Family business sold and inheritance?

[bowsna]

My dh's family used to have a business which was set up by his great grandfather. It passed down the male line to his dad, who made a decent job out of it, but other factors meant it wasn't as profitable as it was. He warned dh off going into the business. He sold it off as he didn't have a pension and so needed something to live off. Both his parents are still alive thankfully. They live a very nice life, 6 bed detached, daily cleaners, trips all over the world etc.

Each generation going back in his family, left/gave a very nice sum of money to their son to set them up in life. Enough to buy a house and to put the kids through boarding school. But dh's parents haven't done that, and are seemingly spending the dosh instead.

Going by some of the happy horseshit my mother in law came out with I think sometimes people forget who they are talking to and what they know.

So having received a massive hand out and inheritance - they have now decided that they don’t believe in hand outs and inheritance.

So you're annoyed that your DH's parents are spending their own money and because of that it means that YOU won't get any when they die. Yeah YABVVU, even if they weren't doing that, it'd be your DH's inheritance, not yours

@DogInATent

So what first attracted you to the prospective millionaire-inheritance DH?

This. Nothing more ugly than a dil(and these posts are always them) who are feeling entitled to their IL inheritance. Are you asking the same of your own parents??

I suppose there is an element of context - how much of their inheritance represents net worth now? My parents set up both my sibling and myself with a property outright, savings and a pension. To my sibling that would probably represent about 10% of his net worth now so it’s probably reasonable he says he did himself in the main. For us, it would probably be about 45% so I don’t think we can claim the same so it depends what you think the percentages might be?

On the inheritance side, for various reasons we are talking with my parents about some inheritance type stuff and planning/passing things on. It’s a lot of money and if my DH made ANY of the comments you had, I would seriously tell him to get to fuck. Feel grateful for the gift that he hasn’t.

Good for them… they deserve it! Are you always so grabby?

Good for them… they deserve it!

According to themselves, they apparently don't think that they deserve it (but are happy to take it anyway).

The previous generations always think they had it harder than the youngsters now.

They forget that to buy a house most people need two incomes and a large deposit;
Childcare costs;
Final salary pensions at 52 have ceased;
Salaries have not kept pace with house prices or rental prices.

Nothing more ugly than a dil(and these posts arealwaysthem) who are feeling entitled to their IL inheritance. Are you asking the same of your own parents??

And oddly, on the flip side when women post about their dhs opinion on inheritence coming from the ops parents, the vast majority get told its nothing to do with the dh.

My dbros wife has lots of interest and opinions on my parents inhertience. Even questioning what they would be getting 2 days after my mum died in December. She was talking about the house being sold. My dad is still very much alive and a fit and healthy 66 year old. I told my brother he needed to tell her to be quiet.

Cant you make your own money? You know work or start your own business instead of expecting others to give you a handout?

I see your point, however I think your In laws are having a nice time with holidays ,big house ,help and so on .This is their right as such .Its their money and they are still alive to spend it! I would imagine there will still be a reasonable inheritance left over .ATM I would try to forget about it and concentrate on your lives with them now. Money makes things more comfortable yes,but not be all end all.You are young still .Short of asking them outright nothing you can do!

@bowsna

Sorry!! I posted far too soon, and seem to have lost what I was posting.

Anyway. When we were having Sunday lunch with them the other week, they started saying about how many good decisions they had made during their lifetime which afforded dh a nice childhood. They were saying that they are enjoying their money now because they are the ones who made it. They said they didn't believe in hand me downs from previous generations and the youth of today are lazy and expect things given to them.

Dh and I have done alright for ourselves, but they live in a far nicer area than us. We live very frugally compared to them.

So the point of the post was to say. The fact that they were bought their house outright is also frustrating when they say they don't believe in inheritance. It's as if, every generation worked towards making sure their offspring had comfortable lives, but suddenly they think it was their own decisions which led them to their lifestyle. AIBU to think that being handed a family business counts as inheritance?

Why don’t you call them out on this when they start again, tell them how every generation, including them got the business/lump sum, so actually they did get it given to them

I can’t be doing with rewriting history

What happens to the 6 bed house and their money, investments etc after they pass? That’s quite substantial!? Or is it not enough for YOU ?

MN hates inheritance generally, OP, but I see where you are coming from.

Things like this can cause estrangements for the rest of peoples lives.

@DogsAndGin

Inheritance doesn’t work anymore. People used to have much shorter life expectancies. When the owner of all the family wealth dies, they might have only had 2 generations beneath them. Now, they die at 86, and have 4 generations beneath them. Having inheritance from wealthy parents is no longer a route to financial security, as the parents will most likely hold onto their wealth until their children are well into their 60s and possibly retired themselves. The need for the inheritance has come and gone, and so it gets passed down to the youngest generation instead.

Surely in the vast majority of cases it’s not being passed down to the youngest generation. Most people still leave it to their children.

I guess alot of it is based upon what the family business is, and whether your DH could actually make it viable.

For example a friends family's parents had a business that they had been passed down, and they were not great at it. They made a loss year on year and asset stripped it to keep afloat, but they didnt suffer themselves and made sure they lived a good life - they wanted to sell it up and just take the cash, but the daughter, who had been told her whole life she would inherit, but wasnt allowed any say in how it was run, pushed her position, came in, and has turned it around for the first time since the grandparents owned it. It has allowed the parents a retirement fund, and looks set to be a very good investment of her time and expertise going forwards.

However it could be a business that simply doesnt have a market any more and it was best to cut losses rather than keep flogging a dead horse.

So much of this 'inheritance' is built around the business, and times and ways of life, as well as the cost of living across these last 3 generations has changed belong belief.

But I agree that they are hypocritical, in not believing in handouts, whilst benefitting greatly from one.

LampLighter414
They are deluded and fairly representative of a lot of British tabloid mentality nowadays that young people are entitled and want handouts.

Judging by this and similar threads, they aren't wrong are they?

YABU, OP, and grabby.

Thats interesting. They've worked for the family business and so I suppose yes its not total inheritance but then again they were still given a leg up so I'm not sure.
I don't believe that people should be handed inheritance as a right although I realise that's not what you're asking and I don't believe people should save their money to pass on but that they should just spend it on themselves.Do you know whether your dh will inherit the house? Its their right to leave it to whom they want obviously.

What a pity your post got chopped up, you have been judged on Part 1.
You might want to start again ask to have it pulled and start again.
You make a good point. The success of each generation is built on the foundations of the previous one.
It is those buildings and products and the customer base that was already created that got them off to a good start. The selfish ones are not acknowledging that. They sound as if they have convinced themselves that they succeeded by their own cleverness alone.
If they were really clever they would have organised pension schemes that continued through the generations and ensured the business was strong enough to continue under a successor.
Rothschilds built businesses that became stronger with each generation not weaker.
Is your DH in the business?

So instead of handing down family business down male line to your DH, does house and inheritance now get shared with siblings? That in my opinion is fairer.