To feel a bit sorry for this classmate of DDs

[WantToGoButCant]

She’s arranged a birthday party in a few weeks’ time, invited all of the girls from the class (12 girls), and none of them can attend.

She’s an only child so no siblings and from talking to the mum the girls not close with any of her cousins as they’re all either much older or much younger. So the party may get cancelled.

I feel gutted for the girl as she’s only recently joined the class from another school – the class are Year 3 and joined just before Christmas.

I can’t rearrange DDs commitment as she’s with her dad that weekend and it’s up to him to decide what he does, but AIBU to want to do something to show the girl that it’s not that our DC don’t like her it’s just fallen on a very bad weekend?

And if so WWYD for the little girl? She’s turning 8

@ChameFangeNail

If this happened in my DD's class, someone would address it head-on in the WhatsApp group by saying something like 'I feel terrible about the bad timing - I'm sure everyone else does too and I know the girls would love to celebrate X's birthday with her. What about a Pizza Express meet up after Girl Scouts on Tuesday? Etc, etc...'.

Is it the kind of group where you could do that?

I think this is a good idea

poor girl

have all said they cant go as a scout thing on the group

or just no sorry cant go

could you message mum privatley and tell her that it clashes and maybe arrnage to do 2 weeks later

Id defo message the group chat and address it and see if it could be rearranged or if not ask if anyone could meet up another date at soft play or something maybe if her bday is a week day everyone could go to soft play after school together that day.

Surely the mum can figure out it's a clash and do a different date?

You are a lovely person to be so considerate towards the girl and her mum. If I were you I'd invite the girl for a pre-birthday tea at yours with a present and also contact the mum separately and say, You weren't to know but half of them are away at camp that weekend and X is the time lots have rehearsals. I'm sure if you rearranged, there'd be takers. My DD gets on well with your DD. We'd like to invite her over for tea.

She needs to rearrange. Dds birthday all through primary clashed every year with the big show of the external drama school the majority of her friends were involved in but not Dd. I would find out the details of this bloody show and plan her party accordingly otherwise 6 of the 8 ish friendship group couldn’t go!

Some have said there's a scout thing others have just said "Sorry busy that day", I only know about the big scout camp as I have a friend who is a leader locally and she told me (my own DD doesn't do scouts).

Will suggest the soft play after school idea, we did that at the end of Year 2 after school one night and I think only 4 out of 28 couldn't make it so I might suggest that.

It would be kind to tackle it head on as PP suggested. If I was the new mum I think I’d worry that no-one wanted to go and would be hesitant about rearranging and risk it happening again.

@ChameFangeNail

If this happened in my DD's class, someone would address it head-on in the WhatsApp group by saying something like 'I feel terrible about the bad timing - I'm sure everyone else does too and I know the girls would love to celebrate X's birthday with her. What about a Pizza Express meet up after Girl Scouts on Tuesday? Etc, etc...'.

Is it the kind of group where you could do that?

Good idea to tell party Mum there's a reason the date doesn't suit many people

Bit presumptuous to suggest everyone meets another place / time. Best to let party Mum suggest that

Firstly thank you for thinking of this little girl so much, shows you are a kind & caring person.

Definitely do what you have suggested & maybe reach out to the Mum and assure her that it’s not because the little girl isn’t liked it’s just unfortunate the date has fallen at such a time when the majority already have things pre-arranged. Maybe suggest surprise party & help to organise that way she knows it’s genuine and sincere. Will make Mum feel better about it all & help her knowing her daughter will have a smile back on her face with a new surprise party

This has made me a bit teary actually. I would definitely suggest to the mum that she changes the date, she might not feel confident enough to suggest it herself since they are new to the school. At 8 they are old enough to feel upset about this sort of thing so something needs rearranging and the sooner the better. Please keep us posted!

Don’t know why anyone needs to get teary. Kids these days are insanely over scheduled so this is likely to be a common occurrence. Dd had one shit birthday because three quarters of the guests left early for their drama show. It wasn’t personal! Was annoying though.

Have sent the mum a message on whatsapp privately just explaining and suggesting we try and rearrange, have offered to help find an alternate date.

It is definitely not common to arrange a party and not have one single person say yes. I have empathy for the child and her mum, and I’m glad OP has too.

@ChameFangeNail

If this happened in my DD's class, someone would address it head-on in the WhatsApp group by saying something like 'I feel terrible about the bad timing - I'm sure everyone else does too and I know the girls would love to celebrate X's birthday with her. What about a Pizza Express meet up after Girl Scouts on Tuesday? Etc, etc...'.

Is it the kind of group where you could do that?

Yes, this is a good idea. Even if you just message a few mums you're closer to privately first and make sure they can do x date, so when you "suggest" it in the group they can jump in and say yes. Only because it would be even worse if you suggested it and nobody can make that date either!

For those saying the mum should just pick another date, she's probably not sure if all the responses are genuine or if people are making excuses, so probably is erring on the side of bowing out with some dignity rather than trying a different date and being faced with the reality that nobody likes her daughter. I know OP has explained this isn't the case, but in reality if you gave 4 weeks notice and 12 out of 12 kids said no you'd be a bit suspicious.

My DDs birthdays both fell on public holidays. Their primary school arranged that for anyone who's birthday fell like that they would have a little celebration during the last few days of term and if the mums wanted to we could send in decorations, cakes some party food and things for games, like wrapped gifts for pass the parcel. The whole school joined in.

@tkwal

My DDs birthdays both fell on public holidays. Their primary school arranged that for anyone who's birthday fell like that they would have a little celebration during the last few days of term and if the mums wanted to we could send in decorations, cakes some party food and things for games, like wrapped gifts for pass the parcel. The whole school joined in.

@tkwal If your birthday falls on a weekday at school your allowed to wear none uniform that day to celebrate. It's always lovely hearing children from other year groups say "Happy Birthday" as they walk passed.

I'd write in the WhatsApp on that's a shame that my DD and others can't come. Are you free on xxx and we can do something then instead. Then mum can arrange something elsr maybe others can join in too.

As someone who has a year 3 child who is new at school can I say it's kind of you to worry and I think you would be doing a massive favour to the mum to get in touch with her. Explain the clash and ask if thr girl would like to do something a different day.

If I invited 12 kids to my daughters birthday in a hew class and all said they were busy I would be heartbroken

@Bootothegoose

Poor baby :(

If the girls get on well I would inbox the mum and ask if you could take them to a soft play one Saturday and have a sleepover/take them for a McDonald’s after for a belated birthday celebration.

This happened to a little lad at DS’ nursery before Christmas. He was only turning four but he had traced his name on all the invites and it broke my heart. Everyone was either busy or isolating.

My two boys are only 2 and a newborn, but this sort of thing makes me absolutely dread organising parties for them. I can’t bear the thought of that little boy tracing out his name and then nobody being able to go :’(

Oh dear, if 12 out of 12 can’t make it, it could really be difficult for the mum to get the courage to reschedule. OP, I’m glad you messaged the mum and I hope she rearranges so the little girl can have a party.

The mum needs to move the party. It's very nice of you to get in touch with her... just let her know it's a genuinely bad date and not her DD being cold-shouldered. If the girl is relatively new and you can contact some other mums who you have details for and do a quick poll of some dates their DC could make and let the mum know, that would be a very very kind action indeed. I would be very touched if someone did that for my DC.

A girl in DD’s class has arranged a party for Easter Saturday, I can’t help but think we’re not the only ones who will be away! It’s really unfortunate, hopefully the mum can rearrange

Poor kid.

You did a very nice thing. Hope the mum takes you up on it.

@Skiornottoski

If she applies some logic She will reschedule

This!

This is not a big deal at all