Reminder: If you are travelling abroad with your kids and have a different surname to them, take a birth certificate to prove you’re related.

[bluebeach]

Not an AIBU, just posting this public service announcement here for traffic.
I forgot!

@RedWingBoots

Yes, I see that this thread is most relevant to those with small children, sorry.
But both my teens have Autism & are hugely 'rule abiding'.
I would want to get everything just right or I'll never hear the end of it.

We probably cant afford to travel this summer now anyway what with fuel & food increases & my dillydallying so no cheap early deals. By next year Dd will be 16 & says she also wants to change her surname to the same as me (ie double barrelled). Whether she'll need permission aged 16 I don't know (under Scottish law so will check).

Great until you remarry so your name isn’t the same as on the birth certificate.
I hate that I have to carry a permission letter from my ex when he’s such a knob.

What age is this recommended up to? Is over 16 ok or need to be over 18?

@AussieMozzieMagnet

I was in Amsterdam with my daughter and was questioned quite extensively when leaving despite having the same surname! They wanted to know where the father was.

I had this in Amsterdam, really boiled my piss. Asked if my child's father was back where we were returning home to. The OP is bang on though. my friend had terrible problems travelling with her teenage daughter with a different surname in Morocco and in Canada you have to have a letter.

@SweetsAndChocolates I think they just want anything official that connects you to the surname of your child. A marriage certificate would presumably do that the same as a birth certificate.

It is a recommendatio but not compulsory.

Whilst it is for child protection and I understand that. How it is implemented it is blatant sexism.

DF never been asked to prove his connection when travelling with his two sons, who both have different mothers.

Both mothers asked to prove their relationship - am very glad DCs are now old enough to speak up and be vocal. Eldest has challenged immigration officals in thepast - why they always ask me and not his Dad!
Have been asked for birt certificate, then told to bring my marriage certificate, then that was not enough they wanted a soicitor letter for me to travel - been lectured on my immorality in not changing my name, told in proper families the wife would not be allowed to do this - all by immigration officials!!

I stopped taking anything after we got to the lecture on my immorality .

If it was truly hild protectio then every parent would be asked not just the solo females travelling with DCS.

My DD was questioned and I had to produce her birth certificate at Dublin airport due to us having different surnames (fortunately I had it on me).

There would have been no point in me taking their birth certificates when I had a different name as when I registered them I put my name as my maiden name as what was on my medical records.

However my passport was still in my old married name.

But now my name has changed to match both my DDs so it'll be fine now.

I wonder though how I'd have explained that my name on their birth certificates was different to my "official" name.

Retained my single name on my passport after marriage but both children have married name. No one has ever queried it.

It's discrimination against mothers who aren't married to their child's father. Pure and simple discrimination.

My child has a very common surname. Any number of women I know (friends and colleagues) could easily take him through an airport on this basis, but his own mother can't without taking his birth certificate. Not only is it discriminatory, it's an utterly ludicrous system.

@windmillandcoffee

My child has a very common surname. Any number of women I know (friends and colleagues) could easily take him through an airport on this basis, but his own mother can't without taking his birth certificate. Not only is it discriminatory, it's an utterly ludicrous system.

They’re as likely to be stopped as you, just for different reasons.

I’ve been stopped more often with my younger kids with whom I share a surname than my older ones,

It’s simply that border staff are asking more questions now when children travel with one parent than before

It's inconsistent. As a headteacher, pre-lockdown, I frequently took large numbers of children through airports (with only one of them my own) and was never questioned once. Yet when I take him through on my own, I'm stopped and questioned. This system needs to change and improve in order to be fully effective.

And if you're going to Canada you need a notarised letter with other parent's permission. There a sample firm on the gov.ca website when you do your transit visa.

@windmillandcoffee

It's inconsistent. As a headteacher, pre-lockdown, I frequently took large numbers of children through airports (with only one of them my own) and was never questioned once. Yet when I take him through on my own, I'm stopped and questioned. This system needs to change and improve in order to be fully effective.

Well, the fact that only one of them was on your own completely explains that. A school trip is obviously very different to one adult and one child.

It’s quite baffling that a head teacher can’t see why solo parents are stopped (regardless of surname) more now than in years gone by.

If it was truly hild protectio then every parent would be asked not just the solo females travelling with DCS.

DH has been questioned every time he and DD (she flies with one of us to London for medical treatment frequently) fly. Same when he and DS went abroad for sport pre-pandemic.

I'm not saying I shouldn't be stopped, I'm saying that it's discriminatory and inconsistent. Everyone taking children through an airport should be questioned. Don't just accept that the same surname is a guarantee of legitimacy, as it may not be. The system is flawed and open to abuse.

It is down to the surname, border force told me that. It’s utterly sexist and outdated, the Tories introduced the policy in 2012.

Have traveled solo, local and international, with DC for past 16 yrs. Never once asked for letter of permission or anything.

Yes, once DC was around 8 yea old, border control would query them. But it never amounted to anything.

Yes, we share same surname. I always suspected we were passed along/ accepted because mother and child. Always wondered if DH would have been met with a different scenario.

Granted, they didn't travel solo until DV 10 yr. And they never traveled together internationally. Makes me wonder ...

This reminds me of when my eldest was 6 and he got questioned at Manchester (even though we all had the same last name). Eldest was in a habit of saying "I don't know" to stuff to avoid being spoken to...unfortunately he said "I don't know" to the woman who asked him "who are these people?" about us...
We then had a whole thing where he kept looking to us for an answer and we had to keep it light and say "just say what you call us" and he said he could remember his Dad's real name but not my name 😂. Eventually after a bit more time they established that we were Mum and Dad and that the question had confused him but it was quite scary! We now joke about the time he was almost taken from us at the airport.

I live in Netherlands and I bring a copy of an official document that says I have sole custody. I pop along to the court a week before our trip and they print it off and stamp it. DD (5 at the time) was once questioned by a train conductor on the way to Euro Disney about who I was, she wouldn’t answer him. I ended up showing him hundreds of photos of her from my phone, which he accepted even though I was in none of the photos because I’m often the photographer.

@earlydoors42

What age is this recommended up to? Is over 16 ok or need to be over 18?

Yes, I'd really like to know this too.

Both officially and 'anedcata' wise.

My kids would not cope well with being questioned (when moving house last year they insisted our large collection of Nerf guns were boxed up in the car with us not on the removal van as 'they are guns, Mum'. During the drive to the new house I was pulled over by the Police (routine winter car tyre type check). Ds piped up about 'the guns in the boot'. It was not funny for the first 5mins I can tell you!

@familyissues12345 they won’t know that though, will they?