Is there such a thing as overstimulation (kids)

[Toyrus]

DD 4.5 is very social and loves activities/nursery. She is going to nursery 4 half days and one full day a week. 3 other afternoons she is doing classes. I should add that she is the one asking for all these additional activities, if it was for me I'd keep her home for the afternoon or just take her to the local playground. On top of this we manage to squeeze about 3 play dates a week, sometimes 4, as she has a lot of friends who want to see her.

Lately she's becoming a bit withdrawn, her speech has regressed a bit and she finds it harder to form long sentences. I have some concerns about her behaviour too, seems a bit odd the way she interacts with her friends.

DH thinks this is because she is too tired and over stimulated. But I know he says that partly because we are always out and he feels a bit lonely and neglected (he works from home). Is there such a thing as overstimulatiom having a negative impact on children? I mean she doesn't do much academic stuff, it's mainly play...and classes are sports and drama.

Yes. I believe there is. Particularly at that age when everything at school is new too. They become shattered in a way that a good night’s sleep doesn’t quite solve. Don’t get me wrong, where that point is varies wildly between children but mine certainly can become like that, even my 9 year old still has moments.

Sorry, just reread and realised she’s still at nursery. I wouldn’t change the main thrust of my post though. And next year it’ll be worse, sorry.

@DelurkingAJ yes, she is starting school in Sept.

This has just happened lately. For a long time she was fine, she never seems tired, at least not mentally. But I'm wondering if it got to her now, she does seem to sleep longer at night too.

I believe so. I think there is a lot of value in kids just doing... not much. Whole days just playing in the garden or with her own toys, following parents around and helping with a bit of laundry, maybe little walk to the shop... All relaxing, cosy stuff.

Each child is different and needs different things but if she is struggling a bit then trying to do a little less may be worth a try. For my children I find having some down time to do not very much is helpful. It also gives them time to just use their imagination and see what they want to do, that may be watching TV whilst eating snacks or or maybe constructing a dinosaur farm throughout the house, but it is there time to relax and see what they want to do.

With a schedule like that they're isn't much time when she isn't socially 'on' and kids really benefit from quiet self contained play where you often see them acting out those times with companions, it's all part of them processing it.
I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss your dh's theory just because he would also benefit from things getting dialled down. I would be very cross if my dh did that without at least testing the idea.
If I was in your position I would reduce things which are commitments outside the family, build in some quiet times for her, that might be gentle home based activities or a nature walk with mum and dad, whatever. Do it for a month of two and see how everything is at the end. Then at least you can discuss the difference between you with more than just guesses to go on.

I think that's a huge amount for a small child to be doing. All the play dates means she needs to remember names/games/personalities of her friends. She also has a lot of stimulation at nursery although this will be more structured. The additional classes/groups would be the tipping point for me.

I'd cut back to keep nursery as it is, 1-2 play dates a week and 1 activity a week or 2 if including weekends. She needs quiet time, alone, to have some down time. This could be drawing/jigsaws/screen time, where she's not having to interact with other people all the while

I think so.

It depends on the child of course, but for my DS, who is nearly 6, there is a balance to be struck between school, activities, seeing family and friends and him needing downtime at home.

We can tell when he needs a quiet weekend day or afternoon where he just potters about at home.

It was of course two years ago now, but lockdown 1 really benefitted DS, who turned 4 during it. He was chronically over tired and his sleep wasn't good. The slow pace of lockdown meant he 'caught up', he seems to enjoy just being at home, and he became a good sleeper since. I wouldn't wish a lockdown on any of us but it was one unexpected plus for us.

Wow thats way too much for her to be doing. Start cutting it back now in preparation for school. She'll be burnt out the poor thing. Get her checked by the GP just in case too.

This is the age when kids tend to disappear from nursery to other schools, so the regression and insistance on play dates might be her way of clinging to her friends / a result of her playing with younger kids at nursery. In your position I would talk to the nursery and find out how she is there, who she’s playing with, and ask them to steer her towards kids her age.

Thank you everyone, I'm taking everything on board and I think you are most probably right.

I just followed DD's lead. She has been asking for these classes, we did a few trials and she loved them so we carried on. Then she's got about 6 friends whom she wants to meet regularly so we make some time for that. It's just been creeping up slowly to the point that she barely has any down time.

Is she doing nursery, class and playdate in one day? It is a lot.

I'd aim for one quiet day a week with no plans as a minimum. Especially with school in a few months, she will need a weekend day to relax.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves yes, for instance on Tue she goes to preschool until 11:45, then lunch, then 1:45 gymnastics for 45 mins and after that she has a play date with a friend from gymnastics until 4 pm. Obviously this is not every day. Mon she has no classes so we have just a play date for 1.5 hrs.

I do think children need some time just to be. To sit and watch TV or look at books, to nap or have a cuddle. Time to indulge in some imaginative play. Time to learn how to entertain themselves. You are filling her time with organised activity, including playdates. I'd cut down to just nursery and one playdate every couple of weeks. You can always re-evaluate it after a month or so.

At 4, she may know what she wants, but not what she needs. It's great that she embraces new activities and friends and wants to do them, but she's too little to understand the cumulative effect on her.

My 9 year old DS can have a weekend full of activities that he loves and have a brilliant time, but then on Sunday evening he'll complain he didn't have any quiet time at home to just play. But a 4 year old doesn't have that self awareness.

Have you asked her nursery if they've noticed anything?
With the speaking - is it all the time? Even in the mornings or later on in the day?
What do you mean odd behaviour with friends? Can you give an example?

Yes! My dd wanted to do ALL the activities and ALL the play dates. She was completely over scheduled. She was a lot happier when we seriously cut back on activities and just hung out at home for a good chunk of time.

I think it’s important to teach kids to have down time as much as having opportunity for lots of activities. Kids really benefit from being bored, making their own play and simply resting - it gives them space to process everything they’re learning at that age. Cut back a bit, have some down time at home and see how she gets on.

@Poppy92r I'll ask nursery at the next parents meeting end of Apr. I don't expect they noticed much as she is not very vocal at nursery. She is quietly confident and only recently they told me they were really pleasantly surprised at how articulate and confident she was when talking to her class about her half term trip to the sea side. They probably haven't heard much from her before.

On Tue she was having a play date with her friend from gymnastics, a boy who loves her and can't wait to see her every week. He is bright and very well behaved. She pulled away from him in the playground and didn't play with him until he left at 4 pm. She said he did something which I didn't see and I suspect she made it up and found an excuse to ignore him. That's never happened before as she does like him a lot too. Also did the same with another friend a few days before, after begging me to arrange a play date with her.

With the speaking, it's at different times of the day, morning, afternoon etc.

She's not very good at playing alone, so we have to entertain her if we stay home. Being out is the easier option most of the time. Plus when she does classes I have some time to myself.

Just collected her from nursery now and she says she is so bored. She has a class at 4 and can't wait to go.

You have to let kids be bored and learn how to entertain themselves. That's part of their learning development.

She's used to being stimulated, so time at home will probably feel quite "boring". This doesn't mean this isn't what she needs.

My kids (5 & 2) are like this they get so tired but won't just play or do an activity by themselves for even 2 seconds. So I have to be the entertainer or tell them what to get out or manage it. That is exhausting too. So it's easy to try to fill the time.

They love TV 📺 will she sit and chill out watching something?

@pawcontrol she does enjoy watching TV, but we keep it to 45 mins a day, max 1 hour.