To think this is poor from DS’ college?

81 replies

kzaurm · 21/03/2022 14:50

DS has ADHD and ASD and mental health issues (anxiety and depression), he self harms and we are trying to get help for him. He has a 1:1 at his college as he was struggling a lot without it, the college also knows about his mental health but we all agreed for him to go in as his anxiety would be made worse by not attending as he wouldn't go out (this has happened previously when he was off school a few years ago due to anxiety) and also because DP works and I work a few days a week so there wouldn't be anyone to keep an eye on him.

DP called me and told me that he had a call from the college and asked him to pick him up, he was told that DS’s 1:1 teacher wasn't in and he had broken a ruler and when he was asked what he was going to do with it he replied that he didn't know. They sent him home as he was a danger to himself and they couldn't keep him safe.

Aibu to think this is poor? I know that the college has other students but we can't afford to miss work to keep an eye on DS everyday which is why him attending college is important

OP posts:

RoastedFerret · 22/03/2022 11:03

I have a 15 year old with ASD and anxiety. Personally I see schools as a place of education, their job is to teach my child. My job as a parent is to try and keep my child well enough so that they can attend school and learn whilst there.

I have seen a close relative with asd drop out of school at 16 and never emerge from their bedroom since, they are now 23 and I really don't want that for ds.

What that means for us is that we as a family go without an awful lot so we can pay for private mental health support for our ds. We tried going through the health service and it was inadequate for his needs so private asd specialists were the only option given we ourselves are not qualified enough to support him.

Punxsutawney · 22/03/2022 11:14

Roasted you don't have to pay though, as an EHCP can specify MH support.

Ds is autistic with significant mental health difficulties and I see education as far more than just getting him through exams.
There are specialist placements that offer more than academics. And that's what we asked for, for Ds.
Our LA didn't want to give that to him because it's expensive. But with a fight they conceeded and agreed that he needed it.

The EHCP process is exhausting, and the last couple of years have come close to breaking us. But without more specialist support, Ds would not be able to cope with life at all.

maddy68 · 22/03/2022 11:27

They did the right thing. His 1-1 wasn't there. What would you expect them to do?

RoastedFerret · 22/03/2022 11:31

@Punxsutawney

Roasted you don't have to pay though, as an EHCP can specify MH support.

The EHCP process is exhausting, and the last couple of years have come close to breaking us. But without more specialist support, Ds would not be able to cope with life at all.

I'm not in the UK so none of that applied in my situation.

For my ds academics are important, very important, he loves learning and always has. At 15 he talks about how important it is to him that he gets a to PhD, academically he is able for that so as a parent I see it as my job to help him achieve that. In our case that means paying privately for the support so he can meet his goals.

I suppose I was looking at the situation quite blinkered through our situation. The OP says though it is important that her ds goes to college so that she and her dh can go to work, like that is the main aim when really the aim should be looking after her child that is clearly not coping.What are her childs needs? Is the particular college that he is attending right for him if he is sat their talking about self harm? Ultimately who is winning by the school keeping him there? It doesn't sound like the child is, it doesn't sound like the school is. I suppose my point is that the OP needs to do something because what she is doing currently clearly isn't working out for anyone, if that can be state funded in the UK and quickly great but I know there can be great reluctance in the UK to pay for any kind of healthcare but sometimes if you need something done now, then chucking money at it can be the only way.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 22/03/2022 11:50

@Imitatingdory

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo if you haven’t already you should apply for an EHCNA so DD can be supported reintegrating in to college, and if it doesn’t work out she can be provided for in another way e.g. online schooling or home tuition. An EHCP can also include MH therapies. If DD was still compulsory school aged the LA would have a duty to provide alternative arrangements as DD can’t attend, but post 16 you would need an EHCP for such provision.

Thank you. I'll look into that now!

EndaDay · 22/03/2022 12:35

Could you email them and ask why they couldn't pull an extra staff member out of their arse?

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