To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

Masses of confusion.

Husband spoke to GP yesterday morning and described his chest pain. He was advised to call an ambulance. My husband refused because he didn't think he needed one - thought he had chest infection or torn muscle.

He went to A&E - was sat in a corridor from 10.30am - he had ecg, x ray and blood test. He continued to sit on a chair in the corridor all day.

He was told he was waiting for blood test results. These came back at 6pm. Then he had to wait for a CT scan - then rushed to resus.

Dissected aorta from heart level to naval level.

I was called to be allowed to sit with him because I wasn't allowed to be in A&E. Was then told he was being blue lighted to another hospital an hour away for immediate surgery. I asked is this time critical? The answer was - yes life saving.

Paramedics arrived and told me to set off to this other hospital. There were three paramedics. One said 'I'm not taking him because I can't use that bit of kit, I'll lose my job if something goes wrong'. No advanced paramedics available and no doctor available to go in the transfer.

I was 15 min into the journey and then called back to the hospital.

No surgery.

Trying all day today to get him transferred. Nothing available.

He's critically ill.

I'm out of my mind with worry.

There's a saying about not being ill on the weekend. The standard of care is not the same. The 24hr cover appears to not exist.

I feel like we're being fobbed off with poor excuses big style.

If he's taking the Oramorph, he absolutely should not be drinking. I'm sure some of the other drugs recommend against mixing them with alcohol too, but opiates and alcohol mixed can be really dangerous.

Is he quite a dominant personality within the marriage? You clearly love him very, very much and I don't mean to imply otherwise! Just that he is not making great decisions about his health, and I can understand why you're so stressed if he won't "let" you have input.

Jeez, you must be exhausted, you poor thing.
I really hope he lays off the wine this weekend. For you, if not for himself!

I've been in this situation before with a husband who insisted on discharging himself from hospital. It's infuriating because it is assumed that you will be taking responsibility for their ongoing care.

OP, my heart goes out to you, it really does.

Ill people have a lot of power, and sometimes that can be used in a manipulative way. Not saying this is necessarily the case for you of course, as I don't know the ins and outs. Just something to bear in mind. Take care.

Those times scales are, unfortunately normal timescales 😢 food wise it takes time to eat a normal meal - I wanted to punch my husband when I was in ICU and HDU every time he told me to eat more, so in the aspect of recovery he will get there, be patient with him. I often think this illness is much harder on loved ones and the patient and it’s bloody awful for us.

I hope you managed to get some rest last night. You sound exhausted

@olympicsrock

Well he's been home since Friday night.

He's gradually deteriorating.

His blood pressure is creeping up. He has pain from his chest and going down his right leg now.

He won't let me ring an ambulance. I'm concerned enough to ring for one.

He's says he's having an off day, to leave him alone, he can't bother people because it's an off day.

Definitely call an ambulance - I hope he is ok x

Call an ambulance for him, I understand him wanting to be at home but it's not the best place for him now.

Ring an ambulance. Or ring 111 (who will more than likely call an ambulance for you).

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche You're doing the right thing by overruling him and calling an ambulance. He's probably still traumatised from what's happened and unable to really make a balanced judgment. You know what he needs - to be in hospital.

Call the ambulance. They can assess him at home and convince him he needs to be back in hospital.

isn't that what he said originally, about not wanting to bother people, it wasn't so serious etc, before he was admitted and the problem discovered.
don't go by that. sometimes you have to be the responsible person who decides to seek help.
good luck OP.

Please call an ambulance, this happened to a relative of mine. He died because he wouldn't go in the ambulance.

Bugger what he says and call an ambulance. If he's worried about overreacting, go through 111 but they will probably confirm you need an ambulance.

Please call an ambulance. You’ve been through an absolute shit show of an ordeal and I can understand he really can’t face going back, but he really needs to be seen if you think he looks grey, increased pain and unstable BP.

I hope you are both ok OP. I agree with the previous posters, I think you need to call an ambulance and trust your gut instinct that he needs to go back to hospital.

OP you sound like an amazing wife, mother and grandmother!

I have just read through your entire post and cannot get over how selfless you are. Even at the hardest times you always put your children and grandchildren and worries about your husband above anything else. You are truly inspiring.

From an NHS surgeon I can only apologize for what you went through. It is exhausting fighting for your patients every day only for what should happen anyway. A job I love, can at times be horrendous- and embarrassing to not be able to give our patients the care they deserve and that I would love to be able to give them.

Stay strong you are fab. Best wishes to your DH and grand son.

Hope things are okay and DH is back in safe hands, OP.

Well he wouldn't go.

It took the best part of the week to get his blood pressure to 120/60.

It's now 154/88. And he's on a fair amount of medication.

He's breathless walking to the bathroom and back.

I can't sleep in the same bed as him - he's awake in pain all night and I have to be up at 5.30am. I'm not at home during the day for the rest of the week.

Christ knows what I'll be coming home to.

But I'll put on one of my fixed grins and continue for now.

I would just ignore him and ring an ambulance. If he's annoyed with you then so be it. Staying alive should be his priority right now.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche I haven't commented so far, but I've been following the thread all the way through and thinking of you often. I'm in healthcare (the sharp end of it), and I've seen various degrees of family support when someone is ill. You are an amazing person...do make sure you take care of yourself too, so that you can continue to support your DH and grandson. Hope you get some sleep tonight

I agree with @SouperNoodle now is not the time to be respecting his wishes.

I've been resisting sharing this as it's a horrible story but perhaps if you tell your DH he might realise the seriousness of the situation.

A family friend of ours had to have open surgery on his aorta in his late 60s/early 70s...I can't recall if it was an aneurysm or a dissection, but ultimately the surgery saved his life.

His son was not so lucky...he suffered an aortic aneurysm and died in minutes at the age of 39 whilst on a family holiday with his wife and kids.

There are no second chances with this...please ignore your DH and call 999.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche Please call an ambulance. He is not making safe choices. Both of you want the same thing, to grow old together, but he has lost sight of it in the stress and trauma of the situation. You don't need his permission when he's so unwell (and on opiates that cloud his judgment).

They shouldn't have agreed to discharge him; no one will be surprised that he's back.

Gosh what an absolute roller coaster. I don't understand at this point, why your DH wouldn't go in. Perhaps the meds are altering his thinking/making him very tired and unable to bear the thought of anything bar his own bed.