how to respond to a rude email?

[JenniferAlisonPhilipaSue]

How would you respond to a rude email from a colleague?

Said colleague has basically implied I'm thick, and haven't tried everything I actually have tried to solve the problem arising.

It just got my back up. There was no need for his tone.

I thought about replying "Thank you for your input" but not sure if that adequately conveys I think he's a cunt. I could ignore his email but that also lets him know that he can speak to me like that.

I'm just pissed off. What can I say or do?

Hi xxxx

Apologies, my manager advised me to speak to yourself ref this. Clearly crossed wires in terms of your experience/knowledge in this area. I will make them aware so they don't mistakenly recommend your input in this area.

Kind regards

My daughter had to put up with this repeatedly from a mansplainer. She stayed professional in her responses but reported him every time to her manager, he was ‘let go’.
Copy your manager into any response. Don’t let it go as ‘difficult to get the tone right in an email’

These suggestions are terrible. Please don't send any of them.

Manager suggested asking you, I'll let them know that was a dead end.

Ah yeah of course I’ve spoken to [boss], it was he who suggested you might have some useful input🙂 not to worry, I’ll go back and see if he can re-route to someone more appropriate. Have a great weekend [you absolute cunt]

“Dear X. Bit surprised by the tone of your email. I did indeed ask [manager], who told me to speak to you. I’ve tried xyz already.

I once received a very rude email in similar circumstances and I politely replied saying something like “it was my manager who wanted me to ask about this but no worries, I’ll let them know it can’t be done”.

Got an instant email back backtracking furiously! I had a word with my manager anyway as I wasn’t being spoken to like that.

I often receive rude emails from a colleague. I never respond to them. No response is sometimes the best response.

I do send a reply when she’s polite to me. She’ll learn!

@SwelegantParty

Tell him that your manager suggested contacting him, but since he's obviously unable to assist, you'll let your manager know....

this.... but you might add "since you have been unable to suggest anything that I have not already tried, I will inform my manager that you are not able to help on this occasion. Perhaps you might suggest someone senior to yourself who has more knowledge and experience?

@Riverboatcaptain

Ah yeah of course I’ve spoken to [boss], it was he who suggested you might have some useful input🙂 not to worry, I’ll go back and see if he can re-route to someone more appropriate. Have a great weekend [you absolute cunt]

😂

X,

Thanks for keeping me updated on your thought process on this one.

When is back from leave, I’ll let her know she was mistaken and you’re not actually the person who has knowledge in this area.

Warmest regards,
Y

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave

These suggestions are terrible. Please don't send any of them.

Agreed! I’m a head of department and my eyes would be rolling off the continent at some of these responses. It’s work, not top trumps about who can be the most witty and condescending.

The best response is “apologies x but manager pointed me in your direction, please can you advise who is best to speak to?”

Let’s them know your manager is aware (and supportive) of you asking for assistance without stopping to their level of passive aggressive/pettiness

Should say “it lets them know” and “stooping”

But also, if someone had let me know that XYZ staff wasn’t the person to speak to I’d wonder why the hell they hadn’t taken the initiative and asked someone else!

All the passive aggressive responses. So funny. So British.

Dear Dickhead,

When would be a good time to meet in person/via video to discuss your response to my query?

Regards,
Notacunt

Or:

Dear Dickhead,

For clarity, it was manager who suggested I discuss with you. I shall therefore share your response with him/her.

Regards,
Notacunt.

Perhaps you might suggest someone senior to yourself…

Definitely don’t use the reflexive incorrectly, unless you’re a recruitment consultant or an estate agent, in which case (I believe) it’s practically compulsory.

Use the Gene Hunt method.....tell em to fuck off

@AlisonDonut

Aah so you reply 'manager thought you would be able to help so pointed me in your direction. Thanks for the info, I'll let manager know. Cheers.'

Absolutely! This is the winner for me.

@Piglet89

Perhaps you might suggest someone senior to yourself…

Definitely don’t use the reflexive incorrectly, unless you’re a recruitment consultant or an estate agent, in which case (I believe) it’s practically compulsory.

Or an investigating policeman.

Dickhead,

Thank you for your prompt reply.

It was x line manager who advised me to contact you.
They are now on holiday so progress on y task delayed until their return.

Is there a work around to this delay?
Please advise.

Rgds,
JAPS

Keep the tone brisk, tight & neutral.
Give the task back to them.
Don’t cc people in…for now.
Nobody reads cc msgs unless it directly involves their work.

If Dickhead doesn’t budge &/or is rude, then repeat the core msg of

TY for your prompt reply.
It is disappointing that the matter can not be resolved.
I will refer back to x line manager for their return from leave.

Rgds
JAPS

cc: x line manager.

Keep it brisk, neutral & to the point.
Yes, he’s an arse & doubtless everyone knows it as well.
Manage him through polite tight communication because you are the one who gets the job done & you have the email thread that shows this.

You can write him a rude sarky invective rebuke afterwards, just don’t do it in the email app or accidentally send it. Get it off your chest & delete the file.

Since I am 100% remote in an industry that remained 100% remote post pandemic, communication by email is all we have - consequently, I ignore tone and rudeness and I just squeeze out the facts and reply back with facts. It's just pixels on a screen. No emotion required.

It is really frustrating to get that sort of response from someone. But your response needs to be guided by what you need out of the situation.

If you actually need further input before your manager is back from their holiday and the only place to get it is RudeGuy then something along the lines of WhenDovesFly's response (perhaps without the "but that does not seem to be the case") would be best.

If this is a career rather than just a job for you then you should try to put his manner to one side and try and find a way forward. Working well with others (and I don't mean simply saying yes to every request) is a skill that's a huge asset if you can do it well. This is part of that. When your manager gets back you can find a way to let them know that RudeGuy is patronising but you worked around it.

If you already have another job lined up, or don't care and you aren't aiming for promotion or stellar performance reviews or contacts that might help in job searches in the future, you can not reply and just blast him in person to anyone you have that sort of relationship with or sending one of the more cutting "sorry, was given the impression you had more expertise than this" emails. Which will be momentarily sweet but isn't a good long term strategy.

"Well, quite. [Manager] in fact thought you might know.

Many thanks"

I'd ask for his help or advice regarding a colleague who p's you off and you think is a real c*.
Start by saying that, then go on to say that the colleague thinks you're not doing all you can and...then just leave and go back to your own desk. If he asks what you were going to say, tell him it doesn't matter as you've said enough.
He'd have to be thick not to recognise you're talking about him... albeit obliquely.

@CSIblonde

I'd go with "as my initial email stated, I have tried a b & c & was looking for any alternative , workable strategies. Thank you for your input.

This is a good reply. “As my initial email stated” sets the right tone and puts the condescending little mansplainer back in his place without being overtly rude.