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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that friend hasn't even thanked me for buying her dd a Christmas present?

87 replies

crapcook · 06/01/2008 22:46

This friend is the partner of DP's oldest oldest mate. DP and his mate have known each other since they started infant school so they are very fond of each other...almost like brothers.

As a result of this I feel close to him and am fond of him too iykwim. I have also become good mates with his gf who is the one I am moaning about. We had DS in Dec 06 then they had their DD in Aug so we also have that in common.

They live in Manc and we were up there after Christmas for a few days. One night, I was going out with my girl friends for the night and DP was going out with his mates for the night and this friend asked him to pick him up on the way to where they were going out. DP took their dd's present and apparently when they opened it they loved it but were embarrassed that they hadn't bought DS something.

Now I know you shouldn't give someone something and expect something in return but him or his gf (who like I said am quite close to) haven't even called or emailed me to say thank you for it.

I must add, that this wasn't any old tat, it was a really nice present.

OP posts:
Alambil · 06/01/2008 22:48

How rude of them!

MeMySonAndI · 06/01/2008 22:49

I'm afraid that they may have thought that thanking your DP was enough? did he mention you have sent it?

FlorenceFarkingNightingale · 06/01/2008 22:50

So they said thank you when it was given by your dp?

And it's only a few days since Christmas?

Blimey, I'd rather people didn't send presents if they expect a thank you in writing this quickly.

madrose · 06/01/2008 22:50

I've only just written our thank yous , just didn't get chance before, but I know many people who don't bother with thank yous. It is rude.

differentYearbutthesamecack · 06/01/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeMySonAndI · 06/01/2008 22:53

Is it rude to tahnk in person? should a thank you be validated by a card?

I'm getting a bit paranoid here...

Original poster
crapcook · 06/01/2008 22:53

I am close enough friends with the gf and we email regularly.

If they had bought ds a present and I hadn't got to see her over the holidays I would have at least texted or sent a quick email just thanking her for it.

Like you say, a thank you letter might be in the post. I'm prob being unreasonable. I shouldn't judge everyone's standards by my own.

And that is today's lesson learned.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 06/01/2008 22:54

YABU... not all of us have had time / been organised enough to get our thankyous out yet. Be patient.

Original poster
crapcook · 06/01/2008 22:55

We both sent the present. It was a lovely one. Worthy of a thank you. Not just to DP but to me as well.

OP posts:
differentYearbutthesamecack · 06/01/2008 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlelapin · 06/01/2008 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madrose · 06/01/2008 22:56

To be honest - if thanked in person I don't expect anything and vice versa, but it is nice to know if the children liked/enjoyed the gift - can be done by conversation, text, email etc. Also find it an opportunity to send an uptodate picture of DD - which friends and family like as most live far away.

Alambil · 06/01/2008 22:58

but they are in text/email contact - it takes all of 30 secs to send one of those... a quick "o by the way, thanks for the gift, how was your xmas" type would do surely?!

FlorenceFarkingNightingale · 06/01/2008 22:59

I want to know what the gift was now, as you think it was so good!

Original poster
crapcook · 06/01/2008 23:02

It was a beautiful outfit from JL.

And a Doidy cup as I knew she didn't have one.

OP posts:
Tommy · 06/01/2008 23:08

she may have had a lot on and knows that she'll thank you when she sees you.

I do think that sometimes we get a bit hung up on thank you notes - espeecialy since she said thank you when she got it and you are good friends. If you were a doddery old aunt I would understand but surely friendship surpasses stuff like this?

Original poster
crapcook · 06/01/2008 23:13

I don't expect a letter or note sent through the post. It isn't the usual thing that we do with each other.

Just a quick email or text. Doesn't take 2 mins.

OP posts:
Sushipaws · 06/01/2008 23:16

Ummmmm, if I thank someone in person then I don't usually send a card or email. Now I'm paranoid, if it's an aunt or an older relative then maybe I would send a card, but if it was one of my mates I probably wouldn't expect a formal thank you. If I was given an outfit for my dd, I might mention that she's had it on in an email........I think YABU, sorry, I guess thank you cards mean alot to some people.

dingdong05 · 06/01/2008 23:37

In amongst this thread of considerate people I must stick out as a rude sore thumb

I must admit to being absolutely rubbish at sending thankyou cards. In fact, I only started doing it after all the "birth" gifts arrived from folk I rarely spoke to, but must admit they are often late... sometimes so long it's embarrassing to send

Rude? Yes, I guess I CAN SEE WHY some would call it that... I think I'm just cr*p though

Which would you rather be? lol

FrannyandZooey · 06/01/2008 23:38

haven't read thread - she may not quite have got round to it yet - I was very prompt in writing my thank yous but haven't actually delivered them all yet

it is still only early Jan

FrannyandZooey · 06/01/2008 23:40

thinking about it, not many people do thank you letters these days

I do think they are nice but I don't always get round to it myself and once a reasonable time period has elapsed it feels more embarrassing to do one than to not do one

Phatmouse · 06/01/2008 23:57

It sounds like there was a thank you and it also sounds like there was a bit of embarressment about no return gift which is probably the reason she has not mentioned it. I will bet that there will be a present for your little one next year, but she is probably feeling unable to mention it without mentioning she never thought to get you one and that opens up a whole new matter because not only will she have to say thanks but sorry and surley that would just embaress you.

maybe you should say sorry for putting her in that position and adding to her cost for next year

How do you spell embarress then?

love2sleep · 07/01/2008 11:57

Sorry but I don't understand this.
Why isn't one thank you enough? Is it because it wasn't written or because it was given to DP and not to you?

FlameNFurter · 07/01/2008 12:01

They thanked your DP and liked it when they got it.

You're getting arsey because they haven't gushed to you as well about the wonder of the present.

If DH took a present to someone, they said thank you at the time, that is enough for me. It wouldn't occur to me to thank the other person.

Would your DH be bothered if you had taken it and he didn't get a thank you? I think most likely not.

MsSparkle · 07/01/2008 12:06

I never understand when people say they didn't have the time, what's that about? Sometimes i don't get time in a day to do something but i am sure over a two week period some time can be found to send a txt or make a phone call. It doesn't have to be an hour long phone call, just a ten minute chat.

Like when people say they didn't the time to do something yet they had the time to watch their favourate tv programme