People who dont smile at you when you smile

[PeterandSandy]

Most people smile if you smile at them when out.

The other day i did and the person looked away without smiling.

Wonder what that was about?

I am a chatty person when out and about, I'll say hello in passing or talk to random stranger easily if I meet then walking the dog, in the supermarket queue, etc.

I would never just randomly look at and smile at someone with no conversation. That is just weird imo.

@BitOutOfPractice - yes I get what you mean

but the OP has pondered why it could be that some people do not reciprocate a smile.

I'm adding my lived experience that while I'm usually a "smile back" person, there have been some distinct times when I did not feel like ever smiling again. They were the extreme ones I can remember as I don't often tell people to "F off", however, I'm pretty sure I won't have thought to smile back at anyone around those times either.

So many possible reasons… including anxiety, depression, other mental health issues, mental disabilities, autism, having a terrible day, not in the mood for interaction of any type, seemingly making eye contact with you but not actually processing it as they are in a world of their own (I do this all the time - seem like I’m looking directly at something/ someone but not really seeing them), mind on other things.

You may be generally nice and smiley but you seem to lack a social awareness when it comes to other people’s circumstances.

@mrsbitaly

When someone smiles at me it brightens my day. Its nice to know so has noticed me and took the time to make a nice gesture in smiling.

See @mrsbitaly - quite often this is also me - I do appreciate a smile most of the time.

However I do also appreciate that many people have their own reasons for not smiling on occasion, and I also try to remember/respect that.

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

I was out a couple of weeks back sitting quietly in a local park.

A lady walked past and smiled, I didn't smile back, and she told me to cheer up.

Shes lucky I didn't tell her to fuck off, it was the anniversary of my daughters death and I had 1 hour to myself and I just wanted to sit outside in peace without strangers placing expectations on me because they chose to do something.

Smile away, at anyone you like, but don't expect others to do the same.

That's absolutely disgusting. Sadly, we have a few people like that on here, who think they have the right to tell people they should smile and simper on cue, and if you don't you're a miserable cow, who the world doesn't need. OR they come out with pathetic, condescending sarcastic remarks, because you have the temerity to not fall in line with how the wimminz should behave.

Fucks me right off honestly. The 'cheer up' brigade boil my piss.

And I am SO sorry about your daughter by the way. My heart goes out to you... I hope the 'smile and say hello you miserable sod' brigade are embarrassed and ashamed after reading your post. They should be!

Maybe they are upset about something in their own lives. Or they may be very preoccupied or even have poor vision, and may not even have seen your smile. Or they may feel uncomfortable about interacting with strangers. It's most unlikely to be directed at you personally.

In case it was me; I'm sorry. I tend to walk about in an mental overload these days and wouldn't have registered a person I didn't know smiling at me until they had gone past.

I sometimes do smile at people when I'm out for a walk but if they don't smile back it's no biggie.

@MurmuratingStarling My post was aimed at the op. I don't believe I have the authority to tell anyone to do anything. You sound like great fun. You have the right to carry on being a miserable soulless joyless cow and I will carry on saying good morning

Dunno. Bad teeth? I’d smile back at you OP. I think we’d all be happier if we acknowledged and smiled more at each other.

@MurmuratingStarling much better. You’re pretty when you smile you know (you know I’m joking right?!)

I totally understand and agree with what you’re saying about women being expected to be pleasers and look pretty and smile. It’s really ducking annoying.

But the whole “fuck off you weirdo who are you smiling at” as a reaction to a smile is equally depressing.

I usually smile at other women. I find when approaching men in the street I’m too busy practising my favourite game of refusing to alter my course for a man and enjoying their reactions which are usually shock or anger when they realise they don’t actually own the space and have to step around me. It pleases and amuses me and usually makes me smile.

A friend told me once that he came across me walking down the street and smiled and said hi. Apparently I blanked him and kept on walking. A while after he asked me why I didn’t even acknowledge him - he thought I wasn’t talking to him or something. I can honestly say hand on heart I never even saw him. Despite the fact that apparently I looked straight at him. I was obviously just in a world of my own walking down the street.

@Chocolateteabag I understand totally. But if we are going to play “what if…” about people’s lives when they smile / don’t smile, what if the person who smiled at you is sad and lovely, hadn’t had a human interaction all day and is desperate for that tiny connection? So, on balance, I prefer to try and meet kindness with kindness no matter what’s going on in my life.

Out here in the sticks, it's pretty unusual, though not outright weird, not to smile or acknowledge people you pass in the road or on a path, whether you know them or not. When I worked in London, smiling at random people could've been a very different game

I'd always rather be polite and friendly, but sometimes I'm on another planet in busy places and don't register people are making eye contact or attempting to exchange pleasantries. It's different in a rural community where you tend to have more time to process what's happening.

It means nothing so don’t be an arse to them.

They might have been thinking about something else and totally on autopilot when you looked at them. Or maybe they didn’t have their glasses on and couldn’t see that you were looking at them specifically. The list goes on

@WetLookKnitwear

It means nothing so don’t be an arse to them.

They might have been thinking about something else and totally on autopilot when you looked at them. Or maybe they didn’t have their glasses on and couldn’t see that you were looking at them specifically. The list goes on

Where does it say she was an arse to them?

I've suffered from depression and over time I've lost the semi-automatic smiling whenever someone smiles at you thing- someone could easily smile at me and by the time I've noticed and thought about smiling they'd have walked past me! maybe it's just something like that.

@PeterandSandy
Nope. When I’m out I’m minding my own business, my own thoughts, not looking at people, hoping to avoid human contact, it’s not something I’m interested in when I’m going about my day. And I don’t subscribe to the ‘women must smile’ inflicted on us from infancy.

YABVU. Nobody owes you a smile. Smile because you want to, not because you expect something in return.

[quote saveforthat]@MurmuratingStarling My post was aimed at the op. I don't believe I have the authority to tell anyone to do anything. You sound like great fun. You have the right to carry on being a miserable soulless joyless cow and I will carry on saying good morning[/quote]
@saveforthat you sound utterly insufferable, and the kind of person I actively avoid in real life!

You have totally lost the argument by insulting me and calling me a miserable soulless joyless COW. What the actual FUCK?! Miserable cow? Just because I don't fall in with YOUR idea of how women should behave...? So I must say 'good morning' and 'good afternoon' to every person I encounter, and grin and simper at everyone when I leave the house? Lest I get accused of being a MISERABLE COW? Fuck me. Could you BE more misogynistic?

I reserve the right to not smile at, or speak to every fucking person I meet, and whether I speak or not is MY choice and is fuckall to do with you, or anyone else, and I DON'T have to explain myself.

As many posters have said, women don't HAVE to do anything they don't want to do, and don't deserve misogynistic vile remarks like 'you're a miserable COW' if they don't kow-tow to the way YOU think they should behave.

Your posts are shameful. Disgraceful and misogynistic. You HAVE to be a man. Because only a MAN would call a woman a miserable cow for having the TEMERITY to say she doesn't feel the need to smile back at a stranger smiling at them. If I don't feel like smiling, there is probably a reason for that, or maybe I just don't want to.. That is MY RIGHT.

But you are too busy hurling insults to even take that into account. Your rude small-minded insults are a disgrace and I shall do what I do to people like you in real life, and ghost you.

Don't talk to me again.

If you read this thread without the OP and just going by some of the reactions you could almost believe the OP was asking why people didn't like it when she grabbed people (who she knew were grieving/ having an awful day) while leering at them and yelling "cheer up love". 😂

@Wingedharpy I fully agree. 10 years since I lost my husband and the guy at the checkout said to me "cheer up, it may never happen" I was buying vases for all the flowers that were arriving the day after my husband died so I told him. He was very sorry. Don't know how I held it all together.

So this thread is getting weirder and aggressive on both sides of the camp.
Personally I am a smiler and I am the type to maybe say good morning and the like.

I understand not everyone is like that so if someone didn't reciprocate, I would just not bother next time. No overthinking or wondering.
Im from up north if that makes a difference.
I believe a smile can make the day a bit brighter for some people, not all. So always make an effort just in case.
Most people do usually smile back or answer. Like I said it would not bother me either way if they didn't.

Although there is 1 woman ive come across, who glares back when ive smiled (twice) which I think is downright rude. I avoid her now.
Makes me wonder if she is islamophobic as I am Muslim. Which is a shame.

I can see that @MurmuratingStarling has some issues and should probably stsy away from AIBU and seek some help irl so I will stop responding to her nonsense posts. Just for the rest of you (become she's ghosted me!) I am 100% woman and have never once dictated how women should behave, I just expect everyone male female and anything else they call themselves to have some basic human manners. @MedusasBadHairDay has it exactly right.

@saveforthat

I can see that *@MurmuratingStarling has some issues and should probably stsy away from AIBU and seek some help irl so I will stop responding to her nonsense posts. Just for the rest of you (become she's ghosted me!) I am 100% woman and have never once dictated how women should behave, I just expect everyone male female and anything else they call themselves to have some basic human manners. @MedusasBadHairDay* has it exactly right.

Didn’t you call her a “miserable soulless joyless cow”? 😐

Where are YOUR ‘basic human manners’?