Reminder: If you are travelling abroad with your kids and have a different surname to them, take a birth certificate to prove you’re related.

[bluebeach]

Not an AIBU, just posting this public service announcement here for traffic.
I forgot!

@GrandTheftWalrus

I find this really annoying. We carried them for 9 months and went through birth yet still have to prove they are ours yet any random with the same surname could take them through without them batting an eyelid.

It’s nothing to do with surnames, anyone travelling with a child needs permission off the other parents whether you share the same surname or not.

What happens re permission/permission letter if dad isn’t named on bc?

@AHungryCaterpillar I know a woman who has taken dc abroad and not asked fathers permission as the first he heard of it was on fb. He's on birth certificate etc.

Yes, I’ve been stopped coming in at Heathrow before as well (due to different name to DC) but was lucky that DH was in a parallel queue with the other DC, as we were just seeing which queue would move faster. It proper annoyed me when the patriarchal naming system default kicked in and DH as The Man came in and Explained Everything to the immigration guy. .

The only thing that I thought might help is DH is named in my passport as next of kin to be contacted and it shows his name and relationship to me. I know you only hand write those details, but it could help. More relevantly I also have copies of the DCs passports and birth certificates somewhere on my phone.

I’ve never been stopped re permission of the other parent though and have travelled quite a bit with just one child. Now the DC can use the biometric gates its much easier (plus DS is over 6ft with a man bun and a dodgy goatee - it doesn’t look like a kidnap situation these days!)

I was travelling alone with kids who have my name and was stopped and asked about the father. There is no father. Now always take birth certificates.

I wouldn't have thought of this as often travel with only dc & have different names but never a problem.

I’ve had my child questioned quite thoroughly about the trip and where we were going but never asked for a letter or birth certificate. Anyone could knock up a letter with an official looking stamp, or birth certificate come to think about it.

We’ve travelled with my nephews and nieces on different passports and different surnames to loads of places with no letter of permission or birth certificate either. I don’t think you need to avoid a couple of weeks abroad with children who can speak just because you’ve an absent ex!

Seems a bit ridiculous really. How on earth can they validate a “permission letter” - if you wanted to abduct a child you could just produce one couldn’t you?!

exactly

To be clear some of us on Irish passports and some on British depending on which was the quickest turnaround when we realised the previous passport expired!

My ds goes abroad with his dad every year never had a problem ds has my surname and his dad isnt even on his birth certificate so that would be pointless ds has been asked (around age 8) once by security who is this man ds replied my dad and that was that.

I was in Amsterdam with my daughter and was questioned quite extensively when leaving despite having the same surname! They wanted to know where the father was.

@MargotMoon

I've only ever been questioned on return to the UK, never on the way out which I don't get

This. The only time I've been asked was when arriving back in London on Eurostar.

DS was 10 at the time, so I told the official to speak to him directly, that he had a perfectly independent voice of his own.

I have a permission letter, that I wrote and posted to myself. It shows how pointless they are. Ex can't be bothered to parent his own child so the idea of having to ask his permission is ludicrous.

Should I ask for permission to feed DS or buy him school uniform or choose his GCSEs as well? In this instant the law is a complete ass.

DS1 has my maiden name so I kept my passport in my maiden name too. He was born before the law changed so I was the only one with PR so no need for permission to travel.

My parents have travelled alone with him, and on that occasion I gave them a letter but they didn't need to use it

@MummytoCSJH

What happens re permission/permission letter if dad isn’t named on bc?

You shouldn't then need a letter as the Dad won't have PR (unless you are married)

[quote GrandTheftWalrus]@AHungryCaterpillar I know a woman who has taken dc abroad and not asked fathers permission as the first he heard of it was on fb. He's on birth certificate etc.[/quote]
I’m aware that some people are stopped but that doesn’t mean that others aren’t and when it boils down to it the law it very clear that you need permission from everyone with PR to take a child abroad nothing to do with surnames and you can be stopped either way.

@AussieMozzieMagnet

I was in Amsterdam with my daughter and was questioned quite extensively when leaving despite having the same surname! They wanted to know where the father was.

And there you go, people can be stopped either way it’s nothing to do with surnames gov website is clear, just because someone went and didn’t get stopped doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

I’ve never been stopped. However i tend to travel with the permission and the bc. It always worries me that I’ll be stopped but those that are abducting the child are never stopped and manage to escape

When I took DS without DP, the letter from DP had his passport number on and his contact number, and I had a photo of his letter alongside all 3 of our passports. We didn't get stopped!

I did, however, get stopped when I was travelling with my younger cousin (8) and she was taken to one side and asked who I was, what relation I was to her, my name etc. Luckily I had a letter from her parents, too! But yes, no idea how they validate that. I could quite easily have written it.

@GrandTheftWalrus

I find this really annoying. We carried them for 9 months and went through birth yet still have to prove they are ours yet any random with the same surname could take them through without them batting an eyelid.

It’s nothing to do with surname.

I’ve been stopped more with my younger children, who I share a surname with, than I was with my elder children, who I never have.

Things are just tighter now so more people are stopped and checked.

I understand you are trying to help OP hit I won’t be doing that.

I gave birth to my children, they will always be my children whatever name they have whatever name I have. I have parental responsibility and I can take them on holiday, end of story.

I’ll sit in the airport until they do a dna test if I must but I refuse to worry about this. The “rules” or incidences in which people come under suspicion are at best random and at worst nonsensical.

Does anyone know the exact laws surrounding this? I’m willing to bet they disproportionately affect women.

I have and will continue to take my dc abroad with their legally acquired and valid travel documents and mine.

So if the absent parent can't be contacted, to ask permission of, does that mean the DC should miss out on all foreign travel?

Just ridiculous.

Wintersbone it's the exact opposite. There is zero requirement/obligation to carry extra documentation. It's highly recommended (and often requested despite there being no obligation) to aid you if you do get questioned about the relationship.

This raises another interesting question.

DS is going on a school french trip this summer. Ex is on the BC but chooses not to be involved in parenting.

The school has my permission to take DS abroad. They don't have ex's permission. Ex hasn't even had input on choosing that school for DS.

So is the school on legal thin ice as well, by not having written permission from both parents?

I’ve taken my children on my own loads of times, to various countries in Europe, Asia, North America. Not once have I been asked for a birth certificate.

I do however carry a permission letter from DH. I have only been asked for it once, when DD was a tiny baby. Once the children were old enough to talk, they have on occasion been asked who I was relative to them (different ethnicity and surname). They think it’s quite funny.

This is one reason I would advise women to give children their own name and in the event of divorce to obtain a Child Arrangement Order so permission of the other parent is not needed to travel abroad.