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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?

952 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/03/2022 13:12

Masses of confusion.

Husband spoke to GP yesterday morning and described his chest pain. He was advised to call an ambulance. My husband refused because he didn't think he needed one - thought he had chest infection or torn muscle.

He went to A&E - was sat in a corridor from 10.30am - he had ecg, x ray and blood test. He continued to sit on a chair in the corridor all day.

He was told he was waiting for blood test results. These came back at 6pm. Then he had to wait for a CT scan - then rushed to resus.

Dissected aorta from heart level to naval level.

I was called to be allowed to sit with him because I wasn't allowed to be in A&E. Was then told he was being blue lighted to another hospital an hour away for immediate surgery. I asked is this time critical? The answer was - yes life saving.

Paramedics arrived and told me to set off to this other hospital. There were three paramedics. One said 'I'm not taking him because I can't use that bit of kit, I'll lose my job if something goes wrong'. No advanced paramedics available and no doctor available to go in the transfer.

I was 15 min into the journey and then called back to the hospital.

No surgery.

Trying all day today to get him transferred. Nothing available.

He's critically ill.

I'm out of my mind with worry.

There's a saying about not being ill on the weekend. The standard of care is not the same. The 24hr cover appears to not exist.

I feel like we're being fobbed off with poor excuses big style.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Gazelda · 27/03/2022 09:15

So pleased he's in H2. I hope you are grabbing some rest now.

coldfeetmama · 27/03/2022 09:27

Best of luck to your DH , please look after yourself now he is in the right place

Even if you don't feel like it - a nice bath , something light to eat and keep hydrated

Bit of fresh air , short walk

May sound silly but you really do need to keep yourself well and as relaxed as you can

We are all with you wishing him well 💐

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/03/2022 09:30

@Mindymomo

It's so worrying - it's hit me like a brick wall. Suddenly I've realised that we've aged.

What were your husband's symptoms (if you don't mind me asking)?

Was is abnormal rhythm or pain?

My FIL had a racing heart and some failed ablation treatments.

My father in law had a valve replaced recently. Big operation - in hospital just over two weeks. He was 79, just turned 80 now. (My husband's parents were very young when they had him - 18/20 yrs old.) He's in Spain at the moment but ringing me regularly for updates. He's very positive that his son is going to be fine. Which is lovely because when I found out the length of the defect I felt faint.

He's having his scan now - maybe done by now. (Edit: most definitely over by now, I seem to be writing my life story.)

There's only one named visitor allowed for the duration of his stay. No one can go for first 48 hrs which is pretty rubbish.

His blood pressure is very high this morning and his pain is now from his shoulder blade to his pelvis.

We were pondering whether it could be trapped wind which gave us a bit of a giggle and I felt bad for laughing in ICU. Then we had another giggle about these cylindrical massive tube things on his legs which have huge pipes coming out of them at the bottom of the bed which go into some grey machinery on the floor. Again, feeling bad now because we were trying to stifle hysterical sniggering. We've always had a chuckle at the absurd - I don't think it was appropriate but thinking about it, it's now made a lovely memory for me which I'll remember for ever. (I wanted to take a photo of the leg tubes so our children could have a laugh but then I suddenly felt so sorry for my husband so I didn't.). Last night, I think we found a piece of each other that has become hidden over the years and it emphasised again that we've somehow lost a lot of youth. All very bitter sweet.

I think I have a habit of needing to laugh in inappropriate situations - it must be emotion bursting to escape. I once burst out laughing during quite a solemn part of a wedding ceremony (catholic one which seemed to go on for hours) suddenly the priest rang a small bell and I whispered 'Noel's house party' to my husband and we practically collapsed with stifled laughter. Noel Edmunds had a tv show in which a bell rang and there would be a celebrity arriving at his tv house in Crinkly Bottom.

Any way I've been thinking far too much and now feel a bit morbid so I'll sort myself out and take my older daughter, who is a single mum, her presents from the children for Mother's Day.

I'm rambling - apologies.

I've spent too much time on my own now (feels a lot longer than two days) - my future suddenly looks to have changed.

Anyone reading please LIVE and squeeze lots of pleasure out of every drop of life. I just seem to think it's something I've forgotten to do. I meant to but it seems to have escaped me.

Sorry - morbid again.

It's my granddaughter's second birthday today - her party was planned for yesterday so it didn't clash with Mother's Day. It was cancelled - I feel so crap. Her mum (my youngest daughter) is having twins. They live 5/7 min drive away from where my husband is now. I'm an hour's drive away (with no traffic and a good wind).

I'll stop now.

OP posts:
KateTheEighth · 27/03/2022 09:41

I have nothing to add other than to send you love and good wishes Thanks

Velvian · 27/03/2022 09:50

I hope you have a good time catching up with your daughter and granddaughter today @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche. I'm sure it will be really good for you to see each other.

Thinking of you and your DH. Your Noel's House Party story made me LOL. I have exactly the same inappropriate laughter problem. Flowers

Goodbyetowinter · 27/03/2022 09:59

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche I'm following you as we are of an age when these horrible things can happen. I'm hugging DH extra tight. My friend's DH had successful surgery for an AAA this week and she encouraged me to get my DH scanned, luckily his aorta was fine. I can relate as I recently had to call the ambulance in the night when DH collapsed with severe chest pain. No diagnosis made and sent home. He's not his old self though. My youngest has twins. They have brought so much joy to our lives despite arriving very prematurely. I hope your DH comes through fine to enjoy his twin grandchildren.

ItWillBeDone · 27/03/2022 10:13

It's so good to hear he's finally been transferred. There are some amazing heart surgeons in the more specialised units. It's lovely you're finding things to laugh at together too. Do you know why they won't allow visitors? Is it covid related?

SouperNoodle · 27/03/2022 10:23

Sending you the biggest hugs today.
Happy Mother's Day OP. Go and hug your children and let them take care of you for a little bit. Xxx

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/03/2022 10:26

💐

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/03/2022 10:27

@CornyAsACornyThing

I am so pleased that they recognised this as aortic dissection. My boss was sent home as having over exerted himself when his wasn't recognised. 45 he was. Recognising it makes all the difference in getting the treatment - hope he's on the mend soon.
Yes - I can see how this condition could be dismissed. It's frightening.

We had no idea this was round the corner.

He thought he was bothering doctors unnecessarily.

We thought torn muscle or at worst pneumonia.

He drove himself to hospital - wouldn't allow our son to take him.

I had to drive our son to the hospital to retrieve his car. We asked if he could see his father while he was there and they allowed him in.

We had to wear an apron and a visor over a face mask.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/03/2022 10:31

@ItWillBeDone

It's so good to hear he's finally been transferred. There are some amazing heart surgeons in the more specialised units. It's lovely you're finding things to laugh at together too. Do you know why they won't allow visitors? Is it covid related?
I'm assuming the 48 hr no visiting rule is some sort of covid buffer.

I have three adult children desperate to see their father (mainly his leg cylinders).

And only ever one named person? I'm torn between allowing my daughter to be the named person as she's so close to the hospital. But I want to visit ....

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 27/03/2022 10:38

Would it be an idea to stay with your daughter for a few days while he's in hospital?
That way you can be there within minutes if they need you to come in for whatever reason and you'll have some support through your daughter while you're going through this.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/03/2022 10:42

VERY pleased for you that hospital no.2 seems to be getting everything sorted.
I agree it might be an idea for you to crash at the DD's house if possible, who lives close to the hospital - would take some of the strain off you, especially if your nose bleeds again, or hasn't stopped (could potentially indicate a high blood pressure)

Thanks
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/03/2022 10:50

@SouperNoodle

Yes - they've offered. Good in theory but not in practice.

I have an older daughter who lives 5 min from me. I have her children three days a week then my other daughter's child two days. Then vice versa the following week. I look after my four grandchildren while their mum's work.

I can stay over near H2 for chunks of time but not yet. I have to be home based until at least Wednesday this week.

My son has offered to finish work early to look after the children from 4 o'clock so I can rush off for a later visit.

Son in law can finish early also, to allow me a visit.

I also work from home in the evenings - I'm worried about falling behind with work.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/03/2022 10:55

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

VERY pleased for you that hospital no.2 seems to be getting everything sorted. I agree it might be an idea for you to crash at the DD's house if possible, who lives close to the hospital - would take some of the strain off you, especially if your nose bleeds again, or hasn't stopped (could potentially indicate a high blood pressure)

Thanks

Yes - I have high blood pressure. I've been trying to hold off starting beta blockers - they make me feel spaced out. Was prescribed them for migraines - they worked immediately but I couldn't get used to feeling 'spacey'.

I have to take my blood pressure twice a day to inform doctors if it stays high for more than a few days. I thinking I need the drugs now - I'm fighting a losing battle.

Just feel absolutely dreadful today. I daren't take my blood pressure. I know I'm high - my heart is beating out of my chest I'm so scared.

OP posts:
Velvian · 27/03/2022 11:10

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche, you need to take the week off work and not look after your GC this week. Your DC's employers will have to be understanding that their dad is seriously ill at the moment.

RoomOfRequirement · 27/03/2022 11:12

Oh, OP. I'm sending so much love to you and your family. Please look after yourself too.

And FYI the leg cylinders are are prevent DVTs, and yes they are fun Grin

Peppapigforlife · 27/03/2022 11:12

Don't worry about falling behind with work. Do as your previous post said and LIVE. Go and be the one to visit your hubby and make more happy memories xx

stonebrambleboy · 27/03/2022 11:13

Dear me, all that childcare, evening work and now this stress on top. You're not superwoman. Please look after yourself, sending you hugs xx

fgodl · 27/03/2022 11:18

[quote Velvian]@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche, you need to take the week off work and not look after your GC this week. Your DC's employers will have to be understanding that their dad is seriously ill at the moment.[/quote]
This!!

This is not a normal week OP. You should be available and if that means the DGCs parents taking time off then so be it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/03/2022 11:20

Oh bless you, @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche - I think it would be a good idea to maybe start taking the blood pressure tablets again then, as the stress will have had an impact on your already high BP.
I know it's not ideal and they can make you feel quite spaced, as you said, but better that than you ending up in hospital as well with extreme BP, or an unstoppable nosebleed, or worse!

I really hope your DH is operated on successfully very soon to at least take that strain off you Thanks

EmmaH2022 · 27/03/2022 11:40

Hi again OP

At one point of my dad's illness my blood pressure went very very high. I joked about keeling over in the hospital but then sister gave me a Look and I realised it was a genuine possibility.

So I took pills - no odd feelings because at that point my BP was so high! 190 over something. So don't worry about being spaced out. That's not likely and adrenaline would stop that happening anyway.

All good wishes to you all Flowers

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/03/2022 11:40

[quote Velvian]@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche, you need to take the week off work and not look after your GC this week. Your DC's employers will have to be understanding that their dad is seriously ill at the moment.[/quote]
I'm thinking if I carry on as normal then things will be normal.

I'm feeling a bit paralysed at the mo. Like everything has been suspended.

But I can hear life carrying on outside as normal. So I'll be normal tomorrow.

OP posts:
VeryMuchFlaggingMinty · 27/03/2022 11:54

Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do...it's sounds like your family are lovely and will rally round.

Once things are more on an even keel, can I gently suggest your son gets checked out as aorta issues can have a hereditary element. I was loathe to say anything as I'm sure you're worried enough now but since you mentioned your FIL having a similar problem thought it was worth mentioning.

It's very easy to detect and treat issues and there is a great charity than advise and support with the process.

www.c-r-y.org.uk/

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/03/2022 12:18

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty

Well it's funny you should say that. My daughters have been diagnosed with EDS - connective tissue disorder. (Only just but that's another epic story. It had serious implications in their pregnancies.)

I asked a doctor on Friday if it could come from father's side as we've obviously passed it on to them and could it be related to what's happening now. He said yes - distinct possibility. I've suspected my son has eds because he's already had several hernia repairs and his knees are agony/dislocate regularly. My husband has also had hernia repairs. We suspect at least three out of four grandchildren also have this disorder. (One wears a helmet because he has hypotonia.). EDS?Apparently doctors aren't prepared to 'label' children, i.e. diagnose them. But this is absolutely vital to know - especially with regards to hospital procedures and probability of future illnesses.

The doctor said you all need genetic testing - I said I've been asking for that for 30 yrs - no one listens. No one is interested.

OP posts: