I think I’ve fallen in love with some 28 years older than me

[Pearlofhearts]

AIBU to feel embarrassed and can’t believe my feelings?!

He is older than my dad and only two years younger than my mum.

I feel like I love him

That title should say ‘someone’.

We need to know more

What else do you want to know? I can answer but don’t want to put myself, in case.

My DH is 20 years older than me and we have been happily married for 20 years.

Does he love you?

Are you dating?

Age is just a number. Nothing "right" or "wrong" in dating these days (obviously except anything illegal!!).

How old are you? I think there’s a huge difference between a 20yo dating a 48yo and a 35yo dating a 63yo.

I’m 32, he’s 60.
I’m so embarrassed, I don’t know why.

I think he is very fond of me.

I’m in a relationship and co-habitating, we have a child together but we are falling apart and my DP basically told me he doesn’t feel the same about me the other week.

Why do you think you love him? Are you sure you’re not just looking for a way out?

I think you should probably decide what you’re going to do about your family first. It’s all very easy to start mooning about over someone else when your real life is falling apart. I learned that the hard way.

He is older than your dad. Grim.

I'm not sure why you're posting...To give voice to how you feel maybe? For reassurance? Because really the issue is that you need advice on your relationship?

Maybe your feelings of embarrassment are actually a gut feeling that it’s not right?
Where’s the future in it? People age a lot between 60 and 70. Would you ever be able to ‘be’ together in public? Introduce him to your parents?
Could it just be a crush because of what you’re going through in your own relationship at the moment?

I’m not planning on doing anything.

I just can’t believe my feelings. I didn’t envisage this happening. We do spend a lot of time together as we work together. I thought I was just fond of him as a friend but it feels much stronger than that.
I just feel embarrassed and confused.

Can you imagine sex with him?
Then you'll have your answer (I speak from sad experience).

@Susu49

We need to know more

No we don't. You might want to but it's prurient.

It’s not going to come to anything as I won’t act on it.

I think I just needed to vent it out, write it down.

I know my current relationship is a mess. I’m sorry of trapped though as I’m in quite a bit of debt and we share the mortgage.

You're projecting. In your mind you've made him into the person you want him to be to fill a void in your life. Don't be fooled.

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

No I can’t imagine sex with him.
Maybe I love him in a ‘non sexual’ way, if there is such a thing.

First of all, you don't need to feel embarrassed having feelings for an older man (even a much older one). It's not that unusual.

Secondly, I think the confusion might be more down to the fact you're experiencing feelings for anyone other than your partner. You need to separate this from the age gap issue and focus on unpicking why you've formed an attraction and how this relates to your current relationship.

It doesn't sound like you're in love with him and you can't imagine having sex with him. Sounds like you've just got a little infatuation going on.

@toconclude yes, we do. If we're going to respond helpfully then we need to understand why the op is feeling so conflicted. It sensationalism fgs

*its not

@MoonSpoonSoon

I think you’re right, infatuation is probably more the correct word.

[quote Pearlofhearts]@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

No I can’t imagine sex with him.
Maybe I love him in a ‘non sexual’ way, if there is such a thing.[/quote]
Of course there’s such a thing but if you don’t want to tear his clothes off and jump his bones you’re not in love.

A little crush maybe. A fondness like a father figure maybe? When I was having problems with an ex I fell for someone a colleague. Never acted on it. Gave my head a wobble and suddenly realised that I wasn't actually attracted to them after all. It was just transference.