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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that friend hasn't even thanked me for buying her dd a Christmas present?

87 replies

crapcook · 06/01/2008 22:46

This friend is the partner of DP's oldest oldest mate. DP and his mate have known each other since they started infant school so they are very fond of each other...almost like brothers.

As a result of this I feel close to him and am fond of him too iykwim. I have also become good mates with his gf who is the one I am moaning about. We had DS in Dec 06 then they had their DD in Aug so we also have that in common.

They live in Manc and we were up there after Christmas for a few days. One night, I was going out with my girl friends for the night and DP was going out with his mates for the night and this friend asked him to pick him up on the way to where they were going out. DP took their dd's present and apparently when they opened it they loved it but were embarrassed that they hadn't bought DS something.

Now I know you shouldn't give someone something and expect something in return but him or his gf (who like I said am quite close to) haven't even called or emailed me to say thank you for it.

I must add, that this wasn't any old tat, it was a really nice present.

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 09/01/2008 14:17

I make the time because I think it really matters - sorry to go on but it's one of the things I do feel strongly about

anniemac · 09/01/2008 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GreebosWhiskers · 09/01/2008 14:20

We don't send or expect to receive thank you letters. All our gifts come from people who we see on a regular basis & afaiac a verbal thank you is enough - why waste paper repeating something in writing that you've already said face to face?

Walnutshell · 09/01/2008 14:21

I love the doidy cup, we have two (you know, one for me, one for dh...)

Anyway, do people still write thank you letters?

Twiglett · 09/01/2008 14:23

they said thank you in person .. no further thanks required IMO

so yes YABU

MaryAnnSingleton · 09/01/2008 14:25

yes !! me !! I send people post cards too from time to time, just to say hello and used to write to my elderly grandma every week or so - I love having things in the post that aren't pesky junk or bills !

MsSparkle · 09/01/2008 14:25

I feel strongly about it too MaryAnnSingleton and it annoys me the most when people say "I don't have the time to sit down and write thank you cards!"

I say to them how about you do them when your dc have gone to bed and your sat there watching Eastenders or some other programme! Or do them at work on the computer, if you have time to come on MN when your supposed to be working then you have the time don't you!

Then they will probably say they don't own a television so don't watch tv or make up some other stupid excuse!

MsSparkle · 09/01/2008 14:31

Every year dp puts a cash bonus in his staffs Christmas cards and he never gets a thank you from any of them. He doesn't want a long war and piece thank you card but a verbal thank you would be nice! People are just so rude nowadays!

anniemac · 09/01/2008 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MaryAnnSingleton · 09/01/2008 14:33

people think we're being a bit old fashioned I reckon...if you want to do something you can always find the time,I guess that people don't though

MaryAnnSingleton · 09/01/2008 14:34

I never feel badly about the friends who don't send them I have to say - I just feel that it's something I will do whatever

MsSparkle · 09/01/2008 14:36

In the op's case, the woman wasn't rude because she hadn't sent a thank you card, she was rude because she hadn't even done a quick phone call or a txt to thank the op when the op had taken the time out to give her dd gift. The op said her friend must have realised that the op had done the gift and not her dp.

GreebosWhiskers · 09/01/2008 14:36

Thing is though, I don't see why people should send thank you cards. It's a waste of paper & just because a thank you is written down doesn't make it any more sincere.

Twiglett · 09/01/2008 14:37

I think you're on a bit of a power trip personally and don't think it is very becoming .. you have already embarrassed them by buying a gift in the first place without discussing it .. there is probably nothing more embarrassing

I don't get why people buy friends children christmas presents in the first place .. who has that much money?

GreebosWhiskers · 09/01/2008 14:37

Maybe the woman assumed that the OP's dh would pass on her thanks? Which he obviously did.

MsSparkle · 09/01/2008 14:43

I bought my dd's two best friends gifts, but the parents are my best friends so thats why.

I think your right about people buying other dc gifts outside the family because it does cause embarrasment if the other person hasn't done the same. However, in the occation that a gift is bought, a thank you whether it be a note or a phone call is the polite thing to do. On this occation the friend should have phoned the op as they are good friends and the gift was obviously from the op rather than the dp who was merly the middleman.

Twiglett · 09/01/2008 14:44

on this occasion the friend thanked in person .. end of matter IMHO

RTKangaMummy · 09/01/2008 14:46

We were brought up to send thank you letters

And DS does them even if he has thanked the person,

I think it is rude/weird of the OP's friend to not acknowledge the gift in an email or text

It is like she is avoiding contacting the OP

Walnutshell · 09/01/2008 14:59

So there is a divide here regarding the mode of thanking someone? Interesting. I use a mixture depending on the situation - a card is particularly nice when you don't see the recipient very often and can be a reason to write a letter, send a photo, stay in contact. I don't see extra sincerity in purchasing a card over telephoning, but then Hallmark may disagree with me...

I laughed at the thought of all the idle people watching Eastenders instead of writing thank you cards - how dare they have free time!

Original poster
crapcook · 09/01/2008 16:02

So this is all my fault for being kind enough to buy them a gift in the first place?

I bought the gift because their dd is special to us what with it being the daughter of dp's oldest and bestest friend. They have in fact just asked dp to be their best man as they have just got engaged.

The fact that they haven't bought ds anything isn't an issue. I don't buy presents to receive. I have already stated that in my previous posts.

It is the fact that friend knows that the gift would have been carefully thought out by ME and hasn't bothered to text to say thanks. When I said it was a great present, well it might not be that great to everyone but I put effort in to make sure that it would be a) something that friend liked for her dd and b) something that she needed. Now if it was some cheapo toy that I'd picked up for a couple of quid from Woolies then I wouldn't be arsed.

It is the effort thing that has bothered me. That she knows I have put the effort in and have had no thanks.

If thanking dp is enough for her well I'll leave it up to him to buy next year. In that case they will end up with either nothing or some cheapo toy from Woolies.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapcook · 09/01/2008 16:04

And no, we don't go buying everyone's children presents and we are not rich either.

This little girl is special to us so I thought I'd make an extra special effort for her.

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 09/01/2008 16:07

What's "all your fault" crapcook?

I do understand you feeling irritated but don't be too cross - you never really know what the other party is thinking and life is too short. Revel in having given a great gift which they obviously love

(Must take own advice.)

Original poster
crapcook · 09/01/2008 16:12

I posted this

'So this is all my fault for being kind enough to buy them a gift in the first place?'

in response to Twig's post

'I think you're on a bit of a power trip personally and don't think it is very becoming .. you have already embarrassed them by buying a gift in the first place without discussing it .. there is probably nothing more embarrassing

I don't get why people buy friends children christmas presents in the first place .. who has that much money?'

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 09/01/2008 16:14

I see, thank you for explaining.

Hmm, still don't get too cross though. It's nice to find a really special present for someone and perhaps their embarrassment has prevented them from phoning you directly.

LilianGish · 09/01/2008 16:22

Give the girl a chance - it is only January 9 and she has thanked your dp in person. I think a thank you note is most essential when someone has sent something in the post and wouldn't otherwise know you had received it. My kids have just made a load of thank you cards and signed them to various god parents and aunts who they didn't see at Christmas. I wouldn't be hugely offended if someone didn't send one to me - and rather no thank you note at all than the identical postcard my sil sends out for all gifts received (as in all things - if you can't be bothered to do it properly don't bother).

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