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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to the DMs birthday meal tonight

65 replies

Elleinad1 · 26/03/2022 17:27

It's my mums birthday meal tonight (a milestone birthday) and there's a large table booked for 7.30.

I have a 15 month old DD. I had a babysitter booked for tonight but she's just messaged me to say she has covid so can no longer babysit.
Trouble is, I have nobody else I could ask to look after DD for a few hours at such short notice. Everyone I would ask is going. I was going to drive and not drink anyway and the pub is only 5 miles away so wouldn't be home too late but I'm getting a bit of a hard time for not being able to go.

Family are saying I'm being precious not to bring DD with me. I just dont think a pub especially busy on a Saturday night full of drunk people is an appropriate place for a small toddler. Or children in general. She normally goes to bed at 7.30 anyway and I don't want to have her try and sleep in her pushchair in a busy pub.

DH is away until Monday for work otherwise he would've stayed home with her.
I've booked afternoon tea with her tomorrow for Mother's Day so I will be seeing her this weekend.

Am I being a bit precious for not going with DD? Do you judge people who bring children into pubs of a weekend nighttime?

OP posts:

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/03/2022 19:01

@TheDaydreamBelievers
Well clearly that’s a different matter and it would solve OP’s dilemma quite nicely wouldn’t it. It doesn’t sound to be the case though

girlmom21 · 26/03/2022 19:02

@LuckySantangelo35 I just don't think it's a nice environment for the toddler to have to be in personally but I wouldn't judge OP for taking her child to a meal

AntiHop · 26/03/2022 19:03

My 12 month old would never cope with that. She's ready to sleep between 6.30 and 7.30. If I try and keep her up beyond that, she's a screaming mess. This is not about me wanting to stick to her routine, it's about her getting easily overtired.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/03/2022 19:05

[quote girlmom21]@LuckySantangelo35 I just don't think it's a nice environment for the toddler to have to be in personally but I wouldn't judge OP for taking her child to a meal [/quote]
@girlmom21
It might be quite a nice environment though, everyone feeling jolly and chatty!

glebaisaword · 26/03/2022 19:14

Mine would not have been good in that situation at that age. I would not have taken my DC but only as they'd be grumpy arseholes or else hyper af and I wouldn't want to deal with that. They were all terrible sleepers too and a night off the usual bedtime routine would have ensured a shite night after we got home too. I wouldn't judge you at all if you did have your dc in a pub, but you know your DD best and you are seeing your mum tomorrow so I wouldn't feel too bad if you don't go.

HaveringWavering · 26/03/2022 19:17

Not sure why being around people who are a bit drunk is a problem for a 15 month-old. Could be weird for an older kid who understands that people are acting funny but at that age they have no idea. My son always slept very well in his pram in busy places, I think the noise was quite calming.

TabithaTittlemouse · 26/03/2022 19:19

I’m glad you’ve decided to pop in.

FWIW I think it depends on the child and the pub. We have some nice ones nearby but also some that I wouldn’t go near as an adult so wouldn’t dream of taking a child in.
I wouldn’t judge unless you were really drunk!

CorvusPurpureus · 26/03/2022 19:26

I'd go, but make sure you've both eaten beforehand, so you can just have a drink & order something to pick at, & share with dd.

Put her in something she can happily sleep in, like leggings & a t-shirt.

Then play it by ear: if she's happily being passed around & enjoying the evening, great. If she's fast asleep in her buggy, also fine. If she's grouchy & would clearly be happier in her bed, scoop her up & go home.

I'm a veteran of Unreasonable Parents AND In Laws who expected tots to party...I discovered quite soon that if they'd seen & cooed over the youngest one briefly, they were very happy to have them then spirited away.

Just turn up with both of you already fed & ready for bed, & then you can show your face & leave when you/she have had enough.

whynotwhatknot · 26/03/2022 19:27

Im going aginst the grain here and say dont bother you wont enjoy yourself and youre seeing your mum tomorrow already one day wont hurt

Rosebuud · 26/03/2022 19:40

But people do tend to go to the pub.. to get drunk

Sure, some people, it’s sad that’s the type of place they are going to and they are just going to get drunk. We are all different. I’m in a similar location to you and the pubs near me serve lovely food and people will be merry come closing but you wouldn’t see many drunk to be honest.

I think as they are going to some rough dump where everyone is there to get drunk and so are they then honestly there’s no way I’d take a baby. Give it a miss,

crosstalk · 26/03/2022 20:18

Hope you have a good time OP. And don't stay so long you're offering lifts!

Original poster

Elleinad1 · 26/03/2022 20:57

We're home now. DD is super cranky. She's teething and one of her back teeth are coming through so I've given her calpol and put her to bed. Stayed for a blackcurrant soda and gave gifts and snuck off. Pub was rammed and everyone is having a great time.

Will see mum properly tomorrow for what I've planned for her.

OP posts:

crosstalk · 26/03/2022 21:44

Well done OP you did your job and got home. Hope DD teethes well and you have a great time with your mum tomorrow.

Juniper68 · 26/03/2022 22:36

That's good. You did enough. Hopefully you get some sleep?

Original poster

Elleinad1 · 27/03/2022 11:31

@Rosebuud

But people do tend to go to the pub.. to get drunk

I think as they are going to some rough dump where everyone is there to get drunk and so are they then honestly there’s no way I’d take a baby. Give it a miss,

I'm sorry, but that's quite an assumption that my family went to a 'rough dump?'

My family are absolutely not rough. And the pub isn't a dump. It was just very busy with punters that had been there all day with the football on, and I didn't know if taking a teething grumpy 1 year old was the best thing.

If I thought the pub was a rough dump I wouldn't have even thought about bringing my child with me. Cheers for your input tho.

OP posts:

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