Reminder: If you are travelling abroad with your kids and have a different surname to them, take a birth certificate to prove you’re related.

[bluebeach]

Not an AIBU, just posting this public service announcement here for traffic.
I forgot!

@AHungryCaterpillar I see it says on there you don't need permission if under 28 days so that's probably why she didn't contact him. And full time residence is with her, so going by your post she was right.

I thought you had to have permission no matter what. Thanks for sharing.

Yes that’s most likely what she had, just stating it isn’t to do with surnames it’s about having permission. (Unless you have cao) I can’t get one personally as it will risk ex coming back into our lives would rather not take that risk

I was commenting about it being about surnames as that's the title of the post.

@AussieMozzieMagnet

I was in Amsterdam with my daughter and was questioned quite extensively when leaving despite having the same surname! They wanted to know where the father was.

We've been questioned extensively at Amsterdam too despite all having the same surname.

Once because my 4 year old DD didn't look like the baby photo in her passport. Then when my dark skinnned DS was being taken through passport control with (white) DH whilst I was at another booth with DD.

In the one case I know of, it was about surnames.

In some Welsh-speaking families the parents give their children individual last names, entirely different from those of the parents, which may well be different from each other.

The parents in one family I knew were interrogated at length on the reason for the four different "surnames" in their passports. They were all travelling together (the children were nursery age) and their passports had been handed over to the control officer together.

@MintJulia you need permission from your ex or the court.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@MintJulia you need permission from your ex or the court.[/quote]
No I don't. There is no requirement in law. There is advice but it is not a legal requirement which is why we travel perfectly successfully.

A passport is a legal requirement, and we wouldn't get past check-in without one. A 'permission letter' is not legally required.

There is no standard of proof of authenticity.
There is no way of knowing whether permission once given, has been subsequently withdrawn.
There is no requirement for permission to be verbal or in writing. There is no statement on what must be included within that permission - which countries, for how long, what dates etc.

If a legal requirement existed, a standard relevant document would be consistently demanded by immigration officials. It is not.

Usually they will ask the kids. Ive only ever been asked this once on a ferry, and i didnt have proof but they did let us through eventually.

We once spent about 10 minutes in Heathrow explaining what patronyms are as DP is Icelandic so none of us in our family of 4 have the same last name (similar to Smith, Jónsson, Ólafsdóttir and Ólafsson). It was a minor delay and has only happened once.

I've never been asked!

Reminds me when 18yo dd went to france with her 17yo friend who I hadn’t realised was under 18. On the way back they were both questioned at length and asked for a letter from the other girls parents which they didn’t have

@Undertheoldlindentree

I never travelled abroad with my DC for this reason. All my DC lived with me full time, so it felt very wrong to have to ask ex for a permission letter. Simply stuck to UK holidays until youngest aged 16. If I had my time again, I would give all DC my surname.

Seems a ridiculously unfair system... in many countries it's the norm for parents to have different last names to their children.

My regret too, wish my dc had my last name.

I travelled loads, including abroad, with DC who have different surname without DH and without a letter of permission or their birth certificates etc. Never had an issue. I suppose to be fair, not alone when all DC were pre-verbal.

I don't feel it's an "issue" if someone asks "Is that your mum?" . My threshold for "problem" is a lot higher than that.

When DH was there so not surname-difference-related, DC or me have been randomly pulled aside for searches which is a faff. That reaches threshold = minor problem, I suppose.

Letters look so cheap and could easily be faked.
Travelled 3 times with grand children, them UK passports me CDN. Certainly no surname match. No questions.

I nearly always get asked for DD's birth certificate when I travel to the UK, but the thing is birth certificates aren't issued as a matter of course in my country so the first time I travelled with her I had nothing to show. They still let us in after I told them I didn't have it so I guess they weren't that bothered. After that I ordered a copy of her details from the population register, not exactly a birth certificate but it lists me as her mum.

Also carried permission letter from her dad which they only occasionally ask for. Once he called border control and rescinded permission so we were stopped at border control and questioned and had to wait ages, missing our flight, before they decided that he didn't have the right to stop me taking her out of the country (they called him and asked his reason and I guess they decided his reason wasn't good enough) so even lack of permission might be overruled. (and they got us on the next flight, no extra charge or anything, they were very apologetic about the whole matter)

This year is the first year we're travelling since my daughter's dad died, I suppose I should take his death certificate?

My son has my last name, wasn't questioned about him when I travelled with him but going to take his papers too this time, just in case.

Interested to know if anyone on here has actually been prevented from boarding a flight/ entering the country due to this issue? Or is it just a case of questioning and then being let through once you've convinced the immigration/ airline official. Has anyone ever had to eg contact the other parent from the airport?

I know South Africa is very strict on this but wonder if people actually get prevented from traveling in Europe. (Assuming they are who they say they are/ are not acting unlawfully.)

We took my friends DS on holiday with us, he was about 15 at the time. We didn't get stopped at Gatwick but got stopped on way home. I had no idea you needed a letter, had never heard about it before and often had friends come away with me parents when I was younger. They were really odd with their questioning, they said what if he got hurt, I just said well that is no different to if his parents were there. We tried to call them but they didn't answer, they just let us through. I said I don't understand why you are stopping us on our return journey. All very odd.

Years ago I took Ds to New Zealand alone.

I took his BC.

It still wasn’t good enough for them as ds had both our names double barrelled.

So I was Miss Smith, ex h was Mr Jones and ds was Master Smith-Jones.

They just kept repeating that he didn’t technically have either of our surnames seeing as neither parent was double barrelled.

It took forever until a supervisor came over and decided it was all okay.

I doubt airlines care. It will be immigration either at the country of arrival or upon return.

Hmm.
I am about to get 1st passports for Ds (17), Dd (15) & renew mine. I want to change my name 1st (Divorcing) to double barrel with their surname.
Will this potentially cause a problem?

I can vaguely see the purpose of checking permission if parents are travelling alone due to risk of abduction, but surely it must be easy to knock up a fake letter if you're really intent on taking a kid abroad without the other parent's permission.

My SIL is Chinese and says most married mainland Chinese mums will have different surnames from their children. I'm sure this must be the case for other non Western cultures too so the surname matching thing doesn't make sense and feels quite discriminatory. I have an Icelandic colleague and apparently all 5 of their family having different surnames blew the minds of immigration last time they flew into Heathrow

@52andblue

Hmm. I am about to get 1st passports for Ds (17), Dd (15) & renew mine. I want to change my name 1st (Divorcing) to double barrel with their surname. Will this potentially cause a problem?

Your children are old enough (and ugly enough) to tell any immigration officer you are their mum. Plus they are likely large enough to fight your attempts to kidnap them.

@caoraich There are other Western cultures where the children won't have exactly the same last name as the parents even though they share some of the names.

In my case, it was definitely down to me having a different surname. I was travelling with a friend and her child and even when we presented our passports all together, she was fine to go through as a single woman with a child whereas I was questioned. On this particular trip I was questioned 3 times, both on return to the U.K. and the other country.

On the first occasion I called my partner but passport control would not accept his verbal confirmation that I was the mother. It was only after the passport officer noticed that I had hand written my partners name as next of kin that I was allowed through. For my return journey I had my partner send a photo of the birth certificate which was accepted on the two further occasions that I was questioned going through passport control.

@bluebeach is it just birth certificate?
My kids have different surname to me, and I was told next time to either carry their birth certificates or marriage certificate (not sure if marriage certificate would be accepted having read this thread). Unless I didn't quite hear correctly and she said I need to carry birth and marriage certificate

Thankfully though, she let me go through.

I had no idea about this until our trip, and being from a culture/race (whatever 'dictates' these ideas) where women don't change their surname, I'd never given this a second thought before.