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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For telling my neighbour he should stay home

448 replies

queensonia · 23/03/2022 18:16

My next door neighbours both tested positive for COVID on the weekend. Today I saw the husband getting in his car to go to work. He works for a medium sized public company with a lot of staff. He said he was told that he’s not legally obliged to isolate and that if he felt well enough he should still go into work. I told him he was morally obliged to isolate because he could infect colleagues who may suffer far worse than he is currently and pass it on to their relatives who may also get very ill or die. Is this what everyone is doing now.? In my industry we are pcr tested twice a week and not allowed on site until the test is negative.

OP posts:
OfstedOffred · 24/03/2022 06:24

Plenty of employers do not pay well staff who don't show up to work.

Sally090807 · 24/03/2022 06:33

@Scbchl

Its literally got absolutely nothing to do with you. The rules are the rules. Keep your nose out of other peoples business.
This
girlmom21 · 24/03/2022 06:59

We don’t have masses of crew off sick because you can’t come on set if you’re positive so it’s not spreading through the crew. Same with norovirus last year. Anyone who caught it from their kids did the sensible thing and stayed home. And no we don’t get sick pay

You're not going in sick because you're not allowed to. You're following your workplaces rules, just like he is, so stop pretending it's some kind of of moral decision.

Watapalava · 24/03/2022 07:03

The advice to stay home with covid ends 31 March

www.gov.uk/government/speeches/pm-statement-on-living-with-covid-21-february-2022

Next week your neighbour would simply be following gov advice so please do keep your mouth shut next time

tigger1001 · 24/03/2022 07:14

[quote queensonia]@Meadmaiden. No my neighbour doesn’t work in the film industry. I do. His job can’t be done from home either though so I know that wasn’t an option for him. I just hate the idea of people being forced to go into work . I know he wasn’t happy about it either so I don’t think it’s fair to blame him either[/quote]
But you have blamed him. You told him going to work was morally wrong.

Not only that you came on here so others can blame him too.

You say he can't work from home and his employer has told him he needs to go to work if he's not ill. That's what he's done.

The whole judging thing needs to stop. Covid has been a real eye opener in how others feel they can judge others.

TeacupDrama · 24/03/2022 07:55

All this year the death rate including covid has been below the Pre covid 5 year average, 150 deaths a day is also the pre covid average for deaths from respiratory type infections like flu pneumonia etc in winter,

The OP changed first she said he was choosing to go in then later she said he had to go in as his employer told him too.

DuchessofAnkh22 · 24/03/2022 08:34

@Saracenia

Good on you, OP. I think you've done the right thing. More and more people are getting ill and the hospitals are overwhelmed. We aren't out of this yet.
No they aren't! Death rates are currently below average.
GabriellaMontez · 24/03/2022 08:39

You gave your neighbour a morality lesson? Youre lucky you didn't get one back

RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho · 24/03/2022 08:48

@queensonia

He could have got paid sick leave.. He is a senior manager with full employment benefits so it is not a case of losing money if he stayed home.
He may, in a roundabout way, be doing the right thing.

He may have staff that aren't covered by the same terms and conditions. Maybe he feels that if his staff have to go into work, he should too.

80sMum · 24/03/2022 08:55

I'm relieved to see that the majority of responders agree with me that YABU. Your neighbour is free to go about his business without you trying to control his movements by questioning his moral integrity. If his employer has stated that he should go into work then that's what he should do. There is no longer any requirement to self-isolate.

Sofiegiraffe · 24/03/2022 09:01

@queensonia

Thank you all for your many and varied opinions . I’m loving the irony of everyone telling me I should mind my own business …. on Mumsnet which is literally a site for sticking your nose into the lives of total strangers 😀

Hilarious 😂

You posted here inviting the opinions of others. Your neighbour did not ask for your opinion on his work / covid situation.

Totally different.

Sofiegiraffe · 24/03/2022 09:27

@girlmom21

We don’t have masses of crew off sick because you can’t come on set if you’re positive so it’s not spreading through the crew. Same with norovirus last year. Anyone who caught it from their kids did the sensible thing and stayed home. And no we don’t get sick pay

You're not going in sick because you're not allowed to. You're following your workplaces rules, just like he is, so stop pretending it's some kind of of moral decision.

Absolutely, this 👏🏻
Meadmaiden · 24/03/2022 10:59

I wonder if everyone saying 'go forth and spread the covid' would be saying the same for diarrhoea and vomiting, or chicken pox? I have seen threads where people complain about children not being kept of school or nursery for 48 hours post D&V, or a parent taking a child for a walk with chicken pox. There is no legal obligation to isolate with either of these either. Also, while the legal obligation is no longer present to isolate, the government advice is still that people should isolate.

Spidey66 · 24/03/2022 11:06

Two years ago you would not have been unreasonable. We are now at the stage of living with covid, and need to treat it like other infections like colds and flu. People need to make their own judgements based on current NHS/Government advice, their employers policy, how they feel, and their own medical history.

Shgytfgtf111 · 24/03/2022 11:18

I'm really confused now as to whether your neighbour has to go in to work or has chosen to (which was your initial comment). You say he has a moral responsibility which he clearly doesnt if he is required to work.
Either way it doesnt actually matter, he doesnt have to isolate anymore and even if you can WFH, then some tasks/meetings/calls whatever are better done in the office if you can.

Its not a moral decision anymore even, we need to live with the virus and people need to work and get paid. No one will be testing shortly really anyway so the chances are people will be working or sitting ona train or whatever with someone with the virus. Just as they would have in the past with flu for example.It isnt the case anymore of 'you are risking other people's lives!', it is simply a case of 'I need to get paid' as many employers and mortgage providers are not sympathetic to covid anymore.

Original poster
queensonia · 24/03/2022 11:19

The majority opinion here is clearly that I was very unreasonable to express my opinion.
Fair enough.
But can I just ask how you would feel if you turned up for work tomorrow and the person working beside you had come into work knowing they had Covid which you then caught, forcing you to take time off from work and losing your income and in all probability your partner's income as well?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 24/03/2022 11:24

Honestly? Ethically it is batshit to go to places where there are other people if you're positive. Morally also dubious,

But since the UK won't pay people to stay home, what can anyone do? Probably better to not say anything in cases like this.

thecatsthecats · 24/03/2022 11:27

I caught covid and suffered long covid for 14 months, with intermittent episodes still.

And I think you are being very, very unreasonable.

I'm neck-deep in risk assessments right now, and the most important principle is to reduce and be proportional regarding risks.

He is staggeringly unlikely to kill someone or cause serious harm by infection. Probably more likely to cause death in his car than through covid.

I hope you're not responsible for risk assessments OP.

SartresSoul · 24/03/2022 11:29

Fuck all to do with you really. He isn’t breaking the law and it’s up to his company to decide their own rules. DH’s company policy is you can return as soon as your tests are negative. Every company is different.

Shoxfordian · 24/03/2022 11:38

Not your business op

Carpy899 · 24/03/2022 11:50

I'm surprised you didn't get told to fuck off.

incognitoforthisone · 24/03/2022 11:59

Would I stay at home if I had Covid but didn't feel ill? Yes, absolutely, and luckily I work for an employer who supports its staff to do that.

Does this give me a right to tell my neighbours what they should do? No it bloody doesn't, because they're not doing anything illegal. Government advice in England is that you don't need to self-isolate if you have Covid, and he's following that advice.

You can't police people's morals for doing something they've been told that it's OK for them to do. Your neighbour's moral compass is for him to calibrate, not you.

Pretty sure my neighbours make all sorts of choices that I think are selfish/careless, but I wouldn't launch a verbal attack on their morals for it because they would quite correctly tell me it's none of my business.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/03/2022 12:00

@queensonia

The majority opinion here is clearly that I was very unreasonable to express my opinion. Fair enough. But can I just ask how you would feel if you turned up for work tomorrow and the person working beside you had come into work knowing they had Covid which you then caught, forcing you to take time off from work and losing your income and in all probability your partner's income as well?
I wouldn't stay off work unless I couldn't get out of bed.
Broads93 · 24/03/2022 12:01

@queensonia

He could have got paid sick leave.. He is a senior manager with full employment benefits so it is not a case of losing money if he stayed home.
Wow you need a hobby. What a sad little life you have. Why not stop crying about other peoples actions and mind your own business? You're defo that neighbour that everyone on the street avoids.
Broads93 · 24/03/2022 12:04

@queensonia

The majority opinion here is clearly that I was very unreasonable to express my opinion. Fair enough. But can I just ask how you would feel if you turned up for work tomorrow and the person working beside you had come into work knowing they had Covid which you then caught, forcing you to take time off from work and losing your income and in all probability your partner's income as well?
That's a problem that comes with company policy, It is what it is I'm afraid. Why don't you just stay in the safety of your home for the rest of your life if you're so petrified. Wet wipe.