Alcohol Free Forever?

[SavBbunny]

I have been supported by a wonderful group of people on an alcohol free MN thread to stop drinking. However I loved my wine and the thought of never having a glass again makes me sad. I now feel guilty even discussing it.
Has anyone been able to moderate their drinking after being a binge boozer? All the quit lit, online forums, AA say you can't.

@EinsteinaGogo

No i don't feel alcohol dependent. I felt it was OK to drink to access and it really isn't.
I caused issues at home.
I have had a good evening so far and haven't wanted to drink. Early night needed.

Alcohol explained by William Porter illustrates why you cannot moderate after being a heavy drinker. Riveting read.

I think I have managed to moderate. I used to be a heavy drinker and my booze intake increased massively over lockdown. Last year I had an epiphany that booze wasn't fun anymore, the anxiety was crippling. Every so often I fancy a wine and I have one (I immediately regret it) and then I stop again. I do go out and have a few drinks occasionally and have fun whilst drinking but I do stop again for months afterwards because hangovers just aren't fun.

I was never an alcoholic though and if I felt I was then I would think the temptation is too great. Alcohol is awful, but so ingrained in our culture - just stop OP and find better ways to spend what would have been a hangover. Go outside, breathe in the fresh air, read a book, give a big hug to someone you love.

Brilliant. Sounds like you are doing really well, OP.

There are many hurdles and turns on the journey. Hats off to you, OP.

Happiness and balance lies ahead xxx

I was never alcohol dependent but was a heavy social binge drinker from university through my 20s and just into my early 30s. I never found it remotely difficult to have alcohol-free days or weeks, but always found it hard to stop once I started.

I don't drink much these days (probably average 3 units a week) because it just messes with my sleep, digestion and mood. But the urge to overdo it is still there on occasions. I can still sink a bottle of wine, and do so maybe once every few months.

I finally decided last week to give up altogether, because I had to admit that a) I almost always regret drinking (even a small amount) and am always glad if I resisted. And b) The knowledge that I sonetimes drink too much makes me uncomfortable.The trouble is, I have no extremely pressing reason to stick to it, because I am overall a moderate drinker and it doesn't cause me any real problems.

I feel very like you, OP. I stopped drinking at Halloween 2021. Had wine over Christmas . Gave it up again. Have had two holidays since and allowed myself wine on them. And a lot of it too ! Loved it.

So now only holidays and meals out, specials occasions. As opposed to 3 nights a week. It's not great as I am technically binge drinking on hols but I would have drunk a lot on holidays anyway .

So it's not perfect but WAY better than it was . I too feel sad at the notion of not drinking again. Heading to Greece soon so looking foward to some red and wome fizz !

The thing is that true moderation comes from having something you can take or leave. If you’re sad that you might never had it again, you probably shouldn’t. I couldn’t give a crap when I have a drink next so I know I’m alright but I know that I can never touch another cigarette as long as I live.

Once you have to start trying to moderate ie. try to control your drinking…you’ve probably got a problem with alcohol. I think it’s very hard to successfully moderate once you become a problem drinker. You might manage it for a while, even a long while, but eventually you’ll drink too much again.

That’s been my observation and my own experience, anyway. I choose to abstain. It’s hard at first, but ultimately easier long term than having to constantly think about controlling my drinking. I just don’t have the first drink. Then I know for sure I won’t drink too much!

I went alcohol free at the beginning of September. Personally, I don't think I could drink in moderation. I would binge drink and I don't think I would ever be able to control that. Everyone is different though.

No i don't feel alcohol dependent. I felt it was OK to drink to access and it really isn't. I caused issues at home.

These statements don’t work together, @SavBbunny, they are incompatible.

I stopped drinking in July 2019, as I was drinking way too much - probably a bottle of wine most days. Stayed sober for 2 years and decided to try moderation. I managed moderation, but honesty I wasn't ready for it, because I didn't actually WANT to moderate - I still wanted ALL the wine. So, although no drunkenness took place, I went sober for another 6 months.
Now, a few weeks ago, I decided I wanted to try moderation again. So far it's been fine, and I feel in a much better place with it. I've had a couple of glasses of wine and have had zero desire to have more than that. Am I nervous about it? Yes. But I think it is possible that I can moderate. I guess I'll let you know in a few months/years!

Sober since July 2018. I wasn't a daily drinker but social drinks rarely stopped at 2 or 3 and the impact on my mood I found crippling. I probably struggled for the first 12 months the feeling that I would never drink again and, usually on holiday, I get the pang of "missing out" or being the boring one. But as time goes by you realise the pros FAR outweigh the cons and being AF feels anything but boring. I'd recommend reading "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober".

Well done OP!

I am one who can moderate and i have always been a big drinker and I was known for it too. I think I wasn’t addicted though and the revelation for me came when I realised I preferred being sober and preferred my life without booze in it. I can’t cope with the hangovers anymore either and I am now mostly tee total.

But I do very occasionally- possibly once a month, sometimes once every 3 months have a few drinks but rarely enough to get drunk anymore. I tend to stick to lager or a gin/cocktail and I rarely touch wine or prosecco anymore.

I find the pay off after to be a motivator not to drink much either. I do prefer a cup of tea these days!!

So I think it is possible and it’s possible if you were a big drinker too. It has affected my social life too but I find that I don’t really care about that as much anymore.

I also find that I if I do drink. I prefer it to be at lunchtime or recently I even went out to a 6-8 cocktail thing, was home in bed by 9 and had no hangover.

It’s a shift but it is possible! I think AA would disagree though and I think it depends on your addiction level too!

Ps, I second the ‘unexpected joy’ book too but she did have a MASSIVE drink problem!!

I think you may have traits of alcoholism and that it's unlikely you'll be able to moderate.
Try it for a month and find out!

Several people have mentioned that feeling sad you will never have another drink is a sign of a toxic relationship with alcohol. I don't think that is necessarily true, is it? I mean, there are lots of things I do (either occasionally or often) that I would be really sad to know I would never do again.

Good morning and thank you all. Some really enlightening advice.

I gave up drinking for so many reasons but mainly to have weight loss surgery.
I loved my wine and then I would eat the cheese.
I have been curvy for years but became obese after using alcohol to the blot pain of a tragic bereavement.
I am finding it hard to deal with friends expectations of me not drinking. Two particularly who have been drinking buddies don't like my sobriety.
I have had a couple of blips but it makes me feel like shit.
My doctor doesn't think I am an alcoholic and I have huge willpower. I suspect there is a devil on my shoulder at times and it is early days.
Woke up feeling great. Thank you all.

I’m 10 years now I think dry so glad too, in the summer I live on bitter lemon it was my go to drink right at the start, lemon and lime a pink at a pub I love that, every day is a first day with out drinking as far as I’m concerned. Good luck everyone and hugs,

I am managing to moderate at the moment. Having cut down significantly I mainly don't want to drink alcohol, but mentally I don't want to say I'm not going to drink at all. So every so often I have a drink and usually end up thinking that it wasn't worth it, meaning the drinks become more and more infrequent, but I haven't quite said never again.

I’ve become a special occasion drinker. Prosecco for Christmas, birthdays and weddings type stuff. I did have a glass with dinner yesterday as celebrated Mother’s Day early as I have work. Tbh honest there was a little twinge of wanting a binge as it brought on an immediate high. Left it at one glass though. It was New Years since I last had a drink.

I really think times have changed. I remember there being a really prevalent drinking culture in the 90s. Wine was fashionable. People joined clubs and ordered it by the crate, went on booze cruises and learnt to be 'connoisseurs'.

Thinking back it was seen as ok to drink to what would be seen as excess now. The guidelines were perceived differently. As long as you did not exceed your units you were seen as healthy. Now, if you take an NHS questionnaires the next question from being in a bracket which still includes the amount of units which is deemed ok it asks if you need help curbing your 'habit'. Getting drunk was seen as a bit of a right of passage now it is seen as binge drinking.

I still enjoy the connoisseur side. Just as I like nice food. I do miss the more carefree nature of society. I don't drink (or eat) to excess though. Too interested in health and fitness for that. I guess I never got physically addicted. Tbh, though, if anyone who has ever got drunk had a problem as it seems to be perceived on here everyone of my generation would need to go teetotal. I'm not but I ensure I belong to the lowest bracket of alcohol consumption.

And that's what you need to do to drink moderately - if you actually like the stuff. It's the same as with anything you like but don't want to binge on such as chocolate. I eat chocolate too regularly but only in very small amounts - a square/single chocolate truffle after a meal with my coffee. You cannot actually like alcoholic drinks such as wine and not moderate what you drink. Moderating it means you can drink responsibly. If you can't moderate you can't drink. Can you go from not moderating to moderating? In my experience, yes - otherwise the majority of people I know would be alcoholics and they are not and all moderate now. Obviously there are people who find moderating in general extremely difficult, though. So there are people with various addictions, food, alcohol, gambling etc. But people do enjoy all these things and if they are to responsibly they have to moderate.

@hihellohihello

Thank you for your thoughts.
I don't eat sweets or chocolate. I was an athlete and vegetarian for decades. I had no addictions accept shoes!
I had a terrible experience after my first son was born and my second son died. The drinking started then. I can moderate. I have scared myself recently as the frequency of binges got worse.
I am looking to replace my 'habit' and it might be gardening! New home shortly with a big garden.

@SavBbunny sorry for your loss.

It sounds to me like you are just finding your feet with moderating. Yes, finding a new hobby is a great idea. It will help remove the focus alcohol was beginning to have within your life. BUT you recognised this and have done something about it which is how moderation works. You decide what is an excess and your aim is not to get to that level. You decide what is manageable and realistic for you. I'm not as pessimistic as some probably because I can moderate. I appreciate some people cannot. You've just got to decide whether you can moderate or not.

This time of year is tricky, nicer weather, longer evenings etc and the idea of having a nice sociable drink in the sun can be overwhelming.

I always fast forward to imagining 3 drinks in, then the end of the night, then the next morning - the thought of all 3 remind me that I just don't want it. I'm still not ready for 'just 1 drink' and my current life situation means I'd be at risk of falling into bad habits quite quickly.

@hihellohihello I agree that it's changing but I'm still surrounded by people who think it's not a night out without boozing and bragging about boozing is prevalent - but thinking about it, they are probably products of that 90s binge/ladette period.