Is there such a thing as overstimulation (kids)

[Toyrus]

DD 4.5 is very social and loves activities/nursery. She is going to nursery 4 half days and one full day a week. 3 other afternoons she is doing classes. I should add that she is the one asking for all these additional activities, if it was for me I'd keep her home for the afternoon or just take her to the local playground. On top of this we manage to squeeze about 3 play dates a week, sometimes 4, as she has a lot of friends who want to see her.

Lately she's becoming a bit withdrawn, her speech has regressed a bit and she finds it harder to form long sentences. I have some concerns about her behaviour too, seems a bit odd the way she interacts with her friends.

DH thinks this is because she is too tired and over stimulated. But I know he says that partly because we are always out and he feels a bit lonely and neglected (he works from home). Is there such a thing as overstimulatiom having a negative impact on children? I mean she doesn't do much academic stuff, it's mainly play...and classes are sports and drama.

That doesn’t sound like an overstimulated response, I think something else is going on.

Overstimulated children get hyper, burst into tears, have tantrums, basically erupt.

Speech and behavioural stuff, that’s a different kettle of fish entirely. Some quiet gentles chats to see what’s going on are in order.

What exactly do you mean re her speech? Baby talk/whinging is really common on and off through young childhood. Is it just that?

She does need to have plenty of time at home playing alone. By 4.5 a child should be really good at that.

She needs some downtime. I'd cut back on the classes tbh and let her free play at home. Or dare I say it, watch a film on the telly one afternoon. At this age they really need time to potter around the house, learning to play independently at home by themselves and get lost in their imagination/games.

I did take everything on board and gave DD a break. Went to the sea side for 2 days and kept her off nursery on Mon. She had a lovely time at the beach and a playground and I saw her so so happy again. This week she is having less activities and playdates as some kids are on holidays and some classes shut and I can see the change. Today we read books and did some crafts after nursery, then we came to the playground and she enjoyed not playing with anyone, we did pretend games and she built things from sticks and leaves. She had a big smile on her face, such a difference.

Going back to my OP, I don't think she is necessarily over stimulated but she does do a lot and coupled with the fact that she has been a bit physically sick on and off lately, this hasn't helped. Going forward, we will keep the current activities, but I'll cut down on playdates and give her more time at home and free play outside.

No idea what's causing your daughter's recent behaviour change.

But yes, kids can be over stimulated. They need time to wind down like anyone does. But especially time to feel bored and use their imagination. To think and slow down. My nearly 4 year old does no activities outside of nursery. We go for walks, to parks, playdates, see family. But also generally have one day a week at least just at home chilling.

Not saying no activities is ideal, I guess there's a balance to be had.

@SpiderVersed

That doesn’t sound like an overstimulated response, I think something else is going on.

Overstimulated children get hyper, burst into tears, have tantrums, basically erupt.

Speech and behavioural stuff, that’s a different kettle of fish entirely. Some quiet gentles chats to see what’s going on are in order.

I don’t think there’s a one size fits all response to over stimulation. My dd can get over stimulated and basically stops and tries to block everything out. She can also go the other way and get over excited and have a more dramatic response. They’re both stress responses to different types of stress.

She's not very good at playing alone, so we have to entertain her if we stay home

This jumps up at me as a red flag. It's an important skill for children to learn to occupy themselves and fill their own time a little. If everything is constantly scheduled to entertain them they don't develop the ability to self entertain.

And yes its 100% possible to overstimulate. Children that age need plenty of time curled up listening to stories, sitting colouring or drawing, or just playing in the garden or at home with duplo etc.

That trip sounds idyllic @Toyrus. I’m glad you saw a positive result for your dd. Half the battle is identifying what you can actually do to support your dc.

What jumps out at me here is how involved you, the parent, seems to be at all times.

You absolutely need to let them play alone. And if that means piling rocks up or whatever, that's perfect.

This 'pottering' is a huge contributor to child mental health. It seems like useless activities, but they are actually vital.

@Cornettoninja it was, just a simple 2 day trip which benefited us all. I'm so glad I posted on here, it gave me a lot to think about.

Thank you everyone!

There is no such thing as a child who is "not good" at playing alone - it just means their parents haven't enabled them to do so. It's a habit that you have to encourage, best started from birth but can be introduced later - you just have to be prepared for initial resistance and hold the line. It is incredibly beneficial for the developing brain.

@Chonfox I agree with what you are saying but we haven't cracked that code yet. She's always been like that, I remember waking up in the morning when she was about 18-19 months and first thing she would bring me 5 books to read. After 5 books she'd want more, I'd have to keep her on my lap unable to prepare breakfast or anything. Always bringing different crafts for us to make for her, any refusal would cause a massive tantrum.

We had a quiet day at home today and honestly feel it's so much easier to be out. She is happier and I'm happier. She just would not play alone. She's found some crafts that I bought for her and she asked me and DH to make those things for her. I can't even send an email or take a call without her being on my case. I feel exhausted! When we are out she is quite independent and doesn't demand my attention. Over the years I've actively tried to redirect her to activities that she can do alone at home, but it never worked. I'm open to suggestions! She used to go to a Montessori nursery which encouraged independence but I never saw any change in that respect.

I'm taking a 10 min break whilst DH is getting her ready for bed and I can hear her calling me already. Sigh