To Wonder About Separate Bedrooms?

[MrsLegend]

I've read a number of posts on here about people having separate bedrooms to their partner, despite being in a happy relationship.

I wonder how many people realistically do this, the reason behind it (ie snoring) and whether it's beneficial?

I suppose I've always thought that it's something couples do when they get elderly so as not to disturb each other in the night, but it seems that couples of all ages do it!

It wouldn't work for us, even though dh is a noisy snorer. We like to have a snuggle sometimes and separate rooms would definitely lead to less sex. We have been together 17 years.

We do and it works really well (more than ten years now) We started due to DH needing to get up ridiculously early for work, when I would inevitably have been up in the night with a child. We prefer different bedding and different temperatures, he snores and thrashes and I starfish and read for hours due to insomnia. We just visit each other if we want to, and don’t mind sharing if we’re on holiday or just fall asleep that way at home.

I thoroughly recommend it and am really glad it doesn’t have the stigma it used to (“it’ll be the end of your marriage”!)

Separate rooms for over 20 years, married over 30. Happily. I'm a light sleeper and he snores. Works perfectly.

My husband snores and I have insomnia.
But I can’t sleep at all without him, I really hate it! So we’ll just keep on.

We don't have official separate rooms, but usually one or other of us is in the spare room. I snore and our DS still wakes us up in the night, so if at least one of us can get a decent night's sleep then that's good. Not affecting our sex life and we still get snuggles on the sofa. Been together about 15 years, sleeping apart for about the past year or so.

I’m in my 40s, DH in his 50s. We haven’t shared a room for 12 years. Originally it was due to DH’s snoring, but now additionally, we both sleep badly if we’re together. Too hot, DH gets up a couple of times a night, he’s also awake much earlier than me. It does mean less sex, but honestly, with such terrible sleep I’d never want sex anyway.

Best decision we made.
It isn't an obstacle to intimacy for us, but perhaps might be if a couple rely on it "just heading that way" following a bedtime cuddle.
This way, we both get to sleep the way we need to: I regularly work in bed past midnight until I literally drop off over a pile of marking, so can't have a 'lights out' bedtime. DP sleeps lightly and gets really hot, so enjoys the silence and seclusion of his room, and just a sheet for a cover.

No, snuggling up and waking up next to him is amazing, I'm the snorer and he doesn't care

We don't have separate bedrooms as such but dh comes to bed about 3 hours after me and it just kind of gradually happened. I start work about 3 hours before him so he uses the spare room so as not to disturb me. We very rarely sleep in the same bed now. Thing is, when we're away I can't get to sleep if hes in bed with me! I usually end up finding a spare room or the sofa. I'm so used to sleeping alone. Not ideal really but here we are.

I think the main reason it tends to be older couples who have separate rooms is a purely practical one, it’s only when your kids move out that you have an available spare room. That certainly was the case for us, we would have done it years before if we had the space. DH is an early to bed, early to rise person and I’m the opposite so we would have been disturbing each other. Happy to share on holiday.

My DH snore like a hippo. Having separate rooms has saved our marriage.
Sleeping together ( or not sleeping in my case) was causing me so much distress. Sleeping on the sofa was not a long term solution!!

It wouldn't work for us. We fall asleep cuddled up and cuddle as soon as we wake in the morning. Sleeping with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone. I'd hate to lose that with DH.

We've had separate bedrooms for the last few years ... we are planning to downsize soon but must have a decent sized bedroom each. Hard to know how common it is . I loathe sharing a bed and if we have to go away we would always have a twin room.

It's not just the snoring and issues with windows open/closed ... I find the idea of having to coordinate your timings so difficult - if one of you wants to get up early I don't want to have to creep around so as not to disturb my DH, if I wake in the night I might want to read etc.

And I hate 'snuggles' .

We've done separate bedrooms for the past 6 months or so. Sometimes fall asleep together but someone will wake up and move to the spare room at some point. We both snore, and DP often wakes up for an hour or so I'm the night. I don't mind who sleeps where so long as I get a good nights sleep

Best thing I have ever done!
Due to DH snoring I was a complete wreck.
MH seriously affected and considering divorce.
Any attempts to resolve were met with " I cant help it"🤨

He had a bad cough and went to the spare room and I refused to let him back.
Utter bliss.
No snoring,no farting, fiddling, huffing ,puffing, piles of dirty clothes or thoughts of murder
Our relationship is so much better and I have a beautiful space thats just mine.

And I hate 'snuggles' me too! It was fine when we were younger but now I just need my space

His snoring actually made me want to kill him, and he wouldn’t do anything about it.
I sleep so much better now, and my bedroom is my little oasis.

I’d love to sleep in our spare room or turn that into my own bedroom but dh is really against it. He snores like a train and it wakes me up so sometimes I sneak off and sleep in the other room but when I’ve suggested doing it permanently he seems really offended. I don’t understand it as we go to bed at separate times, never snuggle in bed and never have sex in bed anyway (usually downstairs as kids are light sleepers!) so can’t understand what the issue is. He just sees sharing a bed as part of being married. We’ve been together about 15 years.

@Bagelsandbrie

I’d love to sleep in our spare room or turn that into my own bedroom but dh is really against it. He snores like a train and it wakes me up so sometimes I sneak off and sleep in the other room but when I’ve suggested doing it permanently he seems really offended. I don’t understand it as we go to bed at separate times, never snuggle in bed and never have sex in bed anyway (usually downstairs as kids are light sleepers!) so can’t understand what the issue is. He just sees sharing a bed as part of being married. We’ve been together about 15 years.

That sounds a bit controlling. You can sleep wherever you want.

@rainbowandglitter

It wouldn't work for us. We fall asleep cuddled up and cuddle as soon as we wake in the morning. Sleeping with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone. I'd hate to lose that with DH.

It’s only intimate if you’re not spending most of the night plotting how to murder him with his own pillow. I’m sure you didn’t mean it but this kind of stuff puts my back up. Somehow suggests that there is something lacking in my marriage because I don’t share a bed with my DH, that we must not love each other enough or something. I can tell you that the resentment, frustration and insomnia from having to sleep with a heavy snorer is soul destroying.

Officially we share but we sleep apart probably 3-4 nights a week because of snoring and shift work. I love the spare room - it feels a bit like being away at a hotel. All cool white sheets and completely tidy.

Separate rooms for a year, been together 35. I love it. I'm very tidy and like things neat, dh is the opposite. I like a cold bedroom and often had to compromise. Dh stays up really late and woke me when he came to bed. If we want to snuggle (im not keen due to the heat of another body) dh gets in with me in the morning.

We do this. It's mostly to do with the fact that DH needs the room to be way, way warmer than I do. It's not impacted the intimacy for us.

I would feel like my marriage is lacking without that sleeping together connection though. I must say though that NEITHER OF US SNORES. I may feel differently if that was the case .
I don't care what anyone else does in their marriage.

Sleeping with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone. I'd hate to lose that with DH

Have you actually RTFT?
There was no sleep.
Possibly one or two hours if I was lucky.
It was like a train rumbling through the room.
All night.
I have found the relationship and intimacy has improved.
No snoring, farting, bad breath and I hate cuddles.
Its utter bliss having a clean, fresh, non man smelling room and Im sure he likes his man cave