how to respond to a rude email?

[JenniferAlisonPhilipaSue]

How would you respond to a rude email from a colleague?

Said colleague has basically implied I'm thick, and haven't tried everything I actually have tried to solve the problem arising.

It just got my back up. There was no need for his tone.

I thought about replying "Thank you for your input" but not sure if that adequately conveys I think he's a cunt. I could ignore his email but that also lets him know that he can speak to me like that.

I'm just pissed off. What can I say or do?

He'd have to be thick not to recognise you're talking about him... albeit obliquely.

He's a guy with an ego complex. They can be remarkably un-self aware!

Surely the best response is the MN classic: “Did you mean to be so rude?”.

Agreed! I’m a head of department and my eyes would be rolling off the continent at some of these responses. It’s work, not top trumps about who can be the most witty and condescending.

Exactly.

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

Since I am 100% remote in an industry that remained 100% remote post pandemic, communication by email is all we have - consequently, I ignore tone and rudeness and I just squeeze out the facts and reply back with facts. It's just pixels on a screen. No emotion required.

I think this is spot on, as an approach.

Maybe a little passive aggressive but his email deserves to zero attention so I would respond as follows.

Dear x,

Thank you for your email.

I will give it the time and attention it deserves.

Kind Regards,
Y

I'd deliberately misunderstand and say "thanks for the offer of help, let me know when you've done it".

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Ask the question of somebody else (line manager? IT manager?) whilst forwarding the response as part of the chain.

So what's seen is something along the lines of

Dear Manager,

This is the problem
These are the things I have already done with x result
Could you assist with a solution/advice? as this prick isn't being any help

Twat's email to you
Your original contact

At the same time, reply to twat separately with the original universal statement of office contempt;

'Noted'.

By the way, I clearly need a new pair of glasses, as I was sure the thread title was 'How to respond to a rude snail'. Does visualising twat as a shell carrying gastropod make you feel any better?

This, it’s perfect. Whether you reply to him or forward The chain to someone else, it’s critics he see his email in a chain wiht other people on it so knows you aren’t going to help cover up how he addresses people.

I have getting a work email like this. In my experience, it's better to stay calm and either send a short, factual reply or ignore it.

A few times, I've replied with (mild) emotion and then regretted it. You get a few seconds of satisfaction and then have to live with the consequences.

Tell your story, then ask him how you can improve the communication between you so that it doesn’t happen again.

Nope. Absolutely not. This is his problem not OP’s. Forget the “I” it was all about what he did.

I’d respond with “obviously, I have tried all those things” and not give shit about being rude.

Agreed! I’m a head of department and my eyes would be rolling off the continent at some of these responses.

How would you deal with the twat who sent the email?

As head of department if my staff responded to a twattish email with a comeback, I’d be behind them 100%. I don’t expect my staff to be treated badly and put up with that kind of bullshit.

@JenniferAlisonPhilipaSue

snippet of his email:

"if you had asked your manager [name], he would have told you....'

Said manager, and numerous other people said to ask rude guy.

Manager now on leave though.

I would reply, the manager and other colleagues advised to me ask you, thinking you may be more knowledgeable but I guess not. 🤣🤣 but that just me.

I had something similar today OP

I sent a carefully considered reply stating facts (having made sure I have the correct info and ability to back this up) and cced the appropriate people in

Calm, considered and factual is the best way I find

In my case when similar happened I did reply all I did x y and z, I’ve gone through this in the working group meeting and it’s in the notes sent around, what i asked of you is ‘blabla ’ and yes I could take that on but you’d need to allocate triple the budget for me to bring two extra people on to do it, when it’s your area and you’d need to review it anyway.
Then I called later to one to one nicely apologise for the tone and keep the relationship alive, I didn’t do that in email because I was happy to leave the email evidence at I do my job;suggest you do yours and don’t fuck with me.

*Hi X,

Yes, those are the obvious solutions. Unfortunately none of them worked, or we wouldn’t be emailing about it.

Best,*

This is perfect - use this one!

Absolutely best to draft a response immediately, then leave it until the day after and re-read. I always do this to arseholes so I can get the anger out without actually sending it, and can re-write as appropriate.

Unfortunately this didn't work out so well on Tuesday as twat not-my-manager suggested in our internal chat system that I might want to "practice running reports" (which I have been doing for the last 16 years) and my response was "hahahahahahaha". Not exactly professional but I am so over being mansplained to by this arsehole that I had had enough.

Anyway don't do that!

Dear Rude Person,
Manager X specifically requested that I contact you for assistance with “XYZ”. I have sent “Manager X” a copy of your email as evidence to show why I couldn’t complete “XYZ” in a timely manner. This also provides evidence of your rude and dismissive attitude towards other team members and your unwillingness to step up for the benefit of the company.
As “Manager X” is away, I have sent this with a copy of “Manager X’s” request to contact you if I need assistance to “Managers Y & Z” requesting further assistance.
@JenniferAlisonPhilipaSue

I have written:

"for clarity, I have spoken to all of these people without success and [manager] had suggested I speak to [dick's manager] or her team. I will let them know that you could not help. Thank you for your input".

(dick's manager is also on leave hence why I asked dick)

I like your reply.
I was coming on to say whatever you reply, sarcastic, professional, petty, whatever - don't apologise. Don't use the word sorry.

I actually LOVE "i will let them know that you could not help"

Short and to the point answers are always the answer here and the word "sorry" or similar should not be used.

Sounds good OP. And breathe.

Nice

Let us know if you have a narky little response!

Very nicely done op!

I'm surprised nobody suggested 'did you mean to be so rude?' with a head tilt emoji 🤔 😄

@BoredZelda

Agreed! I’m a head of department and my eyes would be rolling off the continent at some of these responses.

How would you deal with the twat who sent the email?

As head of department if my staff responded to a twattish email with a comeback, I’d be behind them 100%. I don’t expect my staff to be treated badly and put up with that kind of bullshit.

I wouldn’t “deal” with the twat at all, if I had to get involved every time someone said something that someone else didn’t like then I wouldn’t get very much done!

If it was brought to my attention I’d encourage the person who was offended to raise it with twat along the lines of “your email came across as condescending, please could we try and keep things polite and professional in future”. If it was a repeat offender then I’d be getting their manager to have a word about proper professional conduct. I certainly wouldn’t be getting involved in silly playground tit for tat.

You have replied so too late to act upon what I would have done, which would have been to ask if he would write the same thing to a man. I bet he would not.