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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?

952 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/03/2022 13:12

Masses of confusion.

Husband spoke to GP yesterday morning and described his chest pain. He was advised to call an ambulance. My husband refused because he didn't think he needed one - thought he had chest infection or torn muscle.

He went to A&E - was sat in a corridor from 10.30am - he had ecg, x ray and blood test. He continued to sit on a chair in the corridor all day.

He was told he was waiting for blood test results. These came back at 6pm. Then he had to wait for a CT scan - then rushed to resus.

Dissected aorta from heart level to naval level.

I was called to be allowed to sit with him because I wasn't allowed to be in A&E. Was then told he was being blue lighted to another hospital an hour away for immediate surgery. I asked is this time critical? The answer was - yes life saving.

Paramedics arrived and told me to set off to this other hospital. There were three paramedics. One said 'I'm not taking him because I can't use that bit of kit, I'll lose my job if something goes wrong'. No advanced paramedics available and no doctor available to go in the transfer.

I was 15 min into the journey and then called back to the hospital.

No surgery.

Trying all day today to get him transferred. Nothing available.

He's critically ill.

I'm out of my mind with worry.

There's a saying about not being ill on the weekend. The standard of care is not the same. The 24hr cover appears to not exist.

I feel like we're being fobbed off with poor excuses big style.

OP posts:
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MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 04/04/2022 22:49

I have no idea what he wants.

He sent the ambulance away - they did ecg which was ok.

They said his blood pressure was ok. I said not really because on the cocktail of drugs he's on it's supposed to be much lower.

I said that I was convinced the tear is lengthening.

His theory is that his leg is painful because he's not been up and about much in the past 10 days.

I'm wondering now if he discharged himself but it doesn't say that on his discharge papers. He must've talked them into allowing him home. He found the atmosphere on the ward 'torture'. Originally he was supposed to be in hospital until after a scan this Thursday and all of a sudden he came home last Friday.

He's thinking he's having a bad day and he just needs peace and quiet in order to magically heal a large tear practically the length of his aorta.

My concern and cajoling is apparently not conducive to peace and quiet.

OP posts:
ItWillBeDone · 04/04/2022 22:52

I really feel for you OP. You're amazing how you're keeping everything going while your DH is so poorly. Remember you're entitled to a break too though. Give yourself time to breathe and make sure you call upon support if you need it.

olympicsrock · 04/04/2022 23:26

Hello OP - you need to get him back to hospital now. The pain radiating down his leg is very worrying and suggests that the dissection has extended.
Don’t bother with an ambulance , just take him back to hospital by car if you can they need to repeat the scan. Phone switchboard and ask them to bleep the cardiothoracic registrar and tell them you are on your way ( or the ward that you were discharged from)

I am not worried about the timescales by the way . There is a sweet spot to operate on disssection. Soonest is NOT best, but if the pain and high blood pressure continues they might have to expedite the operate at a riskier time.

olympicsrock · 04/04/2022 23:32

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche
Hope you are ok . I really hope you have persuaded him to go back . If he won’t, phone the ward and ask them to get a message to the cardiothoracic registrar on call. They will talk him into returning. Do not ignore the new leg pain.

SierpinskiSquare · 05/04/2022 00:36

OP,
Sorry if a daft suggestion but how does your husband get on with his GP. Could you get him to come out? My Dad would listen to his GP but he wouldn't listen to anyone else even though he was making very poor decisions about his health. We didn't want to force him to go into hospital even though he needed to - but he agreed when his GP spoke to him.

Cuck00soup · 05/04/2022 06:52

Gosh OP I'm so sorry you are going through this. Thanks

It's maddening when grown men won't do what is good for them isn't it? Obviously you can't make him return to hospital so remember that this is 100% his decision. However the consequences play out, it is his choice. It's actually quite a selfish choice imo, because I the consequences will be shared by you and your family.

Frlrlrubert · 05/04/2022 10:05

Oh OP I came back to this hoping for a positive outcome. I'm sorry for all you're going through Thanks

notapizzaeater · 05/04/2022 16:04

Why are some men useless, they have a leg hanging off but 'they are alright' hope he's finally listening to you.

StarCourt · 05/04/2022 22:33

Op he may be Ill but he is a grown man who may be making the wrong choices but unfortunately you can't stop him. Wishing you all the best

SouperNoodle · 06/04/2022 08:53

Thinking of you today. I hope he's ok xx

CornishPasty101 · 06/04/2022 14:54

How are you both doing today OP?

mcdog · 06/04/2022 19:26

Blimey OP, what an utterly awful time you're having. How is your husband today?

Bloody men, and their "I'm fine, stop fussing" attitudes, drives me bonkers.

Words · 07/04/2022 12:24

Thinking of you OP.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 07/04/2022 17:11

He's back in hospital.

This is hospital number 3.

He's been deteriorating since he came home. He could hardly walk yesterday because of pain radiating down his leg. He has a little bit of pain in his chest - mainly abdomen and leg.

I've been begging him, since last Sunday, to go back in.

He admitted last night that he was scared. I offered to take him to A&E all through the night. He was saying that if he went in hospital again, he wouldn't be coming back out.

When I was about to walk out of the house, to look after my grandchildren, he asked me to take him to A&E.

I couldn't let my daughter down as her work team is very small. So I rang for my son to come round and rang an ambulance.

He had a CT scan within half an hour of arriving at the hospital - still waiting for results (from 10am this morning).

If the dissection has worsened he will go back to hospital number 2. (Taken to number 3 because it is closer to hospital number 2.)

I have just spoken to him - he sounds very out of breath, groaning in pain. His blood pressure was 200/120 and has come down over the course of the day.

But at least he's in hospital. I really don't think that he should've been discharged.

Here we go again - galloping towards another weekend ....

OP posts:
CavernousScream · 07/04/2022 17:36

It sounds like he discharged himself last time. Hopefully this experience means he will stay in and follow medical advice. You must all be feeling very scared.

Hatinafield · 07/04/2022 17:41

I’m so sorry- and so relieved he’s back in. Keep us posted Flowers

JackieQueen · 07/04/2022 17:42

Sorry to hear your latest news op. Keeping everything crossed. Flowers

Joystir59 · 07/04/2022 17:50

I hope you get answers and his pain abate soon. So sorry for the seeming endless worry you are experiencing OP

alexdgr8 · 07/04/2022 18:09

your husband needs you at the moment.
can your daughter make other arrangements for child care, perhpas you could offer to help pay if she is short or readies.
but you need to be available for your husband. and not be burdened with other responsibilities.
you also need time to rest for your own health.
i wish you all the very best.

StopStartStop · 07/04/2022 18:24

Thinking of you both and checking in regularly, even though I haven't been posting. I am glad he is getting help.

BonjourCrisette · 07/04/2022 18:44

I'm so glad he is in hospital. Fingers crossed they can sort him out. I do agree with others, is there anything else your daughter could arrange for childcare? Your husband needs you too.

SouperNoodle · 07/04/2022 19:19

I'm glad he's back in hospital and I hope they can alleviate his pain and find the cause soon xx

mcdog · 08/04/2022 12:56

Oh god, I'm so glad he's back in hospital. You are being so brave OP, I admire you.

kirkandpetal · 08/04/2022 14:15

Agree - you are so incredibly brave but you must be physically and mentally exhausted. You are a extraordinary and amazing wife, mum and grandma. Please remember to take some time for yourself so you can keep going. Thinking of you and hoping for good news.

MrsMingech · 08/04/2022 19:29

I hope you're all ok. Flowers