Husband away working 2 unruly kids

fed up hearing about spa days, nice meals out etc when I'm stuck in deciding between pizza or nuggets!

The expectation to be "doing something nice"

Roll on tomorrow

Ragruggers · 27/03/2022 12:24

I am helping grandson make a chocolate cake for his Mum.Little things can bring a little joy and teach them to think of others and hopefully his partner in the future.

c9590 · 27/03/2022 12:26

I feel partners should acknowledge the day to show thanks for the support we give to our families. The way they do it should reflect what the mum would like.

When I buy gifts or organise celebrations I make choices depending on the person it's for. My husband isn't into big birthdays so I keep it low key. Not loads of decorations, more focus on organising good food and a relaxing day as that's what he likes. My mum on the other hand loves all the trimmings so I go the extra mile. So basically I do what they like.

Sadly I don't get the same 😂
My husband hasn't even wished me a happy Mother's Day and it's my first one. I did give him a heads up and explained that it's important to me. But he's chosen to ignore it.

SpringRainbow · 27/03/2022 13:12

Tbh my DH never gets me flowers.

He did organise stuff for me from the kids though.

I assume he sorted his own mum out like I sorted my own mum out.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 27/03/2022 13:21

DH has informed me that I’m not his mum so he hasn’t bought me anything for Mother’s Day.

However apparently DS6 drove to the shop and bought me flowers and ordered me lovely gifts from the internet as I was presented them this morning. My favourite gift however was the card made at school.

Because my husband is not a dick: and knows that to me Mother’s Day is a big deal.

Original poster

Autumnleaves4 · 27/03/2022 23:55

@Benes

My Dh will order flowers for me and his mum and he's taking us both out for lunch. I also got a card and a little present from DS who is 7.

We do make a fuss of each other on special occasions.

He's also amazing all year round before someone comments!!! 😂

This says it all, nice at Mother’s Day and all year.

For those that say if your husbands not nice or thoughtful or year why expect it Mother’s Day why not. It’s advertised, flowers, cards are in the shops prompting and reminding you to show you care, it’s like saying your husbands shit so don’t expect a Xmas present or birthday present, that’s ridiculous why shouldn’t you hope for some flowers if that’s your thing.

I love flowers, particular tulips and daffodils at this time of year which aren’t expensive. I think it’s nice that husbands would show gestures to both their own mum and the mother of their children, I was curious to see how many husbands actually do this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Autumnleaves4 · 27/03/2022 23:58

@luxxlisbon

I personally think men should make an effort for the mother of their children on Mother’s Day. I don’t really understand the common implication that it’s either effort on one day or all year round, actually men that don’t bother on Mother’s Day are more likely to be careless and thoughtless the rest of the year too.

Agree it shouldn’t be either or, I think many of here who rubbish the idea of a gift on Mother’s Day is meaningless are trying to convince themselves that they don’t need/want one and whether you like flowers or not is a red herring, whatever you like, that should be the gift and givers should bother to find out what you like.

OP posts:

Original poster

Autumnleaves4 · 28/03/2022 00:02

@c9590

I feel partners should acknowledge the day to show thanks for the support we give to our families. The way they do it should reflect what the mum would like.

I’m really sorry to hear this, especially for your first one. It should absolutely be about the individual and what they like. It’s a shame that so many partners cause such hurt to their other halves as it takes such little time or money to show your appreciation and thoughtfulness.

I hope he makes it up to you. I spent years buying my own flowers, cakes etc and it still hurts.

OP posts:

TheTeenageYears · 28/03/2022 00:48

I suspect the father's who make the effort on Mother's Day had father's themselves who did and the hordes of useless "you're not my mother" spouters had Father's who made no effort. It's really quite a simple concept really - children need to be shown so they learn just like every other aspect of their lives. Having a teacher in primary school set a task of making Mother's Day cards isn't enough to teach children the importance of the day and parents have to have put in enough time over the years (for both Mothers and Father's Day) to successfully hand over to the kids to manage themselves in order for a successful outcome.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 30/03/2022 20:15

@TheTeenageYears I think you’re right. We don’t go “all out” with presents, but DH is a great dad and husband all year round. I lived with DH and his parents early in our relationship for 6 months while we were trying to buy a house. His dad was an equal partner in the house: and he obviously adored MIL: the only downside is that both DH and DFiL are very pushy when it comes to medical issues. I have bad MH problems and migraines: DH practically supervises me to ensure that I take my medication each day (I can be ok for a while without it... then I get into a terrible state very quickly)

Sceptre86 · 30/03/2022 23:14

Why is it that the women that expect very little go all out for Father's day?

Yes my dh does get me flowers, cake or dessert a meal out and some presents. He helps our kids make me a card and I get breakfast in bed. I'm the mother of his children and they are too little to be able to buy things for themselves although this year my son gave me five daisies. It's showing appreciation that matters to me whether that be a lie in, a meal cooked or a takeaway, something that is different to a normal day, that makes it a bit special for me.

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