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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?

952 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/03/2022 13:12

Masses of confusion.

Husband spoke to GP yesterday morning and described his chest pain. He was advised to call an ambulance. My husband refused because he didn't think he needed one - thought he had chest infection or torn muscle.

He went to A&E - was sat in a corridor from 10.30am - he had ecg, x ray and blood test. He continued to sit on a chair in the corridor all day.

He was told he was waiting for blood test results. These came back at 6pm. Then he had to wait for a CT scan - then rushed to resus.

Dissected aorta from heart level to naval level.

I was called to be allowed to sit with him because I wasn't allowed to be in A&E. Was then told he was being blue lighted to another hospital an hour away for immediate surgery. I asked is this time critical? The answer was - yes life saving.

Paramedics arrived and told me to set off to this other hospital. There were three paramedics. One said 'I'm not taking him because I can't use that bit of kit, I'll lose my job if something goes wrong'. No advanced paramedics available and no doctor available to go in the transfer.

I was 15 min into the journey and then called back to the hospital.

No surgery.

Trying all day today to get him transferred. Nothing available.

He's critically ill.

I'm out of my mind with worry.

There's a saying about not being ill on the weekend. The standard of care is not the same. The 24hr cover appears to not exist.

I feel like we're being fobbed off with poor excuses big style.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
catwomando · 25/04/2022 21:57

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche that's good news. So glad things have progressed. You've been so patient.

Sending healing vibes to your DH and strength to you.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to not be able to see him in person. Keep strong x

StoneMap · 25/04/2022 22:04

Brilliant news! Best luck and strength to your husband and you.

olympicsrock · 25/04/2022 22:22

TFFT!
so glad Mr Porsche is safely back in CICU. Please know that the nurses will be happy to take your call at any time overnight if you wake and get worried - they are absolute pros and he will be in very experienced hands and really really well looked after ( great pain relief and kindness too) .

I hope you get some sleep. You need it after the last few weeks and you are both going to need strength for the recovery. Elephant trunks are indeed big ops!

Sending love and strength xxx

Reallybadidea · 25/04/2022 22:43

Such a good sign that they're waking him up this quickly. Best wishes to you all.

Throckmorton · 25/04/2022 22:49

Excellent news!!

Mumdiva99 · 25/04/2022 22:58

So glad to see your update and that he's out of surgery. Thinking of you both tonight.

Fraaahnces · 25/04/2022 23:17

Oh thank god! The first thing I checked as soon as I opened my eyes this morning. (Aus time!) 🌷🌷🌷

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/04/2022 23:32

Brilliant news So glad he's through the surgery

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/04/2022 23:33

Brilliant news So glad he's through the surgery

LittleYellowDog · 25/04/2022 23:45

been watching for a while. Just read the Duttons comments
If he is in York or Harrogate hospital I assume that explains your issues. York particularly is a total shambles (small joke) at the moment and it was pretty inadequate pre covid. PALS at York are great. Guess they have to be as the hospital is so poor.

notapizzaeater · 26/04/2022 00:06

So pleased it finally went ahead and he's out the other side x

Xpologog · 26/04/2022 00:51

Think you deserved more than cheesecake. Cannot begin to imagine how stressed you must be.
Hopefully this is the start of speedy recovery. Make sure you look after you. 💐

StampOnTheGround · 26/04/2022 09:38

So pleased everything went as planned, wishing him a speedy recovery now x

StampOnTheGround · 26/04/2022 09:38

So pleased everything went as planned, wishing him a speedy recovery now x

Badger1970 · 26/04/2022 13:26

What a relief. You must be at breaking point with exhaustion by now.

Flowers
Lougle · 26/04/2022 13:36

Such good news!

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/04/2022 14:12

I keep bursting into tears today.

I rang the unit and asked if he could have his phone. The nurse looking after him video called me. He was unaware that the surgery was successful and he told me he was dying, telling me where he's hidden cash (he hasn't), the doctors are against him, shouting 'so that's it then' and rambling. He looked so panicked and frightened and 'wild'. He's apparently on maximum pain killers but these haven't prevented pain - he said that I couldn't imagine the agony.

I rang the nurse in charge who said that this was to be expected after a long operation. I know that my husband had said that his body was being cooled to twenty something degrees. I don't know how long the operation lasted. It was early evening when I knew he'd got back to CICU. She said that he would be different by day 2 (tomorrow). She also said that he may go back to the ward tomorrow. That means, because of the 48 hr no visiting rule in CICU and the no visiting rule on all other wards, I won't be able to see him at all.

@LittleYellowDog Yes - the butcher's alley, Shambles. Good pun 😊 I do go to York for buttons, we don't live there but it's our nearest hospital. He was transferred out of there a month ago and hasn't been back.

He's an hour drive away in a different direction, which is irrelevant if I can't visit. I'd have thought it would benefit patients to see a named family (lft tested) member.

I think that I would've liked to be there for him last night and throughout today - this is normal usually isn't it? (Before pandemic.)

I remember visiting intensive care units without restriction at all times of day and night.

I feel a bit lost today really.

OP posts:
Xpologog · 26/04/2022 14:29

I can imagine with all you’ve been through the emotional pot is about to explode. It’s anxiety, relief, gratitude exhaustion…. You name it, I think you’ve been through it.
With your DH it’s probably the drugs talking, they’ll take a while to work through his system. Please rest when you can, keep talking to him when you can and hopefully by the time you see him in the flesh he’ll be more with it.
Look after yourself.

caecilius1 · 26/04/2022 14:45

OP, there's a Facebook group called 'Critical Care Support network' who are really helpful for what you're going through. All the members have been either in your shoes or the ITU patient.

caecilius1 · 26/04/2022 14:46

OP, there's a Facebook group called 'Critical Care Support network' who are really helpful for what you're going through. All the members have been either in your shoes or the ITU patient.

caecilius1 · 26/04/2022 14:46

OP, there's a Facebook group called 'Critical Care Support network' who are really helpful for what you're going through. All the members have been either in your shoes or the ITU patient.

LetitiaLeghorn · 26/04/2022 16:07

I mentioned my mum had a heart bypass earlier. When she was in ICU, she was convinced the nurse was trying yo murder her by pushing her off a boat. And the lady next door was convinced there was a Mexican hiding in the linen closet! In the end they would each other up to such a state over murder plots, the staff had to draw the curtain between them so they couldn't talk anymore. My mum just wasn't rational so and your husband will be the same.
It's something about the heart drugs I think because its really common. My hairdresser said her dad thought the machines all came alive at night and were trying to take over.
In the morning my mum would realise how nonsensical she'd been and be very apologetic. But by the evening when she was getting tired, she'd start again. When we went for the evening visit, she summon us over with a hiss and point out who was trying to kill her. She really had it in for the lovely anaesthetist! The nurses were constantly checking her outputs and mum would start wailing as they approached her. It must have been terrifying for her.
The nurses weren't fazed. It's quite common.
And it does only last a few days.
But the operation was a success. 🥳 Its true mum was pleased to see us but we couldn't stay long. Visiting hours were short and it's too tiring for them and it really didn't allay any of her fears anyway.

olympicsrock · 26/04/2022 16:10

Oh darling that’s so hard. His acute delerium is pretty common after a huge operation like this.
They won’t send him back to the ward like this. I would be surprised if he isn’t there a further night so perhaps you will be able to see him on CICU.
I would be very surprised if he has had severe pain for any length of time. With lots of anaesthetists around there are pretty hot on post op pain control.
He may be confused around events and timings. His nurse will be far more reliable telling you what has actually happened.
Be positive : he has made it through the op, is extubated and conscious! This is brilliant at this stage

olympicsrock · 26/04/2022 16:14

Oh darling that’s so hard. His acute delerium is pretty common after a huge operation like this.
They won’t send him back to the ward like this. I would be surprised if he isn’t there a further night so perhaps you will be able to see him on CICU.
I would be very surprised if he has had severe pain for any length of time. With lots of anaesthetists around there are pretty hot on post op pain control.
He may be confused around events and timings. His nurse will be far more reliable telling you what has actually happened.
Be positive : he has made it through the op, is extubated and conscious! This is brilliant at this stage

Reallybadidea · 26/04/2022 16:20

Hi OP, it sounds as though your DH is experiencing some degree of ICU delirium. It's really common - this page has some good information royalpapworth.nhs.uk/our-hospital/latest-news/intensive-care-delirium

Wrt visiting, I would push to be allowed to visit if at all possible. You could mention how concerned you are about his state of mind and that you feel it would help with this to see you.

I hope you have people you can talk to irl. I don't think you should underestimate how traumatic it can be for relatives to see loved ones going through critical illness. You need support too.