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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL in a strop

100 replies

xxlockdownbabyxx · 20/03/2022 18:47

Partners family came round today and we're all over my 4 month old boy, which is lovely to see! However.. his dummy fell on the floor and my MIL picked the dummy up and put it in her mouth to "clean" it! I was horrified, i took the it off her before she put it back in my sons mouth. She was offended by this and said I was being too precious, AIBU? I'm fuming in all honesty

OP posts:
Tobchette · 20/03/2022 20:02

I used to do this with dd, even if she dropped her dummy on the street.
Then i did it at the dentist and i got a right telling off. Rightly so... I was an idiot. Its not the germs on the floor, they're fine. But most adults have some form of gum disease, tooth decay, tongue fungus. Its really bad for a baby's mouth.

ComDummings · 20/03/2022 20:04

That’s disgusting

Lonelydaisy · 20/03/2022 20:08

That's so skanky, I'd be fuming

Original poster
xxlockdownbabyxx · 20/03/2022 20:09

@thedarkling

This used to be a thing that people did. Do you have sterilised dummies?
Yes I do x
OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 20/03/2022 20:12

I'm really surprised at the number of posters who think it's an acceptable thing for MIL to do.

My babies never had dummies so it's not something I've done but I can understand the baby's mother popping a dropped dummy in her mouth to 'clean' it, it's different with a mother and baby, but the idea of anyone else doing it is just nasty.

Mouths are full of bacteria. A dummy put into MIL's mouth is going to be covered in MIL mouth bacteria.

I wouldn't want to put a spoon in my mouth after my MIL had put it in her mouth and I suspect most posters on here wouldn't either. Why should it be different for a baby?

Original poster
xxlockdownbabyxx · 20/03/2022 20:12

@BritWifeInUSA

Your mother probably did that with your dummy and you survived.
Yes she did, but she's my mum. I wouldn't ever to do to someone else's child
OP posts:
Booboobagins · 20/03/2022 20:14

Was the norm when I was growing up. We know better now, eh?!

BOOTS52 · 20/03/2022 20:15

That is disgusting, she could have covid or anything just NOOO.. I would have been the same. What the hell was she thinking. I think it is gross when parents do that have the dummy in their mouth and then put it in their baby's mouth. You were right and you are the mum and she needs to butt out and your partner/husband needs to tell her she was out of order. Sounds like she has a habit of overstepping the mark.

BOOTS52 · 20/03/2022 20:16

Why are some saying it is ok, she is not even the mother, but the mil.

catsandquails · 20/03/2022 20:18

Yuck!

vipersnest1 · 20/03/2022 20:19

I can remember my DM speaking (with outrage) about her MIL doing this when my older brother was a baby - he's now in his sixties, so not necessarily a common practice even back in the day.

ladycarlotta · 20/03/2022 20:20

I remember adults doing this in the 90s when I was a kid, but it was parents rather than anyone else which somehow makes it less gross? I suppose they reckoned they were already sharing enough germs. MIL doing it feels a bit out of line really but I reckon she just didn't think and now feels quite embarrassed.

TillyTopper · 20/03/2022 20:22

Definitely used to be very common. But now and especially post CV19 it's more than grim! YANBU

Sometimeswinning · 20/03/2022 20:22

You were precious! Mil was a bit silly. Some people on mumsnet are vile in their reactions. Your child probably has and will put far worse in their mouth. She was embarrassed to be fair. I feel a bit sorry for her.

gettingolderbutcooler · 20/03/2022 20:22

@Member869894

I'm guessing she is your firstborn...
Wink
Underfrighter · 20/03/2022 20:23

Next time you see her, offer her a glass of wine and do the old spot / polish of the glass a few times to get it nice and shiny. It will be interesting to see how 'precious' she is when the tables are turned! No one needs something that has been cleaned in the mouth of another person

overreactionreally · 20/03/2022 20:26

I think it was common practice in previous generations but so gross 🤢

Aconitum · 20/03/2022 20:35

I'm with you OP. I am a MIL and would never, ever do this for my grandchild, it's not a big deal to replace it with a sterilised one and after 6 months a quick rinse is enough. Neither would I ever tell her Mum that she was being precious about anything. Her child, her rules no matter what I think. If she asks me for advice about anything I will tell her how I dealt with a situation but wouldn't tell her what she should do. At least that's what I think I am doing, who knows, she probably thinks I am lecturing her😃

That said, try not to get too irritated with her otherwise the next crass remark becomes an issue and before you know it you have a problem MIL. She knows full well that it's not acceptable and probably got a bit prickly because you (correctly IMO) pulled her up. Keep her on side but stay in control with a big smile on your face.

My MIL was a nightmare btw😂😂

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/03/2022 20:35

All three of the dses had dummies. With Ds1, if the dummy fell on the floor, I washes it in hot, soapy water, then sterilised it. With ds2, I just washed it. With ds3, I did what @xxlockdownbabyxx‘s MIL did. And all of them grew up to be strapping healthy men.

That said, I certainly wouldn’t dream of doing this when I have grandchildren (my first grandchild is due in the summer, and I am a bit excited), and I wouldn’t have been happy if someone else had done it with one of the dses’ dummies.

Thatsplentyjack · 20/03/2022 20:39

@Holly60

She’s naughty to call you precious but she was probably a bit embarrassed.
Naughty 🤣🤣
BoldMove · 20/03/2022 20:43

Yuck! Don't like dummies anyway. As for her response your baby your rules so she can jog on.

picklemewalnuts · 20/03/2022 20:44

@thedarkling it doesn't matter if he has teeth yet. The baby's mouth currently doesn't have the cAries causing bacteria. Giving a dummy that an adult has sucked will introduce that bacteria which will multiply and be ready to cause problems when the baby does have teeth.

Look it up.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 20/03/2022 20:44

YANBU.

My DS dummy went on the floor… BIL picked it up, gave it to me and said “is mummy going to put it in her mouth”. Erm no… why would I put it in my mouth, it’s just been on the floor.

Don’t have a problem with people doing this for their own baby if they want to, but definitely not someone else’s.

BritWifeInUSA · 20/03/2022 20:48

Yes she did, but she's my mum. I wouldn't ever to do to someone else's child

She’s the baby’s grandmother, FFS. Loves the child almost as much as you do. She’s not some random stranger in the street.

But this is MN after all, where MILs are the closest thing to the devil.

I wonder how you’d feel if it was your mother, not your MIL, that did this.

CathyorClaire · 20/03/2022 20:51

How long ago was this 'common practice'?!

I wouldn't have tolerated it when mine were tiny thirty odd years back.

OP, It's utterly rank and she's embarrassed about being called on it.