To not go to the DMs birthday meal tonight

[Elleinad1]

It's my mums birthday meal tonight (a milestone birthday) and there's a large table booked for 7.30.

I have a 15 month old DD. I had a babysitter booked for tonight but she's just messaged me to say she has covid so can no longer babysit.
Trouble is, I have nobody else I could ask to look after DD for a few hours at such short notice. Everyone I would ask is going. I was going to drive and not drink anyway and the pub is only 5 miles away so wouldn't be home too late but I'm getting a bit of a hard time for not being able to go.

Family are saying I'm being precious not to bring DD with me. I just dont think a pub especially busy on a Saturday night full of drunk people is an appropriate place for a small toddler. Or children in general. She normally goes to bed at 7.30 anyway and I don't want to have her try and sleep in her pushchair in a busy pub.

DH is away until Monday for work otherwise he would've stayed home with her.
I've booked afternoon tea with her tomorrow for Mother's Day so I will be seeing her this weekend.

Am I being a bit precious for not going with DD? Do you judge people who bring children into pubs of a weekend nighttime?

I wouldn't judge you. But it's up to you at the end of the day.

You could always go for an hour just to show face? That's if mum is happy with that.

I’d go for half an hour with your dd. If it isn’t going well then leave. If it’s ok then stay.

Why do you assume the pub will be full of drunk people? Will your party be drunk? If not, why would you assume everyone else will be? 7.30pm is reasonably nice and early. I personally would make the effort to go if I could, even if I only stayed say 90 minutes then discretely left (say goodbye to your mum).

Your mum doesn't have a special birthday every day. Is there a back story here?

Do you judge people who bring children into pubs of a weekend nighttime?

Is that ^^ what this is really about then? You're afraid of being judged? No I wouldn't judge anyone having a family meal in a pub. Why not just go and leave after you've eaten?

I'd go, taking your DD and see how it goes. It could be a disaster and she's over tired and grizzly and you leave after 30 mins or it could be that she's really interested in all that is going on around her and relatives and happy to take turns to hold her & distract her or it could be that she falls asleep in her pushchair quite easily.

Totally depends on the pub really. But a large table for a meal is unlikely to be surrounded by drunks early evening, I can see why your family want you to go. I’d go just for the meal personally

Actually I think that your dd would probably be ok, a later night will only be a one off. She will sleep when she’s tired.
Go. Your mum will be happy you made the effort.

Am I being a bit precious for not going with DD? Do you judge people who bring children into pubs of a weekend nighttime?

No and yes. Although the latter shouldn't be a reason to stop you going if you wanted to and thought DD would be fine during it.
Would it be possible for you to pop in just for a pre-dinner drink then go home?
If not, in your position I'd give the dinner a miss (maybe calling/facetiming to join in during the "Happy Birthday" singing) and feel extremely relieved that Mother's Day has happily fallen the very next day and you have lovely plans with her to celebrate it.
Hope you both have a good time and all is resolved satisfactorily.

I would go. Your DD might sleep in her buggy or she could sit in a high chair with a few toys. If that doesn’t work you could leave. At least you will have tried.

If you do go phone and double check that you can actually take DD by the way, some pubs don’t allow kids after certain times

I think youre being a bit precious as it's not far away- I'd go, try and if it's a disaster come home

I’d go for an hour or so to show your face.

I would take her, hopefully she will fall asleep on the way their, or take her for a short walk before you go in if she may sleep!

You can always pretend you're from the med

Absolutley fine to take DD it's a one off she will fall straight back into routine tomorrow and it's obviously a pub where they serve food in which case should be fine for children we often take DC out for pub grub past 7pm.

Okay I'm being a bit precious. I guess I'm just a bit scared of being judged.

It's a busy pub and it's quite small so I'm just a bit worried. But I'm going to go for a drink (non alcoholic as I'm going to drive) and give her her presents and show my face for an hour and bring DD home when she starts to get tired. I do feel awful for not going to the whole thing and I do really want to go. DD is teething at the mo and is a bit cranky but I'll bring her toys and there's plenty people to keep her entertained.

And to the poster asking if there's a back story - absolutely no backstory whatsoever! Just asking for everybody's opinions!

Thank you all!

It's only once. You're not making a habit of it (are you?) Just go. If your DC is very unhappy you can go home as it's only 5 miles away.

No YANBU. People who says those things like you're being too precious aren't the ones dealing with the overtired baby afterwards so tell them to kindly jog on. You know it will be a nightmare taking your baby to the pub. You won't enjoy it. The baby won't enjoy it either so do what it right for you. After all, you are seeing your mother tomorrow so it's not like you won't be naming the effort...

@HopeIsNotAStrategy

Why do you assume the pub will be full of drunk people? Will your party be drunk? If not, why would you assume everyone else will be? 7.30pm is reasonably nice and early. I personally would make the effort to go if I could, even if I only stayed say 90 minutes then discretely left (say goodbye to your mum).

Your mum doesn't have a special birthday every day. Is there a back story here?

Why do you assume the pub will be full of drunk people?

Well that's mostly what its like from experience on a Saturday night? People drinking in a pub?
Not at 7.30, but yes the party will be getting drunk, totally within their rights at a birthday celebration in a pub on a Saturday night.

But as you said it's relatively early so I'm going for an hour for a drink and to give presents etc

You know your DD best. If she’s going to be a howling, overtired mess by 8pm, then I’d not go. But assuming that a pub, serving food, at 7:30pm will a) be full of drunks and b) unsuitable for a child, is unreasonable.

I would definitely go along and take your Dd with you!

Some pubs have a time limit on when children can be there, phone and check .If its around 8 then you really wouldn't have time to do anything more than say hello. If its later then no one has any room to complain. What's your child's usual bedtime ? I would have hated the thought of getting one of mine out of their routine

I wouldn't worry too much. I know what you mean about not taking young kids to pub even for a meal. But I'm sure your DD will gain a lot from a night with family and your mum will enjoy it. Hope you enjoy it too.

Where do,you live and what kind of place have rhey booked that it will be full of drunk people at 7.30? Lots of pubs round here do lovely food but you certainly don’t see folks off their tits like that. What a shame she’s picked such a god awful place for her meal. I’d not go. They must know it’s like that. I’d certainly not take a baby. I would have no hesitation in taking her to any of the lovely pubs doing food round here,but not the sort of place you’re describing.

Oh gosh sorry, misread, it’s not just the punters but your family are also going to get drunk? That would be a hard no for me.