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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you have ever blanked someone to their face

123 replies

AllWeekendattheKitKatClub · 22/03/2022 14:37

To ask: have you ever blanked anyone to their face when they've said hello to you and if so, why? AIBU to think that's rude in any circumstance?

A woman my DH used to know from a hobby did this to me after we walked past each other. I smiled and said hello to her but she just stared at me.

OP posts:

LittleMG · 22/03/2022 16:15

The guy who lives opposite my parents did this. New guy moved next to mum and dad, dad talking to him out the front and the new guy sees guy over the road and says hello, and he TOTALLY BLANKED HIM. He doesn’t talk to my mum or dad either we have no idea. Neither does his wife, we can only imagine they think we are too common. 😂

NewDayNewLife · 22/03/2022 16:25

Yes and no. I am blind so won't know someone is around unless they say hello first, but I always say it back, even if I don't like them. I had an ex who was in his own head a lot of the time and would blank people who were right in front of him, even if they were having a conversation (and even if they were people "liked", enough, but when he clocked that I was annoyed by it he would sometimes refuse to speak to me on purpose. After that, I have vowed to always respond to people regardless of how much I like them (unless of course they are being abusive). Communication is really important to me especially because I don't have access to visual feedback.
On the other hand, when I got a phone-call that ended up being a scam which I realised when they asked for my credit card details, I had no problem ignoring them then...

Lesperance · 22/03/2022 16:44

Yes, somebody who I used to work with who would comment on my language skills in her language, but not in a helpful way. Just critical.

QueenOfHiraeth · 22/03/2022 16:44

I normally do everything I can to avoid being rude but there is one person I make an exception for.
She moved to our area and I vaguely knew her so introduced her to friends and included her in a few invitations. Through that she got involved with school committees I help with and social events. She then systematically "wendied" me by inviting my friends out and excluding me, often manipulating things if they queried it. This did eventually lead to a big fall out between her and our friends.
I have thoroughly enjoyed the occasions I have been able to blank her.

dadadeedadada · 22/03/2022 16:48

@RincewindsHat haha I do that. It's like if you're not where you normally are my brain doesn't recognise you. If you work at Tesco's then that's where you must stay, always. Don't be trying to say hello to me walking down the street. In fact I called into a random chippy on my way home from work one night, woman behind the counter really friendly and chatty, I chatted back didn't have a scooby who she was. She was wrapping my chips before my brain told me she was my next door but one neighbour. The shame.

SpeckledlyHen · 22/03/2022 16:52

I deliberately blanked someone once at a party. However, the lady in question had previously been a good friend of mine. It took me (too long) many years to realise she was a pathological liar, a thief and a lunatic. I should imagine there is a personality disorder she has that has a name but I don't know what it was. She did some WICKEDLY horrible things to me and various other people (and allegedly still continues to do so). None of her old circle of friends talk to her but I went to a 50th party a few years ago and she was there. I stayed on the outer fringes of the party but at one point she came right up to me, said hello and said we should make amends. I totally blanked her and she walked off (thank god). Hopefully I never run into her again. It has been 15 or so years since we were friends and I am still aghast at some of the things she did (does) and how bad she treats people and the lies she tells. It's really not in any way normal behaviour.

PierresPotato · 22/03/2022 16:55

Oh no I did this to a neighbour who is so young looking I thought he was a hooligan pal of my son (who had been
going through a phase.) Some of these lads would shout hello, smirking away and I had by now enough and had just ended by ignoring them. They had reached 17/18 and I decided I was past role modelling for other people's eejits.
So one winter's day a young bloke enveloped in a hat and big jacket whizzes past on his bike making a serious point of saying hello all smiley and I just gave him a freezing look.
My younger daughter was with me and said mum you were so rude to our new neighbour. 😣 Lesson learned, never drop your manners.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 22/03/2022 16:56

Yes I'm sure I must have done so accidentally. I'm hopeless at recognising people out of context, and often in context as well. Once I had a whole conversation with someone at a conference before we both realised we had met a couple of times before and conducted quite a bit of work over the phone and via email.

I once said hello to someone who I thought was an ex boyfriend, but realised when very close up that he wasn't. This kind of "are they, aren't they" happens to me all the time.

I don't think I have ever blanked anyone intentionally.

If the woman thought your DH was avoiding her then possibly she thought it would be embarrassing if she tried to say hello to you?

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 22/03/2022 16:56

Yes, I worked with someone, I deliberately blanked him every day at work. Even in the office when we were in close proximity I still ignored them.

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 22/03/2022 16:56

Yes.

Long back story involving her lying (proven) about DS.

I was waiting for the loo in a local restaurant and she came slithering out of the cubicle, she looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her up and then tried to say hi, so I just turned away from her.

DragonOverTheMoon · 22/03/2022 16:57

I don't always recognise people out of context so do do this. I am terrible with faces but remember names really well!

bowtieandheels · 22/03/2022 16:57

Yes I blanked the ex husband of my friend, he was the worst kind of narc abuser and had totally trashed her life. He turned up uninvited to her mothers funeral and tried to say hi to me, I blanked him and it felt good.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 22/03/2022 17:06

I’ve done it. To one person only. And meant it each time.

There are no words pleasant enough to say.

LadyLolaRuben · 22/03/2022 17:09

Yes. My lying cheating ex partner of 12 years who led a double life said "hello, are you ok?" to me in the supermarket that he was working packing shelves in. It was 8 years after I'd caught the gaslighter cheating. He really did look pleased to see me. I looked the over weight, hair thinning prick straight in the eye and walked away. I had no idea he worked there and I looked great, even if I do say so myself. He was gutted.

TwoMountains · 22/03/2022 17:13

I’ve blanked people by accident before.

Sometimes I’m walking around in my own little world and don’t register people at all unless they’re really obvious about trying to catch my attention. As in shouting my name rather than just a casual hello in passing.

And I sometimes have problems recognising people out of context.
It was my DC’s parents evening last week. When it was my turn to see DC2’s teacher, it took me nearly a minute to work out who the teacher was. His teacher is on the school gate most mornings BTW. But she’d gone and changed her hairstyle over the weekend and she looked slightly different. I was just staring at her thinking “I know this woman from somewhere but who is she? Why isn’t the teacher here?” Thankfully she started talking and I recognised her voice before I could ask who she was
But if I’d been walking past her in the street that day instead of sat opposite her, I’d have got at least halfway down the road before the penny dropped.

NewDayNewLife · 22/03/2022 17:28

Sorry, first post should have said "people he "liked" enough"
I'm so sorry that many of you have had negative experiences with people whom you initially gave a fair chance.

CremeEggThief · 22/03/2022 17:33

Never deliberately, but I don't have a great memory for faces and find it hard to recognise people I don't know very well out of context e.g. one of the hairdressers in a salon I sometimes use on a train etc.
I can't count the number of times I've clicked minutes or hours later who that person who said hi was!

Marmelace · 22/03/2022 17:37

Yes, I can't do all the pretence smiley crap with people I have past bad experiences with.

Goldenbunny · 22/03/2022 17:39

@AllWeekendattheKitKatClub

Interesting examples, but aren't these all examples of where the other person hasn't said hello to you? When someone says hello to me, I'll say hello back, whether I recognise them or not, so that makes me weird by the sounds of it

I will say hello to anyone that says hello to me even if I don't know them. I made friends with a lady that started of with us saying hello when we passed in the street now she comes over for tea a few times a week.

Lurking9to5 · 22/03/2022 17:42

Y3s i blanked a manager who had not only sacked me but tried to scupper my next job by saying she couldnt send back a form with (simple) questions that civil service requested. I felt so much rage when she cheerfully said hello to me in a shopping centre. Like she'd forgotten the huge amount of stress she caused me TWICE.
She looked shocked, but never mind blanking her, i wanted to poison her.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 22/03/2022 17:44

Yes, DH's ex daughter in law. She was an evil bitch and when she barged her way past DH into our house I turned my back on her and deliberately didn't speak to her.

LockDownAndTwoSmokingBarrels · 22/03/2022 17:47

I’ve had this happen to me twice.

First time I was 16, we’d just left school and I was walking down the street and saw a group of girls from my year group walking towards me. I smiled and said hello and they stared right through me, totally blanked me and carried on walking. Absolute bitches.

Second time was in my 20s, I’d gone to pick DS up from school and passed another “mum” who I had been walking to previously the day before. I smiled and said hello and she looked directly at me and completely blanked me. I can understand the 16 year olds just being bitchy teens but this woman was in her late 30s, no excuse to be so rude. It stuck with me for a long time but she actually died a few years later which was sad. I still don’t understand why she did that but I’m no longer angry at her for it.

I’ve never done it to someone else, I just couldn’t.

RaraRachael · 22/03/2022 17:48

I did this to someone who had been very nasty, without reason, to OH.
It was in the line up at a funeral, so I shook hands with the first two people, then ignored him and just walked into the church. I don't care if I was rude - what he had done was nasty and unforgiveable.

maddiemookins16mum · 22/03/2022 17:51

Yep. A former manager who was awful and a bully. She left and life moved on. I was walking out of Paperchase in Bromley one day as she walked in, her face lit up and she was clearly going to greet me somewhat warmly……I kept on walking and looked right through her.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 22/03/2022 17:51

To the people that answered me with

I doubt op is talking about this kind of situation though?

And with

I can assure you that no one would think you rude for blanking a child molester

Can I remind you that the op said

AIBU to think that's rude in any circumstance?

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