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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is poor from DS’ college?

81 replies

kzaurm · 21/03/2022 14:50

DS has ADHD and ASD and mental health issues (anxiety and depression), he self harms and we are trying to get help for him. He has a 1:1 at his college as he was struggling a lot without it, the college also knows about his mental health but we all agreed for him to go in as his anxiety would be made worse by not attending as he wouldn't go out (this has happened previously when he was off school a few years ago due to anxiety) and also because DP works and I work a few days a week so there wouldn't be anyone to keep an eye on him.

DP called me and told me that he had a call from the college and asked him to pick him up, he was told that DS’s 1:1 teacher wasn't in and he had broken a ruler and when he was asked what he was going to do with it he replied that he didn't know. They sent him home as he was a danger to himself and they couldn't keep him safe.

Aibu to think this is poor? I know that the college has other students but we can't afford to miss work to keep an eye on DS everyday which is why him attending college is important

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 21/03/2022 15:12

It's a college, not a 1:1 child care service.
How many students do you expect to miss out on being educated in order that your son has 1:1 care? HIs 1:1 tutor was not there - it's not as if they chose to divert 1:1 tutors time to work on something else.

TorringtonDean · 21/03/2022 15:17

@ThinWomansBrain you’ve not experienced having a child with mental health problems, have you? It is an immense worry for parents and can also destroy employment prospects. Your comment is heartless and tone deaf.

If the college didn’t think he was safe there then how would be be safer at home? What other help, if any, have they suggested OP?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/03/2022 15:22

If we feel a child is st risk to themself or another student/adult or we do not have control of a student we call home and ask them to be collected regardless of their background/sen/mental health issue. If a kid self harms at school they are asked to be collected

ManateeFair · 21/03/2022 15:22

Sorry, but his college is not a mental health nursing service. If they can’t guarantee his safety, they have to send him home. He is your child and your responsibility. He already has a 1:1 tutor but sometimes they’re not going to be available; these things happen. It’s a college, there to educate. There’s only so much they can do to ‘keep an eye on him’ and if he is hinting that he’s going to self-harm, an educational establishment isn’t equipped to deal with that.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/03/2022 15:22

@TorringtonDean

They are more likely to be safe at home with a parent then at a huge busy overwhelming understaffed school.

Also, the school doesn’t want responsibility for self harm

Imitatingdory · 21/03/2022 15:24

Does DS have an EHCP?

Was the exclusion a formal exclusion or an illegal exclusion?

Punxsutawney · 21/03/2022 15:24

Does he have an EHCP?

AndAsIfByMagic · 21/03/2022 15:26

I'm not sure what else the school could do in the absence of his 1 to 1. They were right to ask you to collect because they felt they couldn't keep him safe.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/03/2022 15:26

@Imitatingdory

Schools can suspend kids if they think they are a risk. Also asking a parent to collect their child who the school haven’t got control of isn’t illegal. It’s also a suspension not an exclusion

TeenPlusCat · 21/03/2022 15:27

I'm sorry, I too think they were right to send him home for his safety.

Also a pupil self harming can be very discombobulating for other students with shaky MH. I've had to give 'phone support' to my DD on a couple of occasions when someone else at college has actually or threatened self harm.

ManateeFair · 21/03/2022 15:29

If the college didn’t think he was safe there then how would be be safer at home?

Because they asked a parent to come and collect him. A parent at home can watch him the whole time. His college cannot.

I’ve got tremendous sympathy for the OP’s son, who is obviously having a hard time, but ultimately the OP said they were sending him to college ‘because we can’t be off work to keep an eye on him’ and that is not what college is for. Clearly he needs some more help if he is a danger to himself at times, but that would be from mental health professionals, not from from his college.

Imitatingdory · 21/03/2022 15:35

OnceuponaRainbow18 it is an exclusion - either a fixed term exclusion or a permanent exclusion. Of course they can exclude, but only if they follow due process. Pupils can only be excluded for disciplinary reasons, asking parents to collect because the college cannot meet the pupil’s needs without formally excluding is unlawful.

IPSEA link showing this.

Viviennemary · 21/03/2022 15:36

He is really lucky to have the 1 to 1 arrangement. His teacher was off sick. The college did the sensible thing. You should discuss with the college if that is the right place for him and what other alternatives there are

Imitatingdory · 21/03/2022 15:37

Fixed-period

Imitatingdory · 21/03/2022 15:38

Posted by mistake. Fixed-period is what fixed term exclusions are also called.

APurpleSquirrel · 21/03/2022 15:49

What has happened in the past when his 1:1 has been absent? Has this been discussed when he got the 1:1?

Original poster

kzaurm · 21/03/2022 15:59

No, he doesn't have an EHCP, he has a 1:1 as he was struggling a lot in lessons, also with his behaviour and he was hardly attending due to anxiety, DS now does well at college most of the time. We don't only send him to college as we can't keep an eye on him all the time, we send him as staying at home would affect his mental health even more. I can't keep an eye on him all the time even when I am home as I have a younger child and I wouldn't be able to stop him from self harming as he is taller than me, DP maybe could but he isn't home all the time.

OP posts:

Imitatingdory · 21/03/2022 16:03

As this is a college ask them for their exclusion policy.

Also, apply for an EHCNA. This is the only way to legally secure the support DS needs. IPSEA have a model letter you can use.

Hercisback · 21/03/2022 16:05

If you can't stop him self harming, why would anyone at college be able to?

I think you're at the end of your tether but ha e unrealistic expectations. Staffing levels in education are at an all time low due to covid and shit working conditions.

Hercisback · 21/03/2022 16:07

@Imitatingdory You always pop up on these types of threads spouting rules and regulations with no appreciation for just how difficult things are in schools.

College can't magic up someone else to be a 1:1 with no notice. What would you have done differently?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/03/2022 16:10

@Imitatingdory

He’s got a 1-1 without an EHCP, what more are you expecting ?

OP you need to get an EHCP for your child.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/03/2022 16:14

@Imitatingdory

IPSEA link showing this.

What do you expect schools to do when they don't physically have the staff to keep OP's son safe?

LIZS · 21/03/2022 16:20

Was it the lack of 1 to 1 or the threat of self harm which prompted their call? If the former a college should be large enough to arrange cover but the latter is a safeguarding issue for your ds, staff and other pupils. How old is he?

ItsaMeanOldScene · 21/03/2022 16:21

If the college is providing your son with a full time 1:1 without him having an EHCP then you are extremely fortunate. How old is he and at what level is he studying? Contact time post sixteen is equivalent to 3 days so he can't be at college all the time. I don't think you help yourself by implying that college should keeping him in all circumstances because of how it impacts on your personal circumstances.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/03/2022 16:21

@LIZS

Have you tried to arrange cover at a school at the moment?

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