Family business sold and inheritance?

[bowsna]

My dh's family used to have a business which was set up by his great grandfather. It passed down the male line to his dad, who made a decent job out of it, but other factors meant it wasn't as profitable as it was. He warned dh off going into the business. He sold it off as he didn't have a pension and so needed something to live off. Both his parents are still alive thankfully. They live a very nice life, 6 bed detached, daily cleaners, trips all over the world etc.

Each generation going back in his family, left/gave a very nice sum of money to their son to set them up in life. Enough to buy a house and to put the kids through boarding school. But dh's parents haven't done that, and are seemingly spending the dosh instead.

Good for them. It is their money to spend.

Did you post too soon?

And? Inheritance is what is left when someone dies. These people are alive

So?

Is the AIBU that your don't think people should spend their own money, that they have earned, on themselves while they are still alive?

If so YABU

Well at least they have stopped the awful practice of sending things down the “male line”. Although it was only two generations that did that, anyway. So what if his dad wants to do things differently, he is not going to spend every last penny, you will still see something when he’s dead so you can stop worrying I’m sure.

Just because it’s always been done doesn’t mean they have to. It’s their money until they pass away so can do whatever they want with it.

It may be disappointing if that is what your DH expected but not really anything you can do / say about it.

Enough to buy a house and to put the kids through boarding school. But dh's parents haven't done that, and are seemingly spending the dosh instead.

How dare they spend their own money on their own lives instead of buying you a house and paying for your children to go to boarding school.

YABU particularly as the business wasn’t doing well but you would’ve unreasonable either way.

What happened with any daughters?

What's your point?

What did they give their daughters?

So basically you want their money, now?

Their money isn't your money, and you are entitled to exactly none of it. HTH.

Sorry!! I posted far too soon, and seem to have lost what I was posting.

Anyway. When we were having Sunday lunch with them the other week, they started saying about how many good decisions they had made during their lifetime which afforded dh a nice childhood. They were saying that they are enjoying their money now because they are the ones who made it. They said they didn't believe in hand me downs from previous generations and the youth of today are lazy and expect things given to them.

Dh and I have done alright for ourselves, but they live in a far nicer area than us. We live very frugally compared to them.

So the point of the post was to say. The fact that they were bought their house outright is also frustrating when they say they don't believe in inheritance. It's as if, every generation worked towards making sure their offspring had comfortable lives, but suddenly they think it was their own decisions which led them to their lifestyle. AIBU to think that being handed a family business counts as inheritance?

Yabu it’s their money to spend, and you and your husband are both unreasonable if you’ve been banking on a handout in the form of an inheritance rather than sort your own finances out.

What financial provision have you made personally OP, considering this hypothetical inheritance was only ever potentially coming from your husband’s family, not yours?

Well done on DH parents. I hope they have a lovely time with their money. Life is so short as shown by the last couple of years.... ..where they always wanted to see...tell them to do it..... Yabu

It’s not even your parents!

What about you either asking your parents for money or even better try to work for it !?

Tbh, you sound super grabby ! I’m amazed you have a problem with people spending THEIR inheritance

@bowsna

Sorry!! I posted far too soon, and seem to have lost what I was posting.

Anyway. When we were having Sunday lunch with them the other week, they started saying about how many good decisions they had made during their lifetime which afforded dh a nice childhood. They were saying that they are enjoying their money now because they are the ones who made it. They said they didn't believe in hand me downs from previous generations and the youth of today are lazy and expect things given to them.

Dh and I have done alright for ourselves, but they live in a far nicer area than us. We live very frugally compared to them.

So the point of the post was to say. The fact that they were bought their house outright is also frustrating when they say they don't believe in inheritance. It's as if, every generation worked towards making sure their offspring had comfortable lives, but suddenly they think it was their own decisions which led them to their lifestyle. AIBU to think that being handed a family business counts as inheritance?

Say that to them then!

If you read the full thread she's not saying that at all.

Presumably if you’re after an inheritance since their nice house is owned outright you’ll get that when they die?

Yeah, that sounds harsh but it’s what you’re after isn’t it?

Even your update sounds grabby and entitled, your DH has benefitted from a good lifestyle from them, make your own way in life.

On one hand a family business is inheritence. However, it's not something you often benefit from without putting your own hand work in or dedicating your life to.

I am going to guess its a farm. Even if it's not alot of family businesses are a complete hindrance.

It sets our the path for the child who is getting it. Often people feel obliged to carry on the family business wether they want to or not. It becomes their life whether they want it to or not.

So yes, they got some help I do agree there. But it's not the same as inheriting g cash or a house.

From your later post they sound quite annoying, failing to appreciate their good fortune was in part from ‘inheritance’ and a leg up early in life. Next time they bring that up I’d advise your DH to speak up if it bothers him.

I am slightly with you here I know a similar situation where grandparents think it's all theirs and there doing but they were given a house and a business and there children's education was paid for them by their parents. But they don't care what happens once they are gone it was all sorted for them and left very neatly and instead they won't take any advice and think they know best. Inheritance is always a contentious issue I get no one has a right to it but when previous generations benefitted but don't want to help the next in a time when buying a house is so challenging it's a bitter pill to swallow.

Oh and you could already say your dh has benefitted from this business. It gave him a good start in life. That good start came because of the inheritence.

So he already has had a huge benefit. Do he isn't empty handed.

I would also assume he (and any siblings) will be inheriting the house and anything thats left.

Your PILs are definitely speaking from a place of great privilege. And that is fine. Sounds as though they gave your dh a great start in life as well.

Just let them get on with it.