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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you really fucking hate this

115 replies

suzysays · 24/03/2022 20:05

Lighthearted/daft one

When someone (Namely DH) catches a big spider in the house then on the way to throw it outside pretends to Chuck it at you.

I hate it, DH always does it and I hate it I lock myself in the bathroom until I know it's gone but even then he's kept it in a glass to show me at times. I'm not a huge wimp don't mind small/medium size spiders and can get rid of them around myself but tonight there was a fucking HUGE spider in the house. I'm talking the size of your palm (maybe light exaggeration but you get the idea) and he as always caught it then stood outside the door teasing me to come out as it had 'gone' while he stood there with the fucker in his hand!! Shock

Eurgh, men are so immature at times haha. Before anyone says LTB he's a fab husband and dad haha.

So aibu to find this annoying

Or

Does anyone else's husbands do this and you hate it!

OP posts:
godmum56 · 24/03/2022 21:27

My house is a home to all spiders because I HATE flies. My late DH was the spider hater so when he was alive I kept the house clear of them but it was me who did the spider removal.
but yes is really nasty to make fun of people's fears

Original poster
suzysays · 24/03/2022 21:32

@Lesperance

"He's a fab dad" blah blah blah, (why do people say this? it's like people who say "I'm not racist but", they always are racist) but perhaps not a very nice person?
But other than this he is?

Works hard, loves the kids, does bath and bedtime every night, great company and sense of humour.

I'm not phobic I don't love spiders but can deal with them but I'd rather not if it's huge although reading some of the comment I am so sorry for people who are as I can't imagine being in that position if I had a serious phobia.

I genuinely see it as DH seeing my weak spot and teasing me. He is otherwise very caring and protective.

I was actually on the phone to my dad just now and told him and he has rang him and told him off bless him.

Glad to see I'm not being unreasonable though

OP posts:
Beachsidesunset · 24/03/2022 21:42

Phil Jupitus put people who are not afraid of spiders into Room 101 - particularly when they catch one and pretend to throw it at you.

Wrongkindofovercoat · 24/03/2022 21:47

DH asked me who I was talking to the other day, whilst I was in the loo, I was talking to the massive spider I had saved from the bleached floor last week with toilet paper and a flick of the wrist, I was asking it not to bite me as I had saved its life, so it owed me, it was sitting on the wall less than a foot away from my bare legs.

PferdeMerde · 24/03/2022 21:48

Why are so many women scared of spiders?

floofyhouse · 24/03/2022 21:49

My ex used to do this to me. He thought it was funny. Asking him not to do it just made him enjoy it more. It was part of a pattern of emotional abuse that got worse with time. Note the “ex”.

Tdcp · 24/03/2022 21:56

Mine used to do this. I cried every time. I shouted at him last night and he hasn't done it since, luckily for him because I was ready to shank the fucker.

merryhouse · 24/03/2022 21:58

@PferdeMerde

Why are so many women scared of spiders?
Because they're roughly the same shape as and have a similar scuttling motion to crabs, which when you're bringing up your small children on a rocky seashore might well be looked upon as the most constant danger (to both children and you - especially if you're spending a lot of time sitting down, with no knickers on...)

Same idea as snakes and eels.

(I'm an adherent to the aquatic ape theory of human evolution)

Chikapu · 24/03/2022 22:00

My dad used to do this but my husband never has, he doesn't do things to deliberately scare me. He's many things but he's not a knob.

plominoagain · 24/03/2022 22:00

My now DH once gave me a mug which had a large spider in it , knowing that I hate them , as a joke … I looked down , and my reflex action was to immediately throw it as far away from me as I could . Missed his head by about an inch , and hit the wall behind him with sufficient force to reduce it to splinters . He has never , ever done it again , and he didn’t stop apologising for about a week .

Original poster
suzysays · 24/03/2022 22:03

I've just told him how much it pissed me off and terrified me and he said sorry He won't do it again.

I was an only child and a bit molly-coddled by mum and dad but he said life with 3 brothers was constantly teasing each other with things like this and he didn't realise I was as scared as I was.

OP posts:
Allelbowsandtoes · 24/03/2022 22:03

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

My dp did this ONCE and I cried (absolutely terrified).

Now he has an annoying habit of catching the spooky little pricks when I'm not there and then proceeding to tell me about it. Just don't tell me. I'd rather be none the wiser.

Spooky little pricks 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Twitterwhooooo · 24/03/2022 22:04

I am the only person in my house who isn't scared of spiders and I would NEVER mock or torment someone for their fears like this.

Couchbettato · 24/03/2022 22:06

I don't have a spider phobia. I have a being-blocked-in-a-room-with-a-spider-intentionally phobia.

If there's a clear exit route I can be near spiders, but if some twat thinks it's funny to block my exit route and watch me squirm then I think that person is a controlling bully.

QueenOfThorns · 24/03/2022 22:08

@Riseholme

Put conkers in your rooms. Keeps the spiders away.
No, it really doesn’t Hmm
birdglasspen · 24/03/2022 22:19

My husband isn’t that immature although he does have plenty other faults! I did have two lovely sons trying to put a frog on my head today which didn’t fill me with joy! I pretend to like spiders so children don’t dislike them but it’s bloody hard! QW

TLKlover · 24/03/2022 22:25

I have come to terms with some spiders & will leave them be! Big ones....I literally freeze & feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Husband has done this a few times to me, until I told him he's cleaning up my sick (he hates sick, makes him throw up too)...hasn't done it again since.

TheSunIsStillShining · 24/03/2022 22:31

I had bee/moth/flying and non/flying creepy crawlies phobia until one bee flew in the car window while I was driving and in blind terror I almost crashed the car.
Since then anything coming my way I deal with it first then have a blind terror moment.
Unless I have my H at hand, because then I just scream for him to deal with it. And after 20 years he is still baffled how I have no issue when eg. driving and a bee comes in. I'll calmly pull over, kill it/make it go out of the car, have a few deep breaths and carry on. And yet at home I panic if he is home.

Mariposista · 24/03/2022 22:36

If he really is a good husband as you say he is, he will understand if you sit down and explain to him that for you this is not a joke. For someone who just 'doesn't like spiders', or gets a bit creeped out by them, this would just be annoying and immature, but if you are locked in the bathroom crying then you have a real phobia, and to you this is traumatic.

Crinkle77 · 24/03/2022 22:38

@rainbowlou

My dad used to do this to me all the time when I was little and I have the biggest phobia of them now.
Yes mine did too. He'd catch it in the living room binthen wave the bin at us. I'm utterly terrified of the big buggers.
Mollymalone123 · 24/03/2022 22:41

When I was a child my eldest brother caught a huge house spider and then chased me with it and then pushed it right under my nose.i was hysterical and spider phobic.however I have in the last couple of years managed to trap them myself and take them out to garden and had to deal with an infestation of false widows last year and I was ok.only taken 50 years 😂

Bigtom · 24/03/2022 22:42

My top tip is to get a cat. Mine eats all the spiders in the house. (I do have to clear up the legs sometimes though!)

Ddot · 24/03/2022 22:46

Hate that too!
Spiders mate september in the uk, not march as someone suggested

AlmostAJillSandwich · 24/03/2022 22:47

Deliberately causing someone fear or anxiety is NOT funny, and to do so repeatedly is abuse.
If he had a fear of needles, you wouldn't pop up randomly and jab one towards him, or dress as a clown and jump out at him at night etc depending on what his fear/phobia is.
Just because the spider happened in to your home rather than him deliberately going out to get it, doesn't make it okay to torment byou with it, it's cruel.

bluesberry · 24/03/2022 22:54

@PferdeMerde

Why are so many women scared of spiders?
One theory is that it's an evolutionary thing (same with snakes) so that fight or flight would kick in instantly so people would run from dangerous ones.

That's probably part of it but I think most of it is learned behaviour because they see adults freaking out or they pander to their reaction..the child doesn't know that their fear is irrational and seeing an adult getting hysterical over the spider just cements the idea that spiders are to be feared!

They don't really bother me and while my daughter freaked out a few times when she was younger about them she's generally fine about them now!

If she had a hysterical fear of them I'd try to get her some therapy, spiders are everywhere and I've heard horror stories about people crashing cars when they see a spider in the car or it lands on their hands etc.