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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alcohol Free Forever?

57 replies

SavBbunny · 26/03/2022 17:11

I have been supported by a wonderful group of people on an alcohol free MN thread to stop drinking. However I loved my wine and the thought of never having a glass again makes me sad. I now feel guilty even discussing it.
Has anyone been able to moderate their drinking after being a binge boozer? All the quit lit, online forums, AA say you can't.

OP posts:
yoshiblue · 26/03/2022 17:14

Personally I don't think you can, it's a highly addictive drug in the end of the day.

I went AF for a year in 2019, then slipped back into moderating. I really tried but it was too easy to fall back into old patterns.

I recognised in myself that I actually wasn't even enjoying drink anymore, and it was making me feel tired, bloated, sluggish.

Stopped again 1st March 2021. I'm over one year AF now and don't think I'll drink again. There are so many more benefits by not bothering.

alwaysmovingforwards · 26/03/2022 17:17

If you deny yourself what you like, temptations will always get you at your weakest moment.

You’ve got to want to not drink. Then it’s easy.

spacehardware · 26/03/2022 17:19

I don't think it's true that it's impossible to moderate - it's just why expend the mental and emotional effort on managing an addiction?

Once you genuinely see that alcohol is a drug, same as cocaine or heroin, you can't see it the same way. That's not to say I don't want to drink sometimes, I do, because the addiction tells me that would be nice. It's a lie tho

Createabitofuntruenews · 26/03/2022 17:24

It depends whether you are an Alcoholic or not,if you are one you will never be able to moderate.If you just drank to much you may be able to.

Plenty of people who are called Alcoholics aren’t,they can give it up and get another hobby.

I am an Alcoholic.I stopped drinking 19 years ago,I know I can never drink again.

HuntingoftheSnark · 26/03/2022 17:27

I think some people can moderate, yes. It depends whether you think you're actually addicted .... AA says that it's an allergy, and I can really identify with that. If I were allergic to nuts or lobster, and eating it could kill me, I just wouldn't contemplate it - that's how bad my alcohol addiction was, and the momentary high of the first gulp just isn't worth losing everything for.

Squirrelblanket · 26/03/2022 17:27

Try reading 'Why can't I drink like everyone else?' by Rachel Hart. She reckons you can.

halvahalva · 26/03/2022 17:28

To be honest, the fact that the mere thought of never drinking wine again makes you sad means that you are still pining over alcohol. Now if this weren't an a highly addictive substance then there wouldn't be a problem, but as it is I'd say that it's not something you should try. It's not worth it.

Northernsoullover · 26/03/2022 17:37

I don't miss it any more. I don't know what quit lit you've read but Alcohol Lied to Me made it so much easier. Now I'm just gone 3 years alcohol free and its like I was never a drinker. I think I could moderate. However, to me it would be futile. What would be the point in two drinks? It wouldn't be 'fun' having to limit it. It certainly wasn't fun when I drank to excess either.

EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 17:39

It's an interesting thought, OP.

I'm far more productive (and slimmer!) when I don't drink but I do really enjoy it.

Following!

doadeer · 26/03/2022 17:41

I think it's been possible for me.

I was a heavy drinker, never ever just one.

After a huge host of health issues I pretty much rarely drink now and when I do it's half a glass or a glass mixed with sparking water. I genuinely can't imagine drinking 4/5/6 etc drinks anymore.

Fairislefandango · 26/03/2022 17:42

I think that if you were the kind of person who was able to drink moderately, you probably would have been doing that from the beginning, and would never have needed to give up in the first place.

The sadness and guilt are probably signs of your unhealthy emotional tie to alcohol and might be indications that you would not be able to have an easy, moderate relationship with it.

hihellohihello · 26/03/2022 17:42

I can moderate. I do. Only drink certain days. Will only have one or two. Only have up to 7 units per week. Certain things make it easier. Changing up glasses to smaller ones. Vintage glasses are often smaller. Finding zero alcohol versions you like as much. And forming new habits. First couple of times breaking in a new habit feels a bit strange but when established it is fine.

Coyoacan · 26/03/2022 17:44

I sort of think that I have the memories. But they are not all good

Catclean · 26/03/2022 17:46

My partner is a musician and has indulged in alcohol rather too heavily in the past! He's realised that booze seems to make his fingers ache, so has knocked it on the head completely, literally overnight. Being able to sing and play the instruments is more important.
I think if your reason is strong enough to you, then you can do it.

hihellohihello · 26/03/2022 17:48

I think that if you were the kind of person who was able to drink moderately, you probably would have been doing that from the beginning, and would never have needed to give up in the first place.

I'm not sure this is true. Our culture has changed. When I was a student nearly everyone I knew binge drank occasionally or quite often. This was in the 90s. It was fashionable for women to match the men in what they drank too. We drank pints, shorts everything. The SU had 50p shot nights.

I don't think it would be possible to keep that up without being pretty unhealthy though. I've not drank like that in decades.

Original poster
SavBbunny · 26/03/2022 17:51

I didn't drink daily but had no stop button at parties. I only drank wine. Whole cupboard of spirits not for me but weirdly I like Gordon's 0%.
My weight and health has been poor and I have lost 17 1bs in 11 weeks.
My friends and wider family are big drinkers (not DH). However I think I was the entertainment as I usually sang, danced or did something stupid. I hasten to add I am a trained singer but no Adele!
I have read Alcohol lied to me. Rock bottom and attended AA (I was scared).

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 17:55

I find wine is my Achilles heel, OP.

I can have a couple of glasses at home, which I enjoy, then stop.

If it drink wine / Prosecco at a party, I keep going.

Alcohol is a big part of my family and work culture. Obviously that's not healthy but it's also not going to change overnight.

I've switched to gin for long events, because I'm quite happy to have two or three or even four singles over the evening, so people see me drinking and I'm 'fitting in'.

I do find it boring though.

Original poster
SavBbunny · 26/03/2022 18:02

@EinsteinaGogo

Boring is the bit 77 days in.
I collected wine, blathered on about it and drunk it.
I am constantly asked when I am drinking again. No party invites for me atm.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 18:06

I hear you, OP.

Do you want to never drink wine again?

I thought I did but I don't.

I quite liked 'wine me' .
I didn't have my pants on my head. I didn't snog anyone inappropriate. I was just chattier, louder and bouncier.

Non-wine me : quite judgmental and looking at my watch to see when can I go home.

I do like having a gin as a non-wine drink when I want to be fully with it, though,

Feather12 · 26/03/2022 18:09

Over the last few years I have done a 100 day abstinence from alcohol. Invariably I go for a few weeks longer and then start again moderately. It does eventually creep up again (never back to the bottle of prosecco every night - I don’t drink on work nights at all now) but it is a slippery slope and when I find my drinking increasing, I stop altogether again. This works for me because I don’t want to never drink again, Now I tend to drink over the summer and from Thanksgiving to Christmas, but not really the rest of the year.

Original poster
SavBbunny · 26/03/2022 18:13

@EinsteinaGogo

Ah the pants, I was the queen of flashing my spanx. Went to bed in them once. Thought I died.
I didn't like wine me. My immediate family are all non drinkers (DH, DS, DD).
I was the least favourite of my parents children. Having therapy for that! 😁
Booze and me were friends for decades. Helped me cope with some pretty big shit.
However took it's toll.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 18:18

It's tough, isn't it OP.

Which version of your 'me' works best for you?

Original poster
SavBbunny · 26/03/2022 18:36

@EinsteinaGogo

My best version of me was no drinking in the week and possibly the champagne years as it ment special events only.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 19:28

It's so hard to know what's the best option, OP.

Do you feel you're alcohol dependent? Is this another hurdle you have to get through, to be at that alcohol free side?

MissConductUS · 26/03/2022 19:39

It helps to understand what happens if you become alcohol dependent.

Molecular basis of alcoholism

It actually changes your neurochemistry. The craving and other withdrawal symptoms are what happens when the new neurochemistry has to go without. Eventually, your neurochemistry reverts to normal. Drinking intermittently just has you bouncing between the two.

I'm an HCP and I'm celebrating 28 years of sobriety next week. Smile