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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Can't afford to work

385 replies

MissRja · 25/03/2022 09:45

Just trying to work out a return to work after having a baby In December ( also have a 4 year old in full time school ) unfortunately, my original plans for childcare have fell through, which now means we are looking at paid childcare. My current job have declined My flexible working request , which means I am looking for another job. Due to school pick up/ drops offs I am looking returning on reduced hours over 5 days or term time only. Have worked our I will be bringing home roughly £1200 after tax per month. Nursery fees will be £1100 for a four week month, or £1375 for a 5 week month. This does not include before / after school club fees. If I was to use my wages alone to pay childcare fees I would actually be losing money to work , especially when factoring in petrol , work clothes etc. Surely this can't be right. How in this day and age can I not afford to go to work !! Its ridiculous. The whole reason I am going back is because we can't afford to live off DP wages alone , but it doesn't seem like it will make a difference if i do go back to work. Am i missing something here ? What does everyone else do to work around this ? Would love to hear your experiences / advice !!

OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 25/03/2022 16:37

@BlueOverYellow

Your husband should be paying for childcare expenses proportionally to what you're paying.

Keep you hand in the professional job market if you can.

Again!!!! Even if he does they still can't afford it... Are people being deliberately stupid in the name of feminism or do they genuinely not understand how ops husband paying doesn't make a shiny shit of difference?
Twiglets1 · 25/03/2022 16:37

It's a common problem for people who don't have free childcare from relatives. It often does not make much sense to return to work purely in a financial sense though I did it on a part time basis when my children were small more for my sanity than anything else. Obviously it becomes easier as they get older but right now it may not be worth it unless working would be beneficial for your emotional health.

LabelMaker · 25/03/2022 16:41

Again!!!! Even if he does they still can't afford it... Are people being deliberately stupid in the name of feminism or do they genuinely not understand how ops husband paying doesn't make a shiny shit of difference?

It absolutely does. OP will get pension contributions if she works. And her use of DP instead of DH suggests they aren't married so she's owed very little if he decides he's had enough.

Rosehugger · 25/03/2022 16:49

Yes yes yes it comes out of both salaries but on those figures I would not be working, with all the hassle and expense that brings, for a few quid to put in the family pot. Nor does it mean OP will be a SAHP for years and years.

It just means she may need to find a different job or way of working. While the kids were small initially I went back to my previous jobs, as I was the higher earner and earned well above the cost of childcare but after a massive burn out I worked for myself for a bit, did interim work, and changed my approach.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/03/2022 16:49

It absolutely does. OP will get pension contributions if she works. And her use of DP instead of DH suggests they aren't married so she's owed very little if he decides he's had enough pointless point if collectively they have no money left at the end of the month, or can’t reach the end of the month. OP can get NI points from her child benefit-
I work near on full time and have opted out of my pension because life is so fucking expensive at the moment.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 25/03/2022 16:52

@LabelMaker

Again!!!! Even if he does they still can't afford it... Are people being deliberately stupid in the name of feminism or do they genuinely not understand how ops husband paying doesn't make a shiny shit of difference?

It absolutely does. OP will get pension contributions if she works. And her use of DP instead of DH suggests they aren't married so she's owed very little if he decides he's had enough.

None of that helps her pay the bills right now though, does it?
LabelMaker · 25/03/2022 17:00

None of that helps her pay the bills right now though, does it? no but it does make a shiny shit of a difference

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/03/2022 17:01

@BlueOverYellow

Should OP be contributing to the mortgage, council tax, utilities, food, phones, car insurance?

Bahhhhhumbug · 25/03/2022 17:05

I could sympathise till l saw you have a dp. I used to work evenings or nights or their dad used work nights and l did days until children old enough be left alone for a few hours or make their own way to and from school etc. Then we eventually both reverted to day shifts to have more time all together

RetireReady · 25/03/2022 17:14

@OnlyFoolsnMothers although you are not contributing, is your employer still contributing or have you lost that too because of your withdrawal from scheme? Pension contributions are not included in your 'income' when calculating UC entitlement (afaik although I'm sure there are benefits people who will quickly correct me if I'm wrong).

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/03/2022 17:20

[quote RetireReady]@OnlyFoolsnMothers although you are not contributing, is your employer still contributing or have you lost that too because of your withdrawal from scheme? Pension contributions are not included in your 'income' when calculating UC entitlement (afaik although I'm sure there are benefits people who will quickly correct me if I'm wrong).[/quote]
No my employer doesn’t contribute it I don’t. And I earn way too much for UC!

Dixiechickonhols · 25/03/2022 17:31

If they can’t afford it then he needs to look at his work set up. He’s self employed he could easily cut hours or days or work weekends etc. Or get an employed stable job where he can drop off or pick up. He’s not earning much but working long unpredictable hours so unable to drop off or collect. If he’s not making enough to cover nursery and after school he could clock off at 3.
Op is considering solutions which are only detrimental to her. I know I keep going on about it but she’s legally single and needs to look out for her own future she’s got no safety net.

felulageller · 25/03/2022 17:35

If DP is self employed that is even more reason for him to adapt his working hours around his DC's! Does he expect to have DC's and his life not to change at all?!?
He can do evenings/ weekends and make himself available otherwise you'd be better splitting then you can claim 85% childcare with UC as a single parent. (Plus you are free to work when he has contact)

LemonDrizzles · 25/03/2022 17:36

@Tidlo

Are you including the childcare tax allowance in your costings? You get 20% off childcare costs per year up to a maximum of £2k.

In terms of 'losing money to work' are you factoring in pensions, holiday, sick pay, career progression?

This.

Plus look at childminder who do pickup. Childminder are less than nurseries and may give sibling discounts

RowanAlong · 25/03/2022 17:37

If you’re looking to retrain, could you stay at home til the baby is preschool age then start the training?

Dixiechickonhols · 25/03/2022 17:39

Onlyfools I’m sure you’ve checked but you’ve reminded me of a recent post where someone (nurse) was contemplating opting out of pension due to childcare costs and it transpired she lost all her death in service benefits if she did this which she hadn’t realised. Obviously all schemes are different.

ilovechocolate07 · 25/03/2022 17:40

It is ridiculous and unfortunately it's nothing new. Was the same when I had my 15 year old. I chose to take time out to be a SAHM when he was 2 as I was missing out on so much for roughly £200 disposable per month after paying out.

skodadoda · 25/03/2022 17:42

@2DogsOnMySofa

I know this was a few years ago, but I was able to claim 70% of all childcare back, as long as the childcare provider was ofsted registered via benefits

Are you a single parent?

She mentions DP
ancientgran · 25/03/2022 17:51

@NameChChChChanges1

Your calculation is wrong (unless you're a single parent). 50% of childcare costs should come from your salary & 50% from your partner's
That still means that as a family they are losing money by both working.
ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 25/03/2022 17:56

I ended up taking a job that was nights/weekends to help this and moved into another part of my organisation when my youngest was in school. Unfortunately the holidays are going to sting us childcare wise but it means we now have every weekend together.

Have a look at NHS jobs. Lots of band 2’s etc will only work unsociable hours and although the basic wage is awful the enhancements are good

Shinyandnew1 · 25/03/2022 17:56

If you are going to give up work completely and be entirely dependent on your boyfriend/partner, then I would definitely want to get married.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 25/03/2022 18:04

@LabelMaker

None of that helps her pay the bills right now though, does it? no but it does make a shiny shit of a difference
It doesn't make them able to afford it, which is quite clearly what I meant. Hth.
Morgandetoi · 25/03/2022 18:11

Just want to make sure OP that you know if your OH is self employed you can claim expenses every month when you are claiming UC fuel etc.

katepilar · 25/03/2022 18:19

If its not your career that pushes you back to work, you could perhaps find a litle part time job, perhaps a WFH job that you could do as and when it suits when your partner is around or children are asleep? That could bring in some money without having to pay for childcare.

sleezeandwineparty · 25/03/2022 18:22

Most people claim it's not worth paying to go to work but I did, for 3 years until the payments dropped I never got any free childcare, but because I kept working, now they are 16 I have an income of roughly 60,000 a year which I would not have had if I had stopped working for 4 or 5 years. It would have been a miserable existence as I would have still not had any money but 3 of us would have been stuck together at home.
The only time I can see it being viable is if you have the sort of job which does not require experience to do when you go back.