Family business sold and inheritance?

[bowsna]

My dh's family used to have a business which was set up by his great grandfather. It passed down the male line to his dad, who made a decent job out of it, but other factors meant it wasn't as profitable as it was. He warned dh off going into the business. He sold it off as he didn't have a pension and so needed something to live off. Both his parents are still alive thankfully. They live a very nice life, 6 bed detached, daily cleaners, trips all over the world etc.

Each generation going back in his family, left/gave a very nice sum of money to their son to set them up in life. Enough to buy a house and to put the kids through boarding school. But dh's parents haven't done that, and are seemingly spending the dosh instead.

I get you, they were custodians of a family business that was handed down the generations. They decided to sell and are living off the money, therefore not passing down the business that previous generations passed along?

Even being given a family business does not mean an easy life. A business takes hard work to make it a success and to keep it a success. It is not a magic money pot.

Surely then it's time someone really enjoyed the money rather than just passing it down? Good for them I say.

You’re not entitled to an inheritance but as a mother I tend to think poorly of those who can but won’t make provision for their DC.

As for their suggestion that they’ve earned everything whilst benefiting from a home abs business I’d not be able to keep quiet if they were then suggesting I was lazy.

They're hypocrites - many people are. The adage of one generation earning it and another squandering it is often true.

When hearing how the young generation get everything handed to them I make sure I spend time saying just how fantastic ds and his friends are, how hard they work and how things have changed. Then I leave early and future social life is more likely to be going over for a cup of tea rather than huge meals where you sit there and choke down their food while they lecture you.

Or fight back! Laugh with your head back and say how you look around you and can see everything that their parents handed them. I wouldn't, actually, because running a business is very tough and perhaps your dh's dad gave up some dreams of his own to go into the family business to please his dad. That's another angle; get really sympathetic about him being forced to take on the business and how he had to let go of his personal dreams.

It's only an inheritance when someone is dead. Isn't DH fortunate to still have his parents still alive and enjoying life. No?

Just because previous generations have done something has no bearing on what happens now, in this generation.

I kind of understand where you are coming from regarding the in laws comments. They don't believe in hand me downs yet it seems they had quite a lot of help from the previous generation , and their comments about the younger generation being lazy is a bit wide of the mark tbh. Laziness had existed in every generation, not just the current one!!
That said, they have obviously worked hard in the business and are now enjoying the fruits of that, which I suppose is what we all aspire to, is it not?

I see what you mean. It's a bit hypocritical when their current wealth is only there because they inherited but they now profess they don't agree with it.
Never mind at least there will be plenty of cash to look after them in their old age and you won't have to do it😏

Me and DH are both children of immigrants who gave up their comfortable lives in the home countries to come to UK and educate us here. We have benefitted from their sacrifice and have gone on to do very well for ourselves. Our kids therefore have a far cushy and luxurious life than what we did and we will help them get a start in life but I will be damned if they are expecting anything more. They have had every opportunity to better things for themselves

Your DH has had a good start in life - up to him to progress his own life and provide for his family and not resent the parents for theirs. Things change as generations go on

Very hypocritical especially as they also benefited from house price rises as well, and then say they don’t believe in helping hands, of which they directly benefited. I’d have had to say something but then I’m not one for holding back.

Sounds like they have pulled the ladder up after themselves

Yes, your meaning is perfectly clear. It would grate with me and my dh if we were in this situation. Do you think your dh would have liked the chance to run the family business? Just as an aside.

Yanbu that they are hypocritical to say they don't believe in hand me downs and to insinuate that younger generations are lazy, and they are deluded to think that any of their wealth is of their own making.sinxe the business was handed to them and the husband failed as a businessman to adapt his business to meet demands of the changing economy so had to sell.

Yeah nothing worse than people who have benefitted massively from the system and then pulled the ladder up behind themselves so nobody else gets it.

They are deluded and fairly representative of a lot of British tabloid mentality nowadays that young people are entitled and want handouts.

However they are free to do as they want. Ignore the comments and focus on the fact they have enough money to look after themselves when they need care etc so at least there isn't that to worry about unlike a lot of people.

I understand your frustration, extremely hypocritical of them — but that’s how many people are— look at the make up of the Tory cabinet and their attitude to refugees and immigrants of any kind. Look at the attitude of a lot of older people towards younger people when it comes to home owning these days— when in their day house prices were around 3x annual income, not 8-10 as in many parts of the country. There isn’t much you can do but I would mentally note it if I am honest

I agree with them. Too much expectation to be earning to give it all to your kids. We have children and hopefully bring them up to be self sufficient, not to wait on handouts from their parents.

This expectation of inheritance and bitterness when people spend their own money meaning that there’s nothing left when they die is hideous. I hope my parents spend their money. Even if I know I will be better off if I inherit, the idea that I should be waiting for that and begrudging them spend what they have earned in life is vile.

So say they still had the business, not doing brilliantly even though they'd worked hard at it. When they die are you saying you'd rather inherit a failing business? And if so, is dh going to run it just so it can be handed down? Or would he sell it? This way, they are reaping some benefits (good for them) and dh will inherit cash and a saleable property. Win win to me.

I think the hypocritical comments would annoy me more . Not the actual fact they are spending their cash which is totally their right— but the inference that they don’t believe in handouts or a leg up— which is exactly what they had and why they are in the position they are in

YANBU at all OP. I bet it was difficult listening to them crow about their amazing talents and hard work whilst knowing really it is down to good fortune and previous generations' business acumen.

They sound completely deluded and selfish.

So what first attracted you to the prospective millionaire-inheritance DH?

I would have been so tempted to say, "oh, didn't you inherit that business? I thought it was a family business," when they were making comments.

I would be the hypocrisy that would annoy me, not the spending.

It depends on what state the business was in when they inherited it and how much work they had to put in to keep it viable?
Does sound a bit self-satisfied, selfish, and conceited to claim all credit if their comfortable financial position was inherited though. That would be they who are out of touch with how difficult making a decent living for yourself actually is.

Doesn't surprise me their comments rather made you feel put out.

I voted before I saw your second post as I thought you were complaining about DH not likely to look forward to a similar inheritance. To expect it would BU, but I'm not sure now, regarding his parents attitude.